South Park: Stick of Truth (Female version)
by Mage of Hope
Summary: When Ricky moves into South Park, she's not your average girly girl, more like a tomboyish, know-it-all girl. Find out what happens when she deals with the Humans, the Elves, and...the Starfires. Who are the Starfires? Read and find out! Also, who should go out with Ricky? Kyle, Stan, Clyde, Tweek, or Craig? Post your answer in the polls! Poll has ended! Kyle x OC!
1. Prologue

**Hi, reviewers out there! This is my first time ever creating a South Park fanfic, so I will do my best not to make any of the characters at least OOC or something. Yeah, I'm getting started with the seasons and all and I'm around 5th season, so bear with it.**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs. **

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One day, a MOOVIT truck full of boxes and supplies pulled into the driveway of an empty house that had a sign that said **SOLD** on it. Some men were carrying furniture out of the truck and into the house.

"Well, I think that's everything," replied a tall man with curly black hair and dark eyes as he placed another box on the floor inside the new home.

"We did it, hun! We're really moved in!" cried out a woman with medium short blond hair, embracing her husband happily.

"It's a new beginning for us. Things are finally going to be good!" agreed the husband, letting go of the embrace.

"Do you really think it will be better for...her?" asked the wife, hopefully and worried.

"They won't look for her here. We just need to make sure she doesn't attract any attention. Come on, let's see what she's doing."

As soon as the couple arrived upstairs, the wife knocked on the door, which had a sign nailed to it that said, **"Ricky's room, NOT FREDERICA."** "Sweetie? Hon, you all dressed?"

"Yeah, just checking out my room," called out the girl nicknamed Ricky. Her parents opened the door and entered her room, which was mostly purple. There weren't any girl stuff and a box full of boy clothes could be seen near the bed, where Ricky was.

"Hey, champ. How do you like your new room?" asked Ricky's father.

Ricky had short tomboyish blond hair and piercing brown eyes, almost making her look like a boy if it weren't for her feminine features on her face. She wore a purple jacket over a dark blue shirt, light pants, and blue sneakers on. "It's cool, I guess."

"I know it's a big change, but...do you REMEMBER why we moved to this quiet little mountain town?" questioned Ricky's father carefully. Ricky got a little suspicious as his sudden tone, and even more suspicious when she heard her parents talking about how she doesn't remember anything. Remember what exactly?

"Uh, sweetie, we want you to have lots of fun here," said Ricky's mother. "Why don't you go out and make some friends?"

"Right, get outside and PLAY, like...like normal kids," agreed Ricky's father.

"We've got some money for you on the kitchen counter. Just...be back before dark." With that said, Ricky parents went back downstairs to unpack the rest of the house, leaving Ricky alone. Seeing how she has nothing else to do, she went downstairs, snatched the money from the kitchen counter, and wanted to explore the rest of the house.

However, before she could even open the basement door, Ricky's father saw her and walked towards her, pointing to the door. "It wasn't a REQUEST, it was a COMMAND. Now get out there and MAKE SOME FRIENDS!"

"Dude, I just wanted to-" Before Ricky could finish, her father practically dragged her across the room and out the door before shutting it, leaving her outside. "The hell?! He can't kick me out of my own house! Hey! Dad!" Ricky turned around and pounded on the door several times before her father finally opened the door.

"Will you go out and be a kid for Christ's sake?!" Having said that, her father slammed the door shut. Hard.

"Jesus! He didn't have to yell at me like that! I mean, what did I go?" muttered Ricky, walking away. Eventually, she ended up at the park, where she saw three tough girls tossing some sort of doll, and the smaller girl in the middle was trying to catch it.

"Give it back! Give it back!" cried out the smaller, blond haired girl as the doll kept getting tossed.

"Why don't you make us?" a tough girl with a red cap challenged.

"That's MY Justin Bieber doll!" shouted the blond haired girl.

"Not anymore, it's not!" taunted the girl with a grey jacket.

"Hey! Leave her alone and give her back her doll, you whores!" demanded Ricky, arriving at the scene.

"Who's this?" wondered the red cap girl.

"Beat it, kid. If you know what's good for you," warned the girl with the grey jacket, cracking her knuckles. With a still annoyed look on her face, Ricky got into a stance and motioned them to come closer. The three bullies looked at each other before smirking, confident before one of them ran towards Ricky, fist raised.

Ricky easily stepsided and aimed a light punch to the bully's face, making her clutch her face in pain, but not enough to make her nose bleed. As soon as she got her guard down, Ricky swooped down and sweeped her legs under her, defeating her easily.

"Let me try!" shouted the girl in the grey jacket before throwing in the first punch. Ricky counter attacked by grabbing her arm and throwing her a few feet away from her, causing the girl to groan in pain.

"You like beating up on girls?!" cried the last remaining bully before running away in fear.

"Oh, I hope they didn't break it," said the bullied girl, picking up her Justin Bieber doll before sighing in relief, knowing full well it was safe. "Hey, thanks. I owe you one, uh..."

"My real name's Frederica, but I like to be called Ricky. You?"

"Oh! I'm Annie! Nice to meet you! Ooh! I think you should meet the girls, seeing how you're a girl too. Do you wish to speak to the girls now?"

"Eh, why not? Got nothing better to do. Hey, why are you putting a blindfold on me?"

"Oh, nobody but a few chosen including the leader knows where our secret girl base is, so we have to blindfold everyone else to keep it a secret. But if you were trustsworthy enough, then maybe there would be a time when you learned where it is," assured Annie, gently pushing Ricky towards the destination.

About a few minutes later, Annie removed Ricky's blindfold, and Ricky found herself in a large pink room with lots of pink desks, girly stickers around the walls, and posters of hot boys every girl admires. Lots of girls her age were sitting near desks, and the girl in the front happened to be the leader, Wendy.

"The three hundreth and eighty nineth meeting of the girls is herby called to order. Sparkle sparkle," announced Wendy, slamming her mallet.

"SUNSHINE!" all the girls minus Wendy, Annie, and Ricky cheered.

"Sunshine sparkle, Annie Knitts has the floor!" announced a girl near Wendy.

"Ok, so this is the new kid that moved into town. Her name's Frederica, but she likes to be called Ricky," explained Annie. "Anyways, I brought her here because I thought that maybe she could be our new friend."

"Oh! That's not a bad idea! I glitter Annie's idea!" agreed Bebe.

"The chair acknowledges Annie's request and has agreed to allow Ricky to be a new member of the Girls," said Wendy. "I am the leader of the Girls, Wendy Testaburger, nice to meet you!"

"Yeah, sure," said Ricky, bored. "Look, unless you need me for something, I want to go. No offense, but I'm just not into girl stuff."

"Oh, well that's too bad," said Wendy.

"If I may, I have a request for the new kid!" called out a girl named Tara. "Ricky, can you go and get me a Hello Kitty doll?"

"Sorry to sound rude, but why don't you just get one yourself?" asked Ricky.

"Because my parents grounded me, so I can't buy anything."

"And what's in it for me?"

"How about makeup?"

"Nah."

"Cute shopping clothes?"

"Not interested."

"Well what do you want?"

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_Later... _

"These new baseball cards are awesome!" exclaimed Ricky as she started walking back to her house. "Totally worth it!" She looked up and noticed a kid in orange walking through the street, completely normal. However, she didn't expect him to suddenly be run over by a car! "Oh my God! They killed that kid!"

A boy with a green hat who was carrying groceries stopped and saw the corpse of the dead boy. "You bastards!"

"You shall die by my warhammer, drow elf!" shouted a high pitched voice. Ricky turned and saw a blond haired boy with a hammer fighting against some boy dressed like an elf, so she figured they were playing some role playing game.

"Nuh uh!" The elf jabbed his wooden sword forward, which got blocked by the blond haired boy.

"I banish thee to the forest realm!"

"No way, I banished you first!" Ricky rolled her eyes before walking away. "Ha ha! You can't hold out much longer!"

"HELP! SOMEBODY! I can't hold out much longer! HEEELLLPPP!" Ricky sighed before turning back around to help the blond haired boy. If there's one thing she hated, it's bullies picking on the weak. So, she walked over there, and kicked the elf in the back, causing him to turn around to face her. When he did, she punched him in the face, knocking him flat on the ground.

"Hey, no fair! That's cheating!" complained the elf. "I'm going to go tell my mom!"

After the elf left, the blond haired boy turned to Ricky and said, "Thanks, kid. I didn't realize he had a health potion. My name is Butters the Merciful. I'm a paladin. I live right next door to you! We should be friends!"

"Sure. My name's Frederica, but I perfer to be called Ricky. So, you playing some sort of role playing game? Can I join in?"

'Yeah! Now that we're friends, you should speak with the Wizard King! He's been talking about your arrival! The wizard lives this way! Follow me!"

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**Nice chapter, huh? Read and review!**


	2. Meet the Humans! (And Cartman)

**Hey, thanks for reviewing! As a reward, here's the new chapter! **

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs!**

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"Is this the place?" asked Ricky as she and Butters were standing in front of a green house.

"Yeah." Butters knocked on the door, and a overweighted boy wearing a wizard hat and carrying a rod opened the door. "All hail the Grand Wizard!"

"So, you are the New Kid. Your coming was foretold by Coldwell Banker. I am the Wizard King, aka Cartman. But the time for talk is not nigh. Let me show you my kingdom." Shrugging, Ricky and Butters followed Cartman to his backyard.

As they were walking through the living room, an older woman, who Ricky presumed was Cartman's mother, noticed Ricky and asked, "Oh, who's your new friend, Eric?"

"Your real name's Eric?" Ricky asked Cartman, a little surprised.

"He perfers to be called Cartman," explained Butters.

"Shut up, Mom. Not now," said Cartman quickly as he ignored her and continued walking away.

Ricky was shocked to hear Cartman say that to his own mother, or the fact that his mother didn't do anything. "DUDE! You can't just say that to your Mom!"

Cartman turned to her, looking annoyed. "So? I say stuff like that all the time, and I never get in trouble. And it's 'Grand Wizard!' Got that, New Kid?"

"No, I don't!"

"Well, get it through your fucking head, bitch!"

Butters gasped as Ricky's left eye twitched in anger. "Shut up, fatass! I don't know you, and I already hate you!"

"GODDAMNIT, I'M NOT FAT, I'M BIG-BONED!"

"Fellas! Fellas! Let's just go to the kingdom, alright?" suggested Butters, coming between them. Both Cartman and Ricky stared at each other angrily before calming down and walking outside to the backyard without ripping each other's throats out.

"Welcome to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!" introduced Cartman, showing Ricky the entire kingdom. Not much was in the backyard, except some made up shops, a castle made of paper and boxes and some kids dressed like warriors, though in the back, there was someone dressed as a princess.

"Is that a guy dressed up like a princess?" asked Ricky, pointing to the princess.

Cartman ignored her question and walked up to Clyde, who was tending to some sort of weapons shop. "Our weapon shop here is being tended by a level 14 warrior, Clyde." Next, he walked up to some stables, where a young boy was playing with a cat. "Here, you can see our massive stables. Overseen by level 9 ranger, Scott Malkinson, who has the power of diabetes."

"Dude, you can't just say stuff like in front of people, even if it is true," advised Ricky. "Besides-"

"-And here, of course, is the breathtaking and lovel Princess Kenny," continued Cartman, ignoring Ricky once more. "The fairest maiden in the whole kingdom." Before Ricky could comment anything, Cartman motioned her to get closer and whispered, "Don't ask why Kenny wanted to be a chick, it's just how he seems to be rolling right now."

"You know what? I don't even want to know," said Ricky as Cartman and Butters stood in front of a tent.

"You have been sought out, New Kid, because humans everywhere are in great danger," said Cartman. "I need something from you, and in return, I am prepared to allow you into my kingdom. I know you are very excited. It's time for your first quest. But first, write down thy name in this sheet."

Cartman handed Ricky a sheet of paper, which listed a lot of names, which was most likely the people who joined Cartman's kingdom. Ricky wrote down her name at an empty slot before handing it back to Cartman. "There. It's at the bottom."

Cartman read the name before saying, "I can't read any of this girly handwriting, so I assume you wrote down, 'Bitch,' correct?"

"Wha-NO! It clearly says 'Ricky' right there! And my handwriting isn't girly!"

"...Very well, Bitch! You will now choose a class: Fighter, mage, thief, or jew." Ricky was trying very hard not to strangle Cartman right now, but saw four selections of clothes before walking up to a blue jacket with a red headband. "A fighter has the ability to kick fucking ass." Ricky didn't like Cartman, but she did like the sounds of playing as a fighter. She walked over to a light blue robe with the silver headband. "A mage is like a wizard, only not as cool." Ricky loved that mages could cast magic, but didn't like how they had low attack power and defense in most games. She went to some weird looking clothes and picked them up. "Jew, huh? So, I guess we'll never really be friends." Okay, not only was Cartman an insensitive bastard that got on her nerves, but a discriminating one as well. Finally, she walked and picked up a blue cloak with a hoodie. "You look sneaky enough to be a thief."

Ricky thought about it, and in most video games she played, she was usually the warrior, but now that she was a black belt, why not use stealth for once? "I'm choosing thief," she said as she covered her body with the blue cloak before putting the hoodie over her head.

"We welcome you to our kingdom, Bitch the Thief!" announced Cartman, once again, getting on Ricky's nerves.

"Hooray!" cheered Butters.

"Now, please go and visit the weapons shop. Procure yourself a weapon, and we shall teach you how to fight!"

"I'm a black belt. I don't need to be taught or get a weapon," told Ricky.

"Yeah? Well, I'm the ruler, and everyone always obeys the ruler! Now go to the weapon shop and go get a fucking weapon!"

Ricky frowned before walking towards the weapons shop, muttering, "Asshole."

When she arrived there, Clyde, who was rubbing a fake weapon with a napkin, said, "Would you like to see my wares, weary traveler? Level 1 people like you should have level 1 weapons, like the rules apply. Only $2.34."

"Wait, I seriously have to pay? Fine." Ricky got out her money and realized she had about 7 dollars, so she handed 3 bucks to Clyde and said, "Give me something light, but deadly." She was give a wooden dagger before she headed back to Cartman. "Here, I got the stupid weapon. What now?"

Cartman saw the weapon and said, "Ah, you have procured a weapon. Nice. Now, it is time to teach you how to fight. I want you to take your new weapon, and, with the bravery of a noble knight, beat up Clyde."

"What?"

"Wait, what?"

"Kick Clyde's ass, New Kid."

"What'd I do?!"

"Yeah! Why can't I kick your lame, fat ass?"

"I'm the KING, Clyde! And the King wishes to be amused! Besides, the King can't get beat up!" argued Cartman. "Go on, New Kid, kick his ass."

Ricky sighed as she and Clyde stepped into the training area before Clyde drew his wooden blade. "I'm gonna kick you ass!" challenged Clyde as Ricky unsheathed her new wooden dagger. As Ricky rushed towards Clyde, he held up his blade in a defensive position before Ricky brought her dagger down, only to be deflected by the blade before running back to her former spot.

"Oh my God, it's like Butters all over again," groaned Cartman. Ricky gave him one quick glare before turning her attention back to Clyde. This time, when Clyde blocked, Ricky avoided the areas he blocked and thrusted her dagger hard on his stomach and arms before running for distance. "Oh yeah! Clyde's your bitch!"

"That just sounds wrong, man," commented Ricky.

"Fuck this, I'm not gonna get beaten by some lowie thief, especially a girl!" shouted Clyde before charging into action for the first time in battle. Despite his low speed and the fact that he's using a wooden sword, his strength was quite impressive for Ricky as she was forced to either dodge or block his heavy blocks. Ricky tried to retaliate, but her attacks at his armor barely made Clyde flinch a little.

"All right, Clyde's wearing armor. In order to hurt him, I want you to hit Clyde as hard as you can!" called Cartman. Although she hated to admit it, Ricky knew that Cartman had a point after she was hit three times in the shoulder, hard. After being forced to block, Ricky decided to use one of her free hands to punch Clyde in the arm as hard as she could. While Clyde was cringing in pain, Ricky sprang up into the air and spun around, striking Clyde across the head so hard, he stumbled back and coughed out some blood.

"Ow! Shit!" cursed Clyde.

"Oh shit, dude! I think I see blood!" cried out Cartman. "Fucking nice, brah! That's exactly what you do to guys with armor like that!"

"Prepare yourself!" shouted Clyde, once again charging towards the female thief. "This is unblockable!" Clyde swung his blade at Ricky as hard as she could, and since she could read movements as a result of training karate, she easily blocked it before kicking Clyde away in the stomach.

"YES! That's what I'm talking about! Dude, you're already WAY better than Clyde! Alright, it's time to use your heroic powers! In other words, your thief ability!"

"No offense, Clyde, but I really don't want to get beaten by a boy," apologized Ricky before Clyde ran forward with a thrust. Ricky ducked her head before giving a light punch to Clyde's face, blinding him temporarily as Ricky stepsided and arrived behind Clyde. Swiftly, Ricky delivered multiple swings and thrusts at Clyde, bringing him down on his knees until finally, he lost energy and laid moaning in the ground after Ricky delivered one final thrust to his stomach.

As Cartman started laughing, Ricky helped Clyde get up before both gave the wizard an angry glare each. "Dude, that was awesome! You were all like, BRAAMMGM! And Clyde was all like, 'AAAHH! NO!' AHAHAHA!"

'It wasn't that funny, dickhead," said Ricky, crossing her arms.

"Okay, okay!" said Cartman, who finally stopped laughing. "You've prove yourself worthy, Bitch. Now come inside the war tent and I shall let you see the relic." Cartman entered the tent behind, and soon after, Ricky also entered, curious to see this 'relic.' "Well, here it is. The reason why humans and elves are locked in a never-ending war. The relic for which human and elf are willing to die for...the Stick of Truth."

Ricky turned to where Cartman was pointing to, and saw a pillow on top of a dais. And on top of that pillow...was a stick.

"A stick. This is the relic. A stick," deadpanned Ricky, a bit stunned and a little annoyed.

"Yes, yes, it's nice, isn't it? Just two days ago, we took the Stick back from the elves. Our kingdom was dying, but now it thrives. For whoever controls the Stick, controls the universe." Cartman then closed his eyes and looked away as he said, "Don't gaze at it too long! For its power is to much for mere mortals to look at!"

"Oh my God," said Ricky, rolling her eyes.

Cartman and Ricky turned around, and before Ricky could walk away, Cartman placed a hand on her shoulder. Before she could throw his disgusting, fat body away from her, he said, "Now that you have seen the Stick of Truth, let's discuss your dues. Being a member of my kingdom costs 9.95 for the first week. Four dollars of which tax..."

_'Wait, what? First, I have to pay for the weapons, next, I have to pay to play the game? Fuck that!' _thought Ricky. _'There's no way that-' _

"ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!" cried out Butters voice.

"Whew! Saved by the bell-er, alarm."

"Someone has sounded the alarm!" shouted Cartman, alerted.

"Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!" continued Butters as he ran inside the tent.

"What is it?!"

"The elves are attacking!"

"Oh my God! Defensive positions, everybody!" ordered Cartman as he, Butters, and Ricky ran out of the tent. Every single human was running around, preparing to fight as they got out their weapons and equipped into their armor. "Man the gate Don't let them through!"

A large group of elves was waiting outside the entrance of the kingdom. One of them demanded, "Give us the Stick, humans!"

"Fuck you, drow elf! Come and get it!" taunted Cartman. "Clyde, guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!"

"Aye, aye!" said Clyde before running back to the tent.

"'Aye, aye?' We're not playing pirates, Clyde! Bitch, this is your chance to prove yourself! HOLD OFF THE ASSHOLE ELVES AT ALL COSTS!"

Before Ricky could toss Cartman to the ground and beat him up, she heard Butters cries and saw him being beaten up by two elves who were outnumbering him. She leaped off the ground with one kick before she performed a high jumping kick, kneeling one elf in the face so hard, he cried out in pain before collapsing to the ground. Ricky got on top of him and swung her wooden dagger at him several times until he started screaming he gave up, making her stop.

"Yeah! Nice one, bitch!" called out Cartman, who was doing absolutely nothing but watching from the sidelines. Ricky glared at Cartman, annoyed and disliking him more by the minute. Not only was he not doing anything, but she'd bet 10 bucks that he was also a coward. Also, she couldn't tell if what he said was a comment or an insult.

"Ow!" shouted Ricky. Another elf was attacking her with arrows from behind, one arrow after another before Ricky had to roll around to dodge the arrows. As the elf was busy trying to target her, an injured, but still willing to fight Butters sneaked up behind the elf and smashed his hammer at his back not too hard, but enough for him to fall to the ground in pain, making him unable to fight any longer. "Thanks, Butters!"

"No problem, R-"

"Eat shit!" cried out an elf, foolishly charging towards Butters and Ricky. He managed to tackle Butters to the ground, lift up his wooden sword above his head, and before he could bring it down, Ricky ran towards him and jabbed her wooden dagger at his defenceless chest several times before kicking him off Butters.

"Why, thanks fella!" thanked Butters as Ricky helped him off the ground.

"Now we're even." Ricky turned to see how the other warriors were doing, and it seems that they were fending off the others just fine. Scott, however, was already on the ground, getting beaten up repeatedly by an elf who already defeated him. If there was one type of men Ricky hated, it was the cowardly type that picked on the weak. Ricky charged towards the elf, and instead of using her dagger, she punched him straight in the face, making him earn a nosebleed.

"Oh shit! Bitch is out for blood!" cheered Cartman. Ricky decided to take care of him once she was done with this punk. The elf went straight for her, trying to stab her with some long stick with a pointy tip at the end, wielding it like a spear. She stepsided easily before jabbing his arm with her elbow hard enough for his arm to be injured. He still had one good arm as he swung his spear. Ricky blocked it with ease before jabbing her dagger hard enough for him to crotch down in pain.

Ricky went for another elf, and as she was exchanging blows with him, she saw Kenny being attacked and surrounded by several elves. Her jaw dropped when the elves banged their weapons at Kenny's body before being attacked by some incoming warriors. Either she just imagined it, or she spotted blood coming from Kenny's body. "Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"

Cartman noticed as well and yelled, "You bastards! We specifically said no killing the princess!"

"Drow elves! Fall back! Fall back, I say!" commanded one of the elves as he started running for it.

"Yeah! Awesome, dude!" cheered Cartman. "Take that, you asshole elves! Better luck next time! NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA NYA! WE STILL CONTROL THE UNIVERSE! HAHAHAHAHA!"

As Cartman was dancing and still cheering around, Ricky rolled her eyes before taking a baseball bat that was laying on the ground. Before she could bang him in the head hard enough for payback, Clyde came along, making her stop her action and drop the bat.

"It's gone."

Cartman stopped dancing and stared at Clyde. "...What?"

"The Stick of Truth. The elves got it."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"THAT WAS YOUR ONE GODDAMNED JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF FUCKING TRUTH!"

_'What was he doing while the rest of us fought?' _wondered Ricky, a bit startled by Cartman's outburst.

Cartman managed to calm down a bit. "Clyde, you are hereby BANISHED FROM SPACE AND TIME!"

"What?! NO! You can't do that!"

"Yeah I can! You're banished and lost in time and space!"

"Yeah! Go home, Clyde!" agreed Butters. Clyde grew more irritated as he started walking home.

Cartman turned to Ricky and said, "You fought bravely on the battlefield, bitch."

"Yeah, the New Kid may be a bitch, but she sure can fight!" agreed Scott. Ricky groaned, now having to deal with two people calling her by that name.

"Shut up Scott, nobody cares what you think," said Cartman quickly.

"Dude!" shouted Ricky, shocked. First, he says that to his own mom, now he says it to this innocent kid?

"Anyways, we have a bigger problem now! The Stick of Truth has been stolen, and we must assemble our entire army to go get it!"

'But our three best warriors still haven't reported for duty yet, my king!" reminded Butters.

"Our newest member can take care of that!"

'Wait, what?"

"Bitch, I want you to go out into the neighborhood and find my greatest warriors, Token, Tweek, and Craig. I am texting their pictures to your personal inventory device now."

"Wait, why do I have to do-" Ricky was interrupted when her phone vibrated, and she pulled it out to see three pictures of the kids Cartman described.

"But beware! The lands outside are full of marauding drow elves, monsters and sixth graders. Be sure you are well equipped. Now go! And send my warriors here!"

"Hold on!" interrupted Ricky. "Let's say I do this stupid request anyways! But I need help finding those guys!"

'Ugh! Why do women have to be bitches?"

"WHAT?!"

"Fine, fine! Butters, go with her so she doesn't screw up!" Giving one last angry glare to Cartman, Ricky followed Butters to find the three boys.

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**Thanks for reading! Read and review and you can list any ideas in the review box!**


	3. Getting the Gang

**Hey guys! Sorry for taking so long but unfortunately I've been busy, but here is a very long chapter! At least I think it's a long chapter. Many things are gonna be different in this story, but you'll be able to notice.**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs. **

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"This is stupid, he's stupid! Why doesn't he sent someone else to get those three boys?" muttered Ricky as soon as she and Butters reentered Cartman's home.

"Well, you know Cartman. Once he wants something done, he'll do anything," said Butters.

Ricky stopped and glanced up at the staircase before smirking evilly. She had an idea. She turned to Mrs. Cartman, who was sweeping the floor. "Mrs. Cartman? I uh..left something upstairs. Can I go upstairs?"

"Why, sure. You kids be careful, alright?"

Ricky's cell phone vibrated and she discovered that she made a new friend, which was Mrs. Cartman. Thinking she was nice and unlike Cartman, she accepted the friend request and headed upstairs with Butters and entered Cartman's room.

"Uh...this is the King's room. I don't think we're supposed to be here," said Butters nervously, glancing at the door just in case Cartman came in.

"I'm only for a minute, then I'll leave," promised Ricky. _'And I might leave with some blackmail,' _she thought sinisterly as she began exploring his room. It was just a regular boy's room with toys and...why was there a girl doll? But the more surprise is when Ricky opened Cartman's closet door.

Inside the closet was the definition of messy. Several objects, toys, clothing, and all other things were inside and stuffed, scattered all over. Ricky had no idea why there was even a bra and other girl clothing inside, and frankly, she didn't want to know. She just took a contract that said really hard words and had Cartman's messy handwriting before leaving.

"Uh...what are you going to do with that?" asked Butters.

"Don't worry, I just want to look at it, then I'll return it," said Ricky, lying a little. _'Actually, this might come in handy...' _

As soon as they got outside and was heading out, Ricky got out her phone when it vibrated and discovered a new message from Clyde, the same guy she beat up and banished from the game. It read: **Fuck you, New Kid! Things were fine until you showed up. I'll get you back for this, I swear! **

"Wow, what an asshole," muttered Ricky, annoyed by the text before she and Butters continued walking. "So where to first? Should we visit Craig first? Or Token? Or that Tweek guy?"

"Actually, you think I can go home first? I need some stuff prepared, and my house is right over there."

"Sure." Butters opened the door for Ricky, being the gentleman paladin he is, and entered his own home after she entered. "Behold! The residence of Butters the Merciful!"

Ricky glanced around and saw it was a pretty nice house. Butter's mom was reading a book, and Mr. Scotch was doing something with his phone. Mr. Scotch noticed Ricky and walked over to her. "Ah! This must be the new kid!"

"We're playin' Dad!" said Butters.

"Good for you!" Ricky saw that both Mrs. Scotch and Mr. Scotch just now 'friended' her as their friend. "You Facebook message me right away if Butters does something he should be grounded for."

Ricky frowned, but nodded. As soon as they got out of Butters house, Ricky turned to Butters and said, "Your parents seems...nice."

"Yeah, but they always ground me."

"You? What terrible things have you done?"

"Well, I don't really understand," started Butters. "Well, my Dad said that I poured some Rice a Roni in his coffee even thought I don't remember doing it, saving Imaginationland, having my room wrecked even though I didn't do it, and other things. Sometimes, they ground me for no reason at all!"

"What?! That's horrible! Butters, you need to tell someone!"

"T-tell them what?"

Ricky grew irritated. "That your parents ground you for the most ridiculous reasons or no reasons at all! If you won't, I will!"

"Wait!" cried out Butters. "Even if you do tell, you don't have proof! Besides, I think my parents are nice!"

"...Shit, you're right. Alright, fine. I'll find some proof, soon enough."

"Hey, Butters," said a small ginger boy with glasses, walking up to them.

"Oh, hey Dougie! How are you doing?" asked Butters cheerfully.

"Fine. Oh, are you the new kid?"

"Yeah," said Ricky. "My name's Frederica, but people call me Ricky for short. Are you playing this dumb Stick of Truth game?"

"The Wizard King says I'm too ginger to be one of the humans," said Dougie. "But Paladin Butters lets me be his squire on the sly."

"Paladins seek justice for all races!"

"That fat son of a bitch!" growled Ricky, disliking more and more about Cartman. "He's a racist too? Not only does he hate Jews, but gingers too? I so cannot wait until the day I beat up that fat little snob!"

"Uh...shouldn't we be doing the king's quest now?" reminded Butters.

"Oh yeah, right. Who should we go first?"

"I think we should head to Craig's house first! And I know a shortcut!"

"Alright, lead the way, Butters! See you later, Dougie!"

"Bye!"

After a while, Ricky spoke up. "You mentioned a shortcut, Butters. Where is the shortcut?"

"Right here!" Butters pointed to a small pole with some sort of flag and a horn on a small hill. He went over and squeezed the horn, making some sort of honking sound. Sounds of horses neighing and running down the road was heard, but in reality, a young boy in a wheelchair with a recorder, a toy horse, and a wagon appeared.

"...You have got to be kidding me," said Ricky, annoyed.

"Welcome to the Timmy Express!" welcomed Butters, getting on the wagon.

"Timmy!"

"What is this?" asked Ricky, still not believing this.

"This is the Timmy Express!" Butters started to explain. "He usually keeps tabs on both elves and humans and drives them to whatever place they want to go in exchange that they don't attack him!"

Ricky rolled her eyes and sighed before getting on the wagon. "Alright, Timmy. To Craig's house."

"Timmy!" Timmy yanked on the reins of his toy horse before taking off with his wheelchair, dragging the wagon with him. In mere minutes, they arrived at another pole before Timmy dropped them off.

"Hey, where's Craig's house? I don't see no houses here!" said Ricky, seeing that the houses were at least one or two blocks away. She was standing next to a suspicious-looking snowman.

"Timmy always stops at ports near the locations we want to go," explained Butters. "Besides-"

Suddenly, the snowman collapsed and four elves popped out, letting out battle cries. Ricky freaked out and screamed at the top of her lungs before punching one of the elves in the fact. Due to instinct and thanks to the surprise, Ricky kicked one elf right between the legs before elbowing another in the face and hitting the last elf in the stomach, hard.

All four elves, who weren't expecting a counterattack, fell to the ground, groaning in pain and clutching the spots they were hit in. Butters was shocked and exclaimed, "Wow Louise! How'd you do that, Ricky?!"

Ricky panted and calmed down. "Sorry, I just don't like surprise attacks. They surprise me so much that I react immediantly. Let's go."

Soon, Butters escorted her to Craig's house, where Craig's Dad opened the door for them. "Hello, Craig's dad! We'd like to see Craig, please," said Butters politely.

"Ya looking for Craig? Well, he can't play. He's in detention. Something about flippin' off the principle."

"Oh, okay. Thanks!" said Butters before Craig's Dad closed the door.

"Jeez, what did Craig do to make the principle mad?" wondered Ricky outloud, seeing how she hasn't met the principle yet.

"He flipped her off," said Butters.

"Yeah, I know that, but I'm wondering what he did to make the-"

"No. I mean, he _flipped_ the principle off."

"...I...I don't..." Ricky shook her head. "I don't get it."

"Don't worry. You'll see when you meet Craig," encouraged Butters, patting her on the back. "We better get the others guys first."

Ricky pulled out her phone and saw only the names, 'Tweek,' and 'Token' left. "Alright, Tweek or Token. Who should we go next?"

"I think I know where to find Tweek! His family owns a coffee shop, like Starbucks, only it's not Starbucks! Here, I'll show you!" Once again, the two of them had to take the Timmy Express to get there, and when they arrived, they were only a few blocks away from reaching Tweeks Bros. Coffee store.

"The owners named their son, 'Tweek Tweak?' Huh, weird," said Ricky as she and Butters were talking and passing by some trees.

"Psst! Pssst! Hey, over here!" hissed a voice nearby. Both Ricky and Butters turned around to see some man with fake glasses with a nose attached hiding behind some trees.

"W-what should we do, Ricky?" wondered Butters, unsure what to do.

Ricky, who was very sus[icious of the man, started walking towards the man while holding onto Butters' hand. "If that man does anything, no matter what happens, I want you to go and alert the police, Butters. Got that?" she whispered, only to get a nod from him. "Good. What do you want, man?"

"Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you," said the man.

_'Yeah, I highly doubt that,' _thought Ricky, readying herself just in case.

"It's me! Al Gore!" The man took off his fake glasses to reveal himself.

"Uh...who?"

"You know, Al Gore! I'm super important!"

"Yeah, sure."

"Alright, look," started Al Gore, standing up from his hiding spot. "I've detected some VERY strange activity in this area. I believe we are deal with...MANBEARPIG!"

Ricky narrowed her eyes in annoyance. "Really? ManBearPig."

"What?!" cried out Butters, suddenly scared.

"Butters! You can't possibly be believing this guy, do you?!"

"Yes, THE ManBearPig. I know you're scared but I need help! Take these and placed them in the locations specified on the ManBearMap. Pig." He handed Ricky some weird tranquilizer. "And now I'm going to make you my friend on Facebook. This is VERY prestigious. You have my email now but don't give it to anyone! I'm super cereal!"

"Don't you mean, 'serious?'" corrected Ricky.

"Hurry! We must know it if ManBearPig is here or not!" The man named Al Gore ran off somewhere, and Ricky got a friend request from the man. She got out the tranquilizer and threw it in the trash.

"W-what are you doing?" asked Butters, surprised.

"What does it look like? I threw away that stupid thing that guy gave me."

"Why? We need it to locate-"

"Butters," started Ricky. "Do you really believe that guy? For all we know, he could be some creepy kidnapper who wanted to do strange things and get children to do it, or just some poor man wanting attention."

"B-but still..."

Ricky sighed and placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Look, just forget it. When you're older, you'll understand. Anyways, Tweek's inside this coffee shop, right? Let's go."

"Okay!" When they were inside the coffee shop, it was almost like a Starbucks coffee shop, but a little different.

"Welcome to Tweek Coffee," welcomed Mr. Tweak. "Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally."

"Do you know someone named Tweek? We kinda need him right now," asked Ricky.

"Oh, you mean my son? Of course. Tweek? Tweeek!"

"Aaah!" A young boy's cry was heard from the supply room.

"Have you picked up the fresh local ingredients?" called out Mr. Tweak.

"Aaagh! Not yet, Dad! I'm still trying to do all my chores!"

"Well, hurry up, son! The family business is relying on you!"

"Aaaugh!"

Ricky turned to Butters and said, "Let's go visit Tweek and go help him out. That way he'll work faster and I won't have fatass Cartman calling me a 'bitch' anytime soon."

"Okay! Good idea!" So, both of them entered the supply closet, where they found a young boy nervously cleaning up.

"Hiya, Tweek!" welcomed Butters, handing Tweek some sort of paper. "The king requests your assistance!"

"Aaghgh! Now?! The guys need me now?! Oh, there's no way man!" cried out Tweek. "I have WAY too much to do!" He grabbed Butters by the scuff his shirt and screamed, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!"

"Whoa, Tweek! Calm down!" said Ricky. "What can we do to help?"

"Oh, you guys will help me? Great! Could you go get the four o'clock delivery for me?! If you do, I can finish here and then-and then I'll still have time to play!" He handed Ricky some sort of envelope. "It's at Kenny's house, like always! Y-you give them this, and they'll give you the delivery!"

"Alright. Butters, you know where this Kenny guy lives?"

Butters nodded. "Sure, I'll take you there!" It took awhile, but they arrived at Kenny's house, which was small and seemed broken down. It didn't take a genius to guess that Kenny's family was poor.

When Ricky knocked on the door, Mrs. McCormick answered it. "What?" Ricky handed her the envelope, and Mrs. McCormick seemed to have recognized what it was. "Oh, this isn't for me. This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back." She handed Ricky some sort of garage key, which happened to be the key to the garage.

"Is Kenny poor?" asked Ricky to Butters.

"Yeah, but he seems fine with it." Ricky unlocked the garage and both she and Butters entered. Inside, it seemed way worse than the McCormick's residence, for the guest house seemed ready to be torn down, and it looked like some sort of broken down lab. Worse, there were even some strange people smoking cigarettes.

Ricky immediantly wanted to get the package and get out of there. "Are you the guys with the package?"

"Yeah, yeah. We got the package for Tweeks Coffee. You got the envelope?" one of the strange men questioned. Ricky decided to name that guy 'Mech Head' since she had no idea who or even cared what his name is.

"Hey, that's not the usual kid that picks up the package!" Mech Head realized.

"Huh? Oh shit, it's a cop!" another man shouted, taking out a crowbar.

"Oh no!" cried out Butters, backing away.

"Holy shit, dude!" shouted Ricky, taking out her wooden dagger. Just as the crowbar man was about to swing down his crowbar, Ricky stabbed her wooden dagger right between his legs, causing him to yell in pain before Ricky pulled back.

"I got this one! Hammer of Justice!" Butters ran forward and swung his hammer down at the man's leg as hard as he could, and a crack could be heard.

"FUCK!" screamed the man, falling to the ground in pain.

"Butters, look out!" cried out Ricky, tackling Butters to the ground. When both got up and regained their position, Butters saw that Ricky had a nasty, bloody slash on her cheek. He turned to see a knife stuck in the wall, and the Mech Head nearby, and took the pieces together.

"Oh, Jesus! Are you alright, Ricky?" asked Butters. Before Ricky could answer, Butters was thrown to the wall by a sudden impact.

Ricky turned to see Mech Head had swung a plunger at Butters, who had coughed out a bit of blood. "That's it!" She picked up a piece of glass that was sitting nearby, swung her wooden dagger at Mech Head, who didn't take much damage from it, and stabbed the piece of glass into Mech Head's foot.

Mech Head screamed in pain before falling to the ground. Ricky still wasn't down and ran towards him and started kicking him in the face. **KICK!** "That was for hurting Butters!" **KICK!** "That was for cutting my cheek!" **KICK!** "That was for attacking both of us!" **KICK!** "And THAT was because I felt like it!"

After Ricky was done kicking the guy, she rushed towards Butters, who was recovering himself. "I'll be alright, Ricky. Just a bit injured, is all."

Just then, a woman entered the garage through another entrance and saw the whole mess inside. "What the hell is going on?! You'll pay for this, you bastards!"

While the woman charged towards them, Butters got out two slingshots and handed Ricky one along with a pouch full of rubber balls. "Here! Fire away!" Both Butters and Ricky fired some rubber balls at the woman, who started slowing down and trying to defend herself. During that, one of Ricky's rubber balls hit a bucket full of water, which tipped and spilled all over the floor and made the woman fall on her back, knocking her out and breaking her back.

"...We did it!" cheered Ricky before she felt pain in her cheek. "Ow, ow! Ok, ow!"

"Here, let me handle this!" Butters rubbed some healing ointment on Ricky's slash before covering it up with a bandage. "There! Good as new!"

"Thanks! Now, let's call the cops and get to Tweek!" After calling the police and watching them arrest the three people who assaulted them, Butters and Ricky headed towards Tweek's coffee shop with the package.

When Tweek saw them with the package, he rejoiced. "You did it! You got the package! Oh, thanks man! Dad! I finished my work! Can I go play?"

"Where's today's delivery?" asked Mr. Tweak, entering the supply room. Tweek handed his Dad the delivery, and Mr. Tweak tasted it. "Hmm, yup. That's good shit. Alright, Tweek, you can play for a little bit. But be home before dark or you'll be grounded. Grounded, like the fresh grinds of our all organic Tweek blend, made with ingredients from local tweekers."

"Thanks, kid," said Tweek. "I gotta go change, then I'll meet you at the kingdom!"

As Butters and Ricky left for Token's house, Butters asked, "Aren't we gonna tell Tweek that the people we delivered the envelope to are arrested?"

Ricky stopped and pondered for a moment. "...Nah. He'll figure it out soon. Besides, they attacked us first, and we attacked out of self-defense. By the way, thanks for giving me this slingshot. It might come in handy!"

"You're welcome!"

When they arrived, they saw a huge house protected by some sort of gate, and a security guard near the gate. When Ricky tried to walk past the guard, he got out his pepper spray and sprayed her in the eyes. "God! Fuckin-" She fell to her knees and puked in the ground.

"If you try again, I will pepper spray you to the Stone Ages," warned the guard.

"Jesus, you could have given me a warning before spraying me!" shouted Ricky before she and Butters left. "Ow...my stomach...now what?"

"Well, there is this one shop I know," offered Butters, rubbing her back gently.

* * *

_In front of Jimbo's Guns... _

"Butters, are you crazy?!" exclaimed Ricky. "I hate that security guy, but I'm not gonna shoot him!"

"No, no! You got the wrong idea!" defended Butters quickly. "It's just that, Jimbo doesn't just sell guns! He sells other supplies too! Honest!"

Ricky sighed. "Fine! I'll give it a go!" Inside, there was a tall man with a hat, and next to him, was a shorter man with weird sunglasses.

"Why, hello Jimbo and Ned!" welcomed Butters.

"Well, what brings you here today?" asked the man named Jimbo. Business or pleasure? Or vengeance?"

"Alright, I guess I'll take...a gas mask! Yes, perfect! How much?" asked Ricky, pointing to the gas mask on display.

"Oh, that? About 5 bucks, I guess."

"Sweet!"

After Ricky paid for that gas mask, Jimbo asked, "Alright, anything else?"

"Uh...nope. We're good."

"Alright, see you next time then!"

"Wait! Don't you need to see my ID or something?" asked Ricky, confused. "Isn't there an age limit for purchasing stuff like this or don't children need adults for these kinds of things?"

"Nah, not really. In this town, public safety hasn't been established. At least, not yet," explained Jimbo.

"What? That's ridiculous!" exclaimed Ricky. "So, if a 9-year old came here, thought a gun was made out of candy and wanted to eat it, ou would still sell him that gun, and it's still perfectly legal?"

"Yeah. I just did that to a kid in a princess costume like before you came in this shop."

"...Wait, what?!"

From outside, everyone could hear a conversation. "MMPH MPPH MMMP!" (Oh boy! A candy-covered gun!) _Click. _**BANG! **

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

"Well, it's been...horrible, but we gotta go, see ya!" Ricky grabbed Butter and ran out of the strange gun store. Both of them were in cloaks and Ricky was wearing her gas mask on. They were complete disguises so no one would guess they were themselves.

"Alright, Butters? You know the plan, right?" Ricky addressed to Butters, who nodded. "Okay, let's do this!"

Once Ricky tried to walk past the guard, he sprayed her with the same pepper spray, but realized it was working. "What the-OH FUCK!"

"Get him!" ordered Ricky, running towards the guard. She kicked him hard in the leg before shooting a rubber ball right between his legs, causing him to fall to the ground in pain. Both she and Butters dragged the guard behind a large tree nearby and started ducktapping him there, even gagging him before rushing towards Token's neighborhood.

"I can't believe we did that!" said Butters, surprised. "When my parents finds out, they're gonna ground me!"

"Who cares?! I can't believe that worked!" cheered Ricky. "Also, no one recognized us under these disguises, so we'll be okay!"

When they arrived at Token's house, Butters knocked on the door, and a boy, who seemed to be Token, opened it. Butters handed him some sort of letter, and Tokem mumbled, "Oh, the elves took the stick again? Hang on a second."

After closing the door, the boy reappeared in his 'armor' a minute later. "Thank you for thy message, traveler! I shall make haste to Kupa Keep! Mom! Can you drive me to Eric's house?"

Once they left Token's house, Butters and Ricky started heading back. "Looks like we got all three boys," said Ricky. "Except for Craig, of course."

"Wait, what do we do about him?" wondered Butters, addressing to the still tied up security guard.

"...Nah, forget it. Someone will notice and take care of him," said Ricky, ignoring the jerk that pepper sprayed her.

* * *

**FINALLY FINISHED! Hope you enjoyed this, and I'm guessing you know what happens next! There's still that romance poll in my profile, so go ahead and vote if you haven't!**


	4. Sneaking into Detention

**Hey, folks! Welcome to this amazing chapter! Since you know what's going on, I don't need to explain myself but this!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

"Looks like the gang's all here," said Ricky as she and Butters entered Cartman's backyard. She spotted Tweek, Token, Kenny, and other warriors gathering around near Cartman's private tent, also known as where the Stick of Truth is. Ricky had to admit, their role playing costumes looked awesome, minus Kenny. She even thought Tweek looked like a barbarian!

"All soldiers reporting for duty, Grand Wizard!" cried out Butters, acting like a soldier.

Cartman entered outside, fully prepared. "Nice work, Bitch." Ricky once again, resisted the urge to punch him. "Now all my men are here and ready to fight for the-wait a minute." He stopped and glanced around. "Where is Feldspar? Where is my level 12 thief?"

"He's in detention," answered Token.

"What?!"

"He flipped off the principle, so he's in detention again!" added Tweek.

"Oh my god," groaned Cartman in deep thought. "If they locked away our thief in detention, then we have no hope of getting back the Stick of Truth. We have to break him out!"

Tweek shrieked. "Agh! No way, man! Last time we broke Craig out of detention, we ALL got in trouble!"

"Getting into trouble is a risk that Bitch is willing to take!"

"Wait, what?!" exclaimed Ricky, both shocked and mad. First, Cartman insults her, then his Mom, then some poor kid with diabettes, and now, he wants her to get in trouble on purpose! No, not going to happen.

"You have to break out our thief, Bitch," continued Cartman, looking at the only female member.

"Fuck no!"

"What?!"

"No way in hell am I going in there alone! If you want me to come, some of you have to go with me!"

"I'm the Grand Wizard, and what I say, goes! Now get your girly ass towards the school and break out Feldspar! If not, you will be severely punished for disobeying me!"

"Oh what are you doing to do? Whack me with that dumb staff of yours? I'm a black belt, and what are you? A minor kid with no kung fu skills whatsoever. And also, fat."

"GOD DAMNIT I'M NOT FAT, I'M FREAKIN' BIG-BONED!"

"Whatever!" scoffed Ricky. "Look, either some of you have to go and assist me, or you can shove yourselves up your asses, especially Mr. 'Wizard King' right here!"

Everyone glanced at each other, surprised that someone, especially the only girl in the kingdom, had the guts to stand up to Cartman. Especially Cartman himself. "And one more thing," said Ricky, planning to trick him. "If you really don't want to be called fat, then prove yourself by sending some guys with me!"

"FINE! Token, Princess Kenny, you go with the annoying Bitch and help her rescue Feldspar! But first, I'm going to have to teach her how to fight with magic! It's time for her to learn 'Dragonshout.'"

Ricky smirked in victory. At least she got some reinforcements, but she was wondering what Token and Kenny could do as she followed Cartman. Oh well, at least she got to learn magic, and just what kind of magic is Cartman planning to teach her?

Ricky followed Cartman to a clear area, where there were scarecrows with targets planted all over them. "You fight well, Bitch," said Cartman, once again getting on her nerves. "But to truly succeed in combat, you must learn to harness the power...of your farts."

"Uh...what?"

"Farting on an opponent at precisely the right time is key to battle. I shall show you how it's done, but first, you must take the Gentlemen's Oath."

"...Sure, what the heck. I'll bite."

"You must promise to NEVER, EVER fart on anyone's balls, okay? Farting on an opponent is neccessary, but farting on someone's balls is not cool."

"What? Ew, gross!" said Ricky, disgusted. "Why would anyone fart on their balls? Okay, whatever. Not like I'm gonna do it anyways."

"Good. Then, let us begin your training!" Cartman walked towards a scarecrow and explained, "To conjure Dragonshout, you must first clear your mind and take in a deep breath through your butthole. Let it rumble inside you like this...and..." Cartman started grunting, and shouted, "DRAGONSHOUT!" When he farted, it send a wide puff of gas towards the scarecrow and moved it.

"Ugh! Gross, dude!" complained Ricky, covering her nose at the most nastiest smell ever. If that was supposed to be magic, no way was she gonna do it!

"Okay, now you try," suggested Cartman, backing away so she could do it.

"Dude, I'm not doing it."

"W-wait, what?"

"I'm not doing the Dragonshout! It's too gross and I don't see how it can be effective in battle other than smelling bad!"

"Dude, did you not see the scarecrow move?" argued Cartman, getting in front of the scarecrow like before. "Like this! DRAGONSHOUT!" On cue, he farted so loud, the entire neighborhood could hear him, and the scarecrow was close to falling to the ground. "See? Now you try!"

"I'm not doing it!" shouted Ricky, still covering her nose. "Besides, I'm a thief, not a wizard!"

"A thief who could use magic!"

"Dude, screw that! I'd rather be a thief without 'magic'."

As Ricky was walking away with Token and Kenny, Cartman yelled after her, "FINE! But when you're in trouble and need farts, you should expect me to say, 'I told you so!' You crazy Bitch!"

"Fuck off, fatass!" yelled Ricky, turning to face him before walking away to the school.

"AND I'M NOT FAT! I'm just big-boned!"

* * *

_Near the school... _

**"Are you sure disguising ourselves is a good idea, Ricky?"** asked Token, his entire face covered in a white ski mask and his mouth in a Bane mask.

Ricky, who had a black ski mask and a Bane mask on, nodded. **"Yeah. I mean, if we try and sneak into the school without anyone knowing our faces or our voices, then the teachers can't identify us by our faces and voices, and we won't get in trouble!"**

**"Okay, but what about Princess Kenny?"** Token pointed to Kenny, who had more makeup in his face and had two rubber balls planted on his chest underneath his chest area.

**"I decided to make him more...feminine for the time being. Besides, Kenny seems to like it."**

"MMPH HMMP MMP!" (It's Princess Kenny to you!)

**"Oh, here we are!"** whispered Token, walking towards a nearby window with Ricky and Kenny following him. Inside, they saw a teacher and some other students in the cafeteria, which seemed to be the detention room.

**"Who's the teacher?"** whispered Ricky, standing next to Token.

**"He's Mr. Mackey. He's a little strange sometimes. Oh, and there's Craig! The one with the blue cap and the yellow puffball on the top!"** Token pointed to the boy with the same description, and he was checking out his watch.

"Craig? Craig, this is DETENTION! Mkay, stop looking at your watch because you are here for three hours, buddy! Mkay?"

"...Whatever," said Craig.

"Now don't think your friends are gonna come bust you out this time, Craig!"

"My name is Feldspar and I'm a level 12 thief, and the humans will soon rescue me from this tower."

"No, your name is fuckin' CRAIG TUCKER, and you're in DETENTION!" yelled Mr. Mackey, slamming his fist against the table. "Start doing your homework! Mkay, I've got all the doors sealed, and I've got hallway monitors working overtime! Nobody is gonna save your ass today, Mkay?!"

**"Except for us! Let's go in,"** said Ricky to Token and Kenny, who nodded in agreement. **"Wait, are the front doors opened?"**

**"Yeah, it's for the hallway monitors,"** said Token, opening the front doors.** "But other than that, the other doors are sealed."**

Then, some ginger boys, who was most likely some of the hallway monitors, walked towards the trio and said, "Excuse me, but school is out, and no students allowed on the premises until tommorow at 7:30 A.M."

The trio glanced at each other before nodding in agreement, knowing what they have to do. **"ATTACK!"** yelled Ricky before jabbing her wooden dagger deep in a ginger boy's stomach, making him cough heavily before falling to his knees. Token ran past Ricky and finished off her opponent by smacking him across the head with a long stick that acted like a staff, knocking him out.

"W-what do we do?!" exclaimed one of the other two hallway monitors. Kenny got an idea and pulled down his dress shirt, exposing his fake breasts as he performed a dance. Whatever happened worked on the two hallway monitors and they were hypnotized by Kenny's 'breasts.'

**"Oh my God,"** said Ricky, facepalmming herself at how stupid the two ginger boys are.

**"Princess Kenny is the most attractive princess in all of Zaron. Not that surprising,"** said Token, shrugging his shoulders. **"But this is the perfect opportunity** **to attack! Let's go!"** He thrusted the end of his staff at a boy's stomach, making him puke and fall to the ground unconscious.

Ricky put away her dagger and started beating up the last ginger boy, careful not to beat him up too badly.** "Great! They're all defeated! Now what?"**

**"Now, we just have to find Craig and get out of here before anyone discovers our identities!"** said Token.

**"Hey, this is a pretty cool communicator,"** said Ricky, picking one of the walkie talkies up from an unconscious ginger boy.** "I always wanted one of those!"**

"Officer down! Officers down! Send backup!" cried out one of the ginger boys lying on the ground, communicating with one of the walkie talkies.

**"Jesus!"** cried out Ricky, nearly dropping the walkie talkie.

**"Hey, that kid's trying to send backup!"** said Token, pointing to the ginger boy with the walkie talkie.

"I repeat, offic-ugh!" Ricky rushed over and kicked the walkie talkie out of his hands before knocking him out with a karate chop to the neck.

* * *

_Meanwhile... _

_"I repeat, offic-ugh!" _The walkie talkie near Mr. Mackey's table went down, and there were no more signs of communication. "Oh god damnit," groaned Mr. Mackey.

"Heeeere they come," said Craig, glancing at his watch.

"They aren't gonna get you, Craig! You're not getting out of detention!"

"I'll be out of here in ten minutes."

* * *

_Back with Ricky and her crew... _

**"Great, he's alerted the other hallway monitors!"** said Token, alerted.

**"We have to make a full head-on charge,"** said Ricky glancing at her watch. **"If you escort us to the detention room and help us avoid the hallway monitors, we should rescue Craig in about...ten minutes. So let's try the doors until we find one unlocked!"**

Everyone spread around, trying to push open the doors when they were obviously locked. Then, Token pushed opened one of the doors and called out,** "I found an unlocked one! Let's move!"**

Once they got inside another hallway, they found some sort of small barricade with a couple of chairs in their way. One of the side were two ginger boys fully armed. "You're not getting past us!"

**"Princess Kenny! Do it!"** ordered Ricky. Kenny nodded and pulled down his dress shirt again, making the two ginger boys drool at his sight. With loud battle cries, Ricky and Token climbed up the small mountain of chairs and jumped off, finishing off the two ginger boys. Afterwards, like the good people they are, Ricky and Token helped Kenny climb up the chairs and the trio continued running.

Once they arrived at the entrance of the cafeteria, Ricky tried to push open the cafeteria doors, but found they were unlocked. **"Goddamnit, it's locked!" **

"You're not gonna get through this door, Mkay?" called out Mr. Mackey from the other side. "You might as well give up because I have hidden the key somewhere and you'll never find it in my office. Aw damnit! Mkay..."

"**Token, to his office!" **ordered Ricky.

Token nodded and escorted both her and Kenny towards the Counselor's Office, which was, unfortunately, locked. **"We need another key!" **

**"Maybe Mr. Mackey might provide us with 'answers.'" **Ricky got out her walkie talkie and said, **"Hey Mackey! We're going to go inside your office to get the dumb cafeteria key to unlock the door! How do you like them apples?" **

_"Ha! You won't be able to because my office is locked and one of the hallway monitors have the brass key! ...Oh damnit, mkay." _

**"Let's move!" **In another hallway, a ginger kid was guarding a gate on the other side, and they couldn't get past it.

"You'll never get past me!"

Ricky smirked and turned to Kenny. **"Princess Kenny, do it."**

Kenny nodded and walked towards the gate before pulling down his dress shirt, exposing his fake breasts again. "Oh wow! Boobies!" The ginger kid dropped his weapon and opened the gate, slowly approaching Kenny. "Must have...must touch..."

Once the ginger kid got close, Kenny got out a mirror and smashed it against the kid, knocking him out. **"Nice one, Princess Kenny!" **said Token as Ricky searched through the ginger kid's belongings.

**"He doesn't have a key! Let's move on!" **ordered Ricky. Once entering another hallway, there were three more hallway monitors, and one of them had a brass key.

"You can take the brass key from my cold, dead hands!" challenged the kid with the key.

"**Okay." **Ricky pulled out her slingshot and shot a ball at the kid's hand, causing him to drop the key. She continued firing balls at the three hallway monitors, causing them to try and block with their arms as Kenny and Token charged forward.

Kenny shot love arrows at the two hallway monitors, causing them to be defeated very quickly. Token ran towards the kid who previously had the key and smashed his jaw with his staff, causing him to cough out blood.

**"I got the key!" **shouted Token, picking up the brass key and rushing towards his allies.

"More officers down! We're taking heavy casualties here!" cried out one of the defeated hallway monitors with a walkie talkie.

**"God damnit, I have got to see my surroundings better!"** cursed Ricky before knocking the walkie talkie out of his hands.

_"Damnit, you hallway monitors need to stop play around!" _shouted Mr. Mackey through the walkie talkie.

"She's got the brass key! She's some kind of dragonborn!" cried out another hallway monitor before falling unconscious.

_"Now look, this is detention time, not the time to be playing Dungeons and Dragons! And besides, they're never gonna get inside here because to open the door, you need the gold key and the only way to get the gold key is by getting the silver key, mkay, which even if they have the brass key, they still haven't gotten past the boss level! ...Mkay?" _

**"...Wow. That was just...wow," **said Ricky, unsure what to say. **"...Let's just get to the office." **The trio entered the facility office, where a few more hallway monitors were inside. **"God damnit, not again!" **'

"They're here! Guard the key!" shouted one of them, already building up a baricade of chairs. Ricky spotted a high, tall table and gestured Kenny to stand on top of it.

Kenny understood her plan and stood up in it before stripping off his upper body, exposing his upper body and making the ginger kids drool and walk towards him like zombies. "Boobies...boobies..." they all groaned in happiness.

**"Ugh, men," **scoffed Ricky. **"Oh, not you, Token. You're alright."**

**"None taken." **In mere seconds, the two of them easily took out the distracted ginger kids before trying to pickpocket every single ginger in the room. **"Wait, there's no key on them!" **

**"Wait, who's that guy?" **wondered Ricky, pointing to an injured boy who was sitting in a corner.

When they approached the boy, he saw how every other ginger kid was defeated and stood up. "Thanks! I thought I was a goner! There were too many of them! They were too strong, their hair too red..." He handed a silver key to Ricky. "Maybe you can take this silver key and find the gold key! You can succeed where I have failed! Free Mackey's prisoners!"

It didn't take the trio long to get to the Counselor's Office, find the gold key, and head towards the cafeteria. Just when they were about to unlock it, a voice from behind called out, "That's far enough, intruders!"

They turned around to see a much taller, larger ginger kid, which happened to be the Hall Boss. **"Oh come on!" **complained Ricky.

"Where's your hall pass?" asked the Hall Boss.

"**Dude, we don't have time for this!" **

**"Yeah, we have to go free our friend," **said Token.

"No hall pass? Then it's time to write you a referral," said the Hall Boss, getting out a large stick with a dodgeball attached with a chain.

**"Princess Kenny, do it!" **shouted Ricky quickly. Kenny quickly took off his upper dress shirt and was exposing his 'breasts,' but it didn't even affect the Hall Boss so he swung his staff and the dodgeball smashed Kenny's head against the lockers, splitting it open and causing Kenny's dead corpse to fall to the ground, shocking Token and Ricky.

"Ha! Too bad for you, I'm into more hot, older women!" crackled the Hall Boss.

**"Holy shit, dude!"** yelled Ricky, still shocked.

**"Oh my God, he killed Kenny!"** cried out Token, pointing to the Hall Boss.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in the elf kingdom... _

"You bastard!"

"Kyle, what you doing?"

"Oh...nothing, Stan. Strange, I had a sudden urge to say that."

* * *

"Oh yeah, that's the boss!" called out Mr. Mackey from the other side of the cafeteria. "Good luck fighting the boss, mkay. You still think this is a game, kids?"

**"Dude, shut up!"** shouted Ricky.

**"What do we do? I'm just a priest, and you're just a thief! Without the power of Princess Kenny's breasts, we stand no chance!" **cried out Token.

**"Okay, first off, it's two against one. Second, we're more than enough of a match for him. And third, we tried the seductive breast trick, and it didn't work on him! Therefore, we can do this!"**

**"You're right! Let's do this!" **

"You'll regret those words!" the Hall Boss said, swinging his dodgeball staff at them. Token and Ricky jumped out of the way and spread apart. The Hall Boss got out his own walkie talkie and said, "Backup requested! I repeat, backup requested!"

Token and Ricky noticed that three more ginger kids arrived, armed for battle. **"Got any ideas?" **asked Token.

**"Yeah! It's like every fight in a gang! They don't strategize hard enough, so let's have the Hall Boss take down his own lackeys! That, and this!" **Ricky went up to a ginger kid and kicked him right between the legs before ducking to the ground, allowing the dodgeball to hit the ginger kid and knock him out.

**"Ohh...Yeah, I get it!" **Token and Ricky charged towards a ginger kid and started to gang up on him as he tried to defend their attacks with his weapon. Then, when the time was right, both ran out of the way as the Hall Boss accidentally hit the ginger kid they were beating up, smashing him against the lockers.

With loud war cries, both Token and Ricky tackled a ginger kid from both sides, forced his hands behind his back, and brought him up to his feet and used him as a shield. Both winched in pain as they watched the poor ginger kid accidentally get smacked in the face by a swinging dodgeball each time. Then they charged, using the ginger kid as a moving shield before they had to let him go so they could defend themselves at a distance and away from the dodgeball staff. They felt bad for the unconscious kid they used as a shield.

**"Anymore strategies?" **asked Token.

Ricky got an idea and said, **"Yeah, get me close enough, and I might be able to finish him off!" **

Token nodded and rushed towards the Hall Boss, clashing staff and staff with him. Ricky rushed towards the Hall Boss and dodged the flying dodgeball before watching it hit Token in the side of his head so hard, it knocked him to the ground, having a bleeding wound. Quickly, Ricky got out the same pepper spray the security guard from before had and sprayed it all over the Hall Boss's face, causing him to throw up and fall to the ground, clutching his stomach.

Token got up and rubbed his head before seeing the pepper spray. **"Nice. Wait, isn't that the same pepper spray the security guard uses?"**

**"Yeah...about that...I might have...ductaped him to a tree to get into your house."**

**"Wait, what?! So thats why he was trapped there!"**

**"Hey, I didn't want to, but we had no choice!"**

Token sighed. **"Alright, let's just go get Craig." **

Ricky unlocked the cafeteria doors and pushed them open, bringing everyone's attention. "YAY!" everyone in the cafeteria cheered before running off. Token and Ricky ran off as well, leaving only an enraged teacher to try and chase them while shaking his fist in the air.

"DAMN YOU, CRAIG!"

Once outside, Ricky, Craig, and Token panted for breath before catching their breaths. Token took off his Bane mask and his ski mask before saying, "That was a close call!"

Ricky also took off her masks and agreed. "Tell me about it!"

"Thanks for busting me out, both of you," thanked Craig emotionlessly. He turned to Ricky and asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Frederica, but I perfer to be called Ricky."

"Oh yeah, that new kid. I'm heading back to Kupa Keep. See you guys there."

After he left, Ricky said, "Well, he seems...nice."

"Yeah, he's always been like that. Come on, let's go."

As they were leaving, Ricky spotted a My Little Pony doll on the ground and decided to pick it up so she could try and find the owner before returning it to them.

* * *

**Hey guys! I'm finished at long last so read and review! Also, there's still a chance at the romance poll in my profile! The top two are Craig and Kyle! Which guy should she go after? **


	5. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey

**Love this fanfic so much! Also, thanks for voting in the polls, but they're still available! So far, Kyle's in the lead with Craig in second place! Don't know how I'm pairing Ricky with Kyle, but I'll try! **

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

"Hey Craig? Can I ask you something?" asked Ricky as she, Token, and Craig were walking back. "Butters told me that you flipped off the principal, so what does that mean?"

"It means this." Craig turned around and held up his middle finger.

"...What does that do?"

"It means to flip off someone. Like saying, 'fuck you' or 'Screw you,'" explained Token.

"Oh! You mean like this?" asked Ricky, holding up her middle finger for Token to see.

"Yeah, but don't point it at me. It's kinda offensive."

"Oh, sorry."

"We're here," said Craig, arriving in front of Cartman's house. Once they got to the backyard, they could see Cartman waiting for their return as everyone else was preparing themselves to get the Stick of Truth back.

"Hey fatass, I got Craig back," said Ricky, presenting Craig. "And by the way, I didn't even need to use fart magic, so ha!"

"'EY! First, I'm not fat, I'm fuckin' buff! Second, it's Feldspar! Not Craig! And third, HOW?! How did you manage to get Feldspar back from the clutches of detention without using arcane fire magic?!"

"I'm not using farts to get my way inside!" shouted Ricky, disgusted. "That's sick! And with careful strategies and some disguises, we were able to beat the hallway monitors, even the big, final boss!"

Some warriors who were nearby, gasped and rushed towards Ricky. "You defeated the final boss? The big hallway monitor?"

"The one that everyone fears?"

"No one's ever defeated him before!"

"I can't take all the credit," said Ricky, pulling Token close to her. "Token helped me too."

"Whoa, cool!"

"We might have a chance after all!"

"If they defeated the boss, then we might be able to get the stick back!"

"Alright, enough!" called Cartman. "Gentlemen, thanks to the new kid, our entire army is assembled! It is my belief that the new kid deserves to be rank in level. To honor her efforts, she will no longer be called 'Bitch.'"

"Really? Sweet!" cheered Ricky. Finally, she would get the respect she deserved! Finally, she would no longer be called that stupid nickname! At last, she'll be able to get her name heard!

"New kid, I herby dub thee...LADY Bitch! Congratulations!"

Ricky's mouth dropped open in shock, then she regained herself and flipped him off, saying, "Fuck you!"

Everyone but Craig gasped, and quickly muttered whispers. "Oh my God, she did it!"

"For the first time, minus Feldspar, she flipped off the Wizard King!"

"She's truly brave!"

"She's in so much trouble now!"

Cartman seemed more than mad enough. "Hey! No one flips off the Wizard King! But since you were rewarded, I'll let this slide just this once!"

"Dude, I don't want Lady Bitch! You can call me Lady Ricky, or even Lady Frederica! But not Lady Bitch! And give Token a reward too! He helped out!"

"Yeah!" agreed Token.

"Okay, first off, I can't give him a reward. He hasn't worked hard enough for it-"

"HASN'T WORKED HARD ENOUGH?! Look at his forehead!" shouted Ricky, pointing to Token's forehead, which was a bit bandaged up. "He got that injury while fighting that hallway monitor boss!"

Cartman yelled "Alright, ENOUGH! If you don't like Lady Bitch, then I herby announce you as Lady Whore!"

"W-WHAT?!"

Craig placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "Just let it go, Ricky. He's always like that. We won't call you Lady Whore."

"Yeah, whatever," said Cartman. "But now it is time for us to take back that which is rightfully ours. A Carrier Raven has come with news that the Stick of Truth has not yet been taken to the Elven Forest. It is in the possession of...The Bard."

Everyone's reactions were sudden shock, except for Ricky who had no idea who the Bard was. "The Bard?!" exclaimed Scott.

"Oh God, not the Bard!" cried out Tweek.

"Who's that?" asked Ricky, confused.

"The Bard is a level 10 drow elf who uses music to enchant and destroy his enemies!" explained Butters.

"So? We just face the Bard, take his instrument, break it, and he's vulnerable."

"No, you don't understand what terrors he can unleash!" cried Butters. "His magical songs are so powerful, they can do unbelieveable things!"

"Right...I'll see for myself then."

"Lady Whore," started Cartman. "Are you ready to begin your training for the arcane fire magic? It will be a tough journey."

"First, stop calling me that! And second, no! I'm not using farts! They're useless anyways! Let's just get this mission over with!" said Ricky, frustrated.

"Fine! But when you're in trouble and need farts, you should expect me to say, 'I told you so!'"

"You said that last time, and look where it got me! I managed to rescue Craig, and I didn't even need to use the stupid fart magic!"

"Whatever!" said Cartman. "Anyways, if the carrier ravens are correct, the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he's able to take the Stick back to the Elven Forest."

"LET US FIND THE BARD AND BRING HIM TO JUSTICE!" Butters declared, raising up his hammer for battle.

"Whoa, Butters!" said Ricky, surprised and impressed.

"Make haste to the Giggling Donkey!" ordered Cartman before everyone marched towards the Giggling Donkey.

* * *

_In front of the Inn of the Giggling Donkey..._

Everyone creeped from their hiding spots behind the bushes so they could see the Inn of the Giggling Donkey, which really wasn't an inn, and more of a house. "There it is...The Inn of the Giggling Donkey," said Cartman dramatically.

"...Oh," said Ricky, not impressed.

"Paladin, are you sure the Bard is hiding out in there?" asked Cartman to Butters.

"That's what Twitter says."

Cartman sighed. "_Carrier Raven_, Butters!"

"S-sorry. That's what the Carrier Raven says."

"Craig and Token, guard the back door," ordered Cartman. "Butters, Kenny, Lady Whore, let's go inside."

As infuritating as Cartman was, Ricky stayed her cool and followed Cartman, Butters, and Kenny inside. Once inside, they saw some players chatting and drinking like it was some sort of bar. The manager was behind a counter with lots of soda behind him, acting like the bartender. Also, there was some comforting jazz music going on.

"Stay close, Lady Whore," warned Cartman. "The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors the scum of all of Zaron. And although there are almost zero to none female characters, most of these men will do anything to rape young women like you."

Ricky frowned. "I can take care of myself, you know."

Once they arrived in front of the young bartender, Cartman said, "A glass of meddlewine, please."

"No Meddlewine today. Only Fairy Ale."

"A pint of Fairy Ale, then."

As the waiter poured some Fairy Ale into a cup, Cartman asked, "So, has uh...anyone seen the Bard lately?"

The music screeched to a stop, and everyone turned to Cartman and his crew. Ricky had seen too many movies to see where this was going, so she secretly got out her wooden dagger. "Change the subject, moron," muttered Ricky.

"A cup of Fairy Ale isn't much is not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs," defended Cartman, his tone a little nervous. Everyone else continued to glare at him and his party.

"Sure, he's here, alright," said the bartender. "He's got a room down in the cellar."

"Ah, then I shall pay handsomely for his services." He finished drinking his Fairy Ale before tossing the cup to the ground and tossing coins to the bartender before he and his crew left for the cellar.

"Great, now thanks to your giant mouth, something bad's gonna happen. I just know it. It's probably a trap," said Ricky once the four of them were in front of the cellar.

Cartman ignored her comment and said, "Butters, Lady Whore, go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting here to murder him."

"Dude! Isn't murder a bit extreme? Can't we just capture him instead?"

"No! The Bard is a nuisance to the Humans! He must be eliminated! Remember, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you."

Once Butters and Ricky entered inside the cellar, it was dark and no light was provided for both of them. "Great. Butters, you got a flashlight?"

"Hold on a second. And...got it!" Butters clicked on the button of his flashlight and moved it around. "Now we have light! Follow me!" Both Butters and Ricky started walking around the cellar carefully, sometimes tripping over objects but also being careful at the same time.

Then, a strange musical tone was heard, and it made Butters and Ricky's ears screech before they had to cover their ears and look around. SOme more suspenseful music was heard, and Butters aimed the flashlight at the Bard. "Oh Jesus, it's the Bard!"

It turns out the Bard was nothing more than a handicapped boy with a ukulele. "Prepare for battle, w-w-w-weaklings! Elves, fall in!" At his command, three elves surrounded the two of them.

Meanwhile, up in the cellar, Kenny and Cartman were being taken by some elves. "Whore! It's a Trap!"

"I told you so!" yelled Ricky as the lights went on.

"You should have never come here, h-humans!" stuttered Jimmy the Bard. "I am a level 10 Bard, and with my lute, I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of ench-with magical songs of encha-With magical songs of enchaaa...Mag-magical songs of enchame-me-me...with magical songs of encha...with magical songs of ench-aaaaa...w-with magical-"

"-Songs of enchantment! We get it!" said Ricky impatiently as she got her weapon out. "Let's just get this over with! Ready, Butters?"

Butters unsheathed his hammer and stood his ground. "Ready!"

Jimmy stood on top of a box, and two of the elves readied their bow and arrows as another elf got his sword out. _"~There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow...~ She didn't talk much but boy did she swallow.~" _

"That wasn't a bad song, actually," admitted Ricky, impressed.

"Oh no! Our enemies got stronger now!" cried out Butters.

"How? Was it because they got encouraged by a song?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Elves, attack!" ordered Jimmy. Two of the archers shot arrows at Butters and Ricky, but missed and hit the wall. Ricky charged towards the archers, who were trying to load their bows as fast as they could.

"Die, archers!" declared Ricky, pouncing on one of them and trying to yank the bow out of his hands, leading to some wrestling. The other archer decided to change his target and aim for Butters, who was engaged in combat against the only swordsman right now.

"Ow!" cried out Butters, getting an injury for the arrow he got. While he was distracted, the swordsman struck his wooden sword at Butter's stomach and caused him to crash into a wall. Butters struggled to get up and managed to block the swordsman's wooden sword. The archer decided to aim for Ricky, but missed.

"_I have a nice lance that she sat upon.~ The maiden from Stonebury was also your Mom.~"_

"That's it, you're fuckin' dead, kid!" threatned Ricky, picking up the archer she was fighting by the shirt collar. With all of her strength, she threw him towards Jimmy, who yelped and ducked in time.

_"~There once was this maiden that's strong and dependent.~ She wasn't much, but boy did she struggle.~" _Jimmy sang quickly in order to avoid anymore danger.

"Nice. But you're still dead to me anyways," deadpanned Ricky before getting shot in the back. "Ow! That's it!" She suddenly ran off and disappeared, making the archer confused. Ricky appeared behind the archer in a flash and pinned him to the ground before kicking his side, hard.

"Ricky, watch out!" called out Butters. Ricky turned and blocked an attack from the unexpecting swordsman, but fell to the ground due to the strength he put into his wooden sword.

Butters gasped, then was determined to avenge his friend. "By the hammer of Butters!" He spinned around and around, then let go of his hammer, which hit the swordsman and knocked him out.

"Butters! What did you do?!" exclaimed Ricky, getting up.

"I was just...wondering if it worked!"

"Well, it was awesome! You should use that move more often!"

"For the Elven Kingdom!" cried out the last archer, aiming an arrow at them. Butters got in the way and got struck in the chest, falling to the ground. Ricky gasped, then aimed a ball from her slingshot and hit the archer in the eye before he collapsed. Ricky found that she ran out of balls to shoot, then stoled the archer's fake bow and arrow and shot the ukulele that Jimmy had before he could play again.

"Butters! You alright?" asked Ricky, helping him stand up.

"Ow...in a minute, I suppose..."

Meanwhile, Jimmy had already made it to the top of the stairs in the cellar and opened the door to reveal more elves. "Get down there and finish them off. I will protect the Stick of Truth."

After the elves barged into the cellar, they glanced around and found Butters and Ricky nowhere to be found. "Where did they go?" one of the elves questioned.

Butters and Ricky were hiding behind some boxes, trying not to get caught. "Alright, when their guard is down, we attack one by one," whispered Ricky to Butters, who nodded in agreement.

Then, they saw Craig up behind the window, who also saw them. "Hey, Ricky! Butters! Up here!"

"What the-?" As the elves turned to find Craig behind the window, Ricky shot arrows at one of the elves, knocking him out. Once that elf was knocked out, the elves turned to find Ricky and Butters out of their hiding spot.

"There they are! Get them!" shouted one of the elves as they charged towards the two humans.

"Run, Butters!" said Ricky, getting out her pepper spray. As both charged and yelled out battle cries, whenever an elf got close to them, Ricky would spray them in the face, causing them to puke and fall to the ground. Finally, both of them managed to climb a few cabinets and unlock the window, allowing Craig to enter.

"Thank you, Ricky and noble paladin. You managed to get me inside," thanked Craig.

"Can you get us out? I think they locked us in," requested Butters.

"Nothing a level 12 thief can't take care of!" Butters and Ricky followed Craig towards the locked door and watched as he picked the lock to unlock it before they exited.

"FOR THE ELF KING!" declared one of the elves as he rushed into the kitchen.

"AAHAAHAHA! Someone help!" cried out Cartman.

"Cartman?" wondered Ricky before she and her allies rushed inside the kitchen. Cartman was laying on the ground, getting beat up by some elves.

"Take that asshole!"

"Die, Wizard King!"

"Oh no! We gotta help him!" cried out Butters.

"Can we just...can we just wait a minute?" asked Ricky, suddenly entertained by Cartman's torment. "In fact, let's just wait until after the elves deal with him. Then, we can get their guard down and attack-"

"You just want to see the Wizard King's ass kicked, don't you?" questioned Craig monotonously.

"Damn right I do!"

"Well, I'm not going to stand around and do nothin'!" said Butters, raising up his hammer. "For the Humans! For the Wizard King!" He charged forward and took out an elf with one hard blow.

"God damnit, Butters," muttered Ricky before spraying an elf in the eyes with the pepper spray, causing him to puke and get knocked out. Craig finished off the other elf with ease.

"My lord, are you alright?" asked Butters, who started to heal some of Cartman's wounds. Once some of his wounds were healed, Cartman started coughing out what seemed to be blood.

"Oh my God, is that real blood?!" exclaimed Ricky, suddenly worried for Cartman.

"His powers were too strong," coughed out Cartman before taking out some ketchup packs and pouring them in his mouth before coughing them out like blood, annoying Ricky. "The Bard...He's up in one of the rooms."

_'Ketchup. Of course he had to be dramatic. And here I was worried for him!' _thought Ricky, annoyed.

"They took Princess Kenny! They took her upstairs. I'm sure they're gonna rape her. Don't let them rape-'EY! COME BACK SO I CAN TALK TO YOU, LADY WHORE!"

The moment he mentioned Kenny getting rape, Ricky already left to go rescue him through the messy maze in the living room, defeating elves left from right using the power of her pepper spray as she went to unlock the door so that the others could enter. Craig was following her and helping her as Butters was still trying to 'heal' Cartman.

"Where's the king?" asked Token.

"He's over there! He's hurt bad!" said Craig, pointing to the kitchen.

"Good thing my medicine skills are plus 4!" bragged Token as he and Tweek started going to the kitchen. Butters followed Ricky and Craig as they started walking up the stairs and heard Kenny's muffled screams for help.

"We gotta get to the princess!" cried out Butters, trying to open the door for the first one. "It won't open!"

"Let's try the other one!" offered Ricky, opening the second door. Once inside, they saw Kenny on a bed, tied up, as an elf was jumping up and down, doing...absolutely nothing to the princess.

"...What are they doing?" asked Craig.

"Oh my God," said Ricky, facepalmming.

"Aah! My eyes! Cover them!" screamed Butters, covering his eyes.

Ricky sighed, then climbed up the bed and pepper sprayed the elf before he fell over and puked. She untied Kenny, who muffled a thanks to her before they got down and exited the room.

When the trio exited the room, they found Cartman and Token waiting for them. "Princess Kenny! How badly did they rape you?!"

"They didn't rape her," answered Ricky. "In fact, the elf that kept her captive just bounced up and down, doing nothing."

"I can't get through!" said Token, who was trying to open a door. "The door appears to be enchanted so I can't turn the knob!"

Cartman tried to turn the knob but found it didn't work, so he knocked on the door wit his staff in frustration. "You can't hold the doorknob, Bard! That's cheating!"

"Yeah I can!" called back Jimmy, who was holding the doorknob from the other side. "I have the Stick of Truth, which means I control the universe, and I say holding the doorknob is okay!"

"Ugh! Can he do that?" questioned Cartman.

"He has the Stick of Truth, he can do what he wants," said Craig.

"Damnit!" Cartman tried opening the door, but he couldn't open the doorknob. "There's got to be another way into this room!"

"Wait, look up there!" called out Ricky, pointing to the ceiling. Everyone glanced up and saw an entrance to the attic, only there was no ladder, and an elf was glancing down at them.

"Hey, let us up!" shouted Token.

"You're not getting up here! The ladder's up here with me! And I'm sure as shit not coming down here!"

Ricky turned to Kenny with her arms crossed and said, "Do it, Kenny. Do your stuff."

Kenny understood what she meant and stepped forward, pulling down his dress shirt to show his 'breasts.' That seemed to catch the elf's attention, as he pulled down the ladder and started climbing down. "Well, lookie what we got here. I'm coming for ya, baby! Oh yeah! Ooohhh...those are some big o'bitties..."

Kenny giggled before smashing his face with a mirror, knocking him out. "Great, let's move in!" Ricky, Kenny, and Butters started climbing up the ladder, but she noticed that the others weren't following. "Hey, aren't you guys coming?"

Cartman stretched his arms and yawned. "Sorry, but unfortunately, I still have injuries, so-"

"You know what? Screw you, I'm leaving. Come on, Kenny and Butters." Once on top of the attic, they had to be on their guard in case any other elves were hidden inside.

"Ricky? How will we be able to reach the Bard now?" asked Butters nervously.

"Don't worry, Butters! All we need to do is believe in our-"

Suddenly, a loud cry caught their attention, and they saw an elf charge towards them with a small knife. Both Ricky and Butters moved out of the way, but the elf stabbed Kenny instead, causing the princess to stumble back and land on some wood that gave in and created a hole, falling to his death.

"Oh my God! He killed Kenny!" cried out Butters, pointing to the elf.

"You bastard!" yelled Ricky before spraying some pepper spray in the elf's face, watching as he puked and fell to the ground. "Let's go! Kenny's death will not be in vain!"

"Right!" Both Ricky and Butters jumped down the hole that Kenny created and landed in front of a startled Jimmy. They unlocked the door, and Cartman, Craig, Scott, and Token barged in.

"You've nowhere to run, Bard! Give me the Stick of Truth," demanded Cartman.

"Take it from me if you can, W-Wizard King!" challenged Jimmy. "Step forward now, and fufill your de-de...and fufill your de-deee...Step forward now and fufill your de-dee...Step forward now and fufill your de-Your de-...Your deeee...Step forward now, and fufill your-"

"-Destiny!" finished Ricky.

"You are no match for a Grand Wizard!" said Cartman, who seemed to accept his challenge.

"The Stick belongs with us! And I shall use every bardic power in my class to keep it from you!"

"Fine. You wanna throw down, brah? Kick his ass, Whore."

"Wait, what?" asked Ricky, stunned.

"Who is Whore?" asked Jimmy.

"That's LADY Whore to you! And she's about to teach you some manners, Bard!"

"Hold on, hold on!" said Ricky. "I thought you were going to go! And I'm no Lady Whore! My name's Frederica! Ricky for short!"

"As your king, I order you to go one-on-one with The Bard!"

Ricky rolled her eyes. "Fine!" She walked up to Jimmy and sprayed the pepper spray at his face until the spray was used up. Jimmy fell to the ground and started throwing up over and over.

Cartman got the stick from the sick Bard and declared, "The Stick is ours!"

"Yay!" everyone cheered before running out of the room. Ricky felt pity for Jimmy, and helped him get to bed before running off with the others.

* * *

_At Kupa Keep... _

The Stick of Truth was laying majestically in its own safekeep spot, where Cartman was staring at it. "The Stick of Truth is back where it belongs! Great job, men!"

"And woman!" called out Ricky.

Cartman sighed. "Great job men, AND woman! Whore, for your heroic deeds and valiant self-sacrifice at the great Battle at the Giggling Donkey, I herby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK!"

"I already was a member, remember?" reminded Ricky as everyone applauded.

Just then, Mrs. Cartman entered outside and called out, "It's getting late. The Grand Wizard needs to go night-night."

Cartman groaned. "Okay, Mom. Thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone."

"It's a school night, hon. You and your little druid friends need to-"

"WE'RE NOT DRUIDS, MOM! WE'RE FUCKIN' WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!"

"Dude!" shouted Ricky, mad at Cartman for yelling at his Mom for one little mistake.

"That's it, you're going to bed," said Mrs. Cartman, pulling Cartman's arm. "The rest of you better get home too."

If there was one thing Ricky wanted to say, it was that she now respected Mrs. Cartman.

* * *

**Whew! And I am done for today! What do you guys think of this chapter? I know it was a bit rushed, but that pepper spray really does work! Anyways, there's still time for the love poll in my profile!**


	6. Alien Abduction

**So far, so good people! Love the positive reviews so far and thank you for your support! I also love this story!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park only the OCs! **

* * *

Ricky was feeling a bit happy today, due to the fact that she knew how to flip people off now and that Mrs. Cartman had probably grounded Cartman for his bad behavior earlier. When she arrived back home, it was dark and her parents were watching TV.

"Well, there she is!" chirped Dad happily.

"You make any new friends, sweetheart?" asked Mom.

"Yeah! Today sure was interesting!" said Ricky.

"Well, it's late, sweetie. Go up to bed, and I'll be up to say goodnight."

"Ok. See ya guys!" Once Ricky arrived in her room, she quickly changed into her blue My Little Pony PJs before snuggling with the My Little Pony doll she found earlier after she and Token rescued Craig. Tommorow, she would find the owner and return it to them, but for now, she wanted to snuggle and spend as much time as possible with the doll since she never had one.

Just when she was about to fall asleep, some sort of light made her block her eyes and she glanced at the window to see lights. She got off the bed and wondered, "Uh...what the hell?" She turned to the door and called out, "Mom? Dad?"

Then she could see light underneath her bedroom door, and the door slowly crept opened to see some sort of alien. "Aliens?!" She got out her phone and quickly took pictures of it, causing it to cover its face in fear. Knowing full well that this wasn't going to end well, she threw the cell phone under her bed and looked for her wooden dagger. There was no way in hell she was going down without a fight!

In a flash, before she knew it, she found herself sleepy and was being dragged by aliens from a forest, into a weird hallway, and into some sort of room. When she was half awake, she understood the fact that she was being alien kidnapped by aliens, but after seeing the next three people being...somewhat raped, it was an experience or dream, that she would never forget anytime soon.

"I'm having the dream again...mkay...This is dreamy..."

"What's...happening...?"

"Oh...Jesus! JESUS CHRIST! Oho, can we try the big silver one again?"

_'...I'm not...I can't...what...?!' _thought Ricky, obviously disturbed. She closed her eyes and pretended to still be asleep as she felt herself being laid down on some sort of bed. The aliens soon left her alone, and she waited a few minutes until she opened her eyes to see she was in some sort of weird place.

"Is this your first time getting probed?" asked a mysterious voice behind her. She turned and saw a full grown man with a mustache, laying on a different bed with his bed sticking out.

"Ugh! Gross! Get away!" Ricky sat up and covered her eyes.

"Yeah, it's a pain, but this is the kind of stuff you put with living in a remote little mountain town. At least we don't have to deal with traffic."

"Dude! I'm a kid here! Pull up your pants before I can talk to you properly!" shouted Ricky, still covering her eyes.

"I would, except I'm kinda strapped here." The man addressed to his strapped and securely tied arms to the bed. "I'm Randy. Randy Marsh, by the way."

"Ugh...I'm Frederica. But I perfer Ricky," sighed Ricky, lowering her hands so that she might as well get it over with. After all, she's only seeing his naked butt, not his other private parts. She jumped down from her bed and checked to see if she had anything on her. All she had was the My Little Pony doll.

"Hey, get me loose, too!" said Randy.

"Alright, alright! Anything to stop seeing your ass..." she muttered as she tried to walk around. Then, her face collided with some sort of invisible wall. "What the-?!" She touched around and found herself trapped inside some invisible dome. "Oh great, a force field! Just great! Now how am I gonna break free?"

Then, an alien with a laser gun entered and saw that one of the prisoners was awake and pointed its gun at her. Ricky raised her arms and said, "Wait! Before you shoot, can you please take me to the bathroom? I really need to go badly!"

The alien nodded and said, "Moo moo!" Ricky was forced to follow him as it lead the way, walking past other patients that were currently being 'experimented.'

Ricky gasped and saw something glowing on the ground. "Look, Mr.! Some glowing thingy on the ground!" When the alien bent down to see what glowing she was talking about, Ricky snatched the laser gun from its hands and shot it in the face, watching it fall to the ground, defeated. "Sweet! I took out an alien, AND got this cool gun! Now to get back to that Randy guy!"

Ricky ran back to where she and Randy were being kept, which wasn't that far away. "Oh! You managed to get away from that Visitor! Good job!" cheered Randy.

"Wait, what do you mean?" asked Ricky.

"Well, these aliens are called Visitors, and they think cows are the most intelligent beings on Earth."

"...You've got to be kidding me."

"No, I'm serious! It's true! Why do you think that one guy said, 'Moo?'"

"Hmm...good point." Ricky held the laser gun and pointed at the force field covering Randy. "Adios, force field!" Pulling the trigger, she fired a laser at the force field, only to find it had no effect at all. "Oh come on!"

"I'm surrounded by some kind of force field," said Randy. "Go find a way to shut it off. When you break me free, I can show you how to get off the ship!"

"Wait, you know how to get off this ship?"

"Sure I do. After all, I've been here a couple of times."

"And just how many times have you been here before?" exclaimed Ricky.

"I dunno. Lost count. Anyways, get me loose!"

"Aright, fine!" Ricky left the area since there was nothing to free Randy with and tried to find anything useful as she explored the ship, careful not to expose herself. She was also going to try and save as many of the patients as possible.

"Mmmp mmm." (Hey Ricky.) said Kenny, walking past her.

"Oh, hey Kenny." Suddenly, Ricky stopped and turned around to see Kenny still in his princess costume. "Kenny?! They abducted you too?!"

"Mmm Mphhh!" (That's right!)

"...You're seriously wearing your princess costume, even in bed?"

"(Hey, you're one to talk! You're wearing My Little Pony pajamas! Specifically the Rainbow Dash kinds!)"

"Yeah...Rainbow Dash is the best!" squealed Ricky. Then, she aggressively grabbed Kenny by the dress collar and shouted, "And if you tell ANYONE, especially FATASS, about me liking My Little Pony, I will personally, royally, screw you over! Got that?!"

"(Okay! Okay! I won't tell!)"

"Good!" She let go of Kenny, who breathed a sigh of relief. "So, what now? I have to go free some guy named Randy so he can show us the way out."

"(Oh, Stan's Dad? Well-oh jeez!) Kenny and Ricky saw an alien who spotted them and it ran off, triggering an alarm that trapped both of them with laser bars, causing two more aliens to come out.

"Son of a bitch!" Ricky cursed, taking out her laser gun. She shot multiple shots at the three of them randomly, and after being shot a few times since the lasers went through the gaps of the bars, the aliens fell to the ground, defeated.

"(Nice one, Ricky! Now watch this!)" Kenny turned around and pulled down his pants.

Ricky turned away, disgusted. "Dude! Not cool!"

(Just trust me on this one! Touch me, and you'll see!)" Still disgusted, Ricky touched his dress, and some sort of probe came out of his butt along with a small satellite.

"...Dude, what the fuck...?" Before Ricky could question more, she and Kenny teleported to the other side of the laser bars, where the defeated aliens were. "Whoa! That thing can let you teleport?"

"(Sure can! But only for short distances! Maybe there might be more!)" As she and Kenny started walking towards the elevator, they couldn't find a way to open it. "(Well, now what?)"

Then, the screen above the elevator showed Randy trying to communicate through. **"Oh, hey. There you are. If you guys have a probe, you might have a lambda containment block. Take that elevator next to you. The probe in your asshole should interface with it."**

"I have no idea what's going on, but I'm pretty sure he means that weird thingy you pulled from your butthole earlier," said Ricky. Kenny nodded and pulled his pants down before releasing his probe, moving it around the sensors before the elevator doors opened and they stepped in.

Once they got out of the elevator and into a different area they've never seen before, Randy's face appeared once again on a different screen above the elevator. **"Great, you're in! You're looking for a security console. Should be one above you in Probe Maintenence and another below you in the Atmospheric Processor. Yeah, I know this stuff." **

"How do you know this stuff?" demanded Ricky, getting a little weird out. However, the screen already blacked out. Kenny and Ricky teleported to a platform below them, and just before they could move around, Ricky saw some sort of recorder on the ground. "What's this?"

She played the recorder, and both she and Kenny listened carefully. _"Uh, hello? Is this recording? If you are hearing this, I've been taken hostage on some kind of alien ship. The aliens did...unspeakable things to my rectal cavity, but I've broken free. I'm so scared and alone. I mjst find a way off this ship. Oh god, they're coming! Why am I standing here making an autoblog? I don't have time for this! Leave me alone!" _

Frightened, Ricky clicked the recorder off and turned to Kenny, who also looked frightened. "I've seen too many alien movies to know that when someone sounds like that, you know they're gonna be caught!"

"(Well, what now?") wondered Kenny. Then, they heard some small sniffles and glanced down to see a young girl their age being dragged by some aliens in some sort of tube pathway. "(We gotta save her!)"

"Damn right we do! Kenny, teleport!" Kenny nodded and focused on his probe before both of them teleported in front of the two aliens. Ricky began shooting one of them to death with her laser gun as Kenny grabbed the other one and started stomping on it until it was crushed to death. (Remember when Kenny killed Death? Yeah, imagine that, only with the alien.)

"Thank you so much for saving me!" said the young girl. "My name's Ally! Nice to meet you!"

"I'm Ricky, and this is Kenny! We're trying to find a way out of here! You should come with us!"

"Okay, sure! If only I had My Little Pony doll...then I'd feel safer."

"Do you mean this?" asked Ricky, taking out the My Little Pony doll from her pocket.

Ally gasped and hugged it tightly. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I thought I lost this! You see, I was walking back home, when I was attacked by these boys dressed like elves! They beat me up badly, but I managed to escape, but I realized I left my doll behind! But thank you for retrieving it for me!"'

"(Those damn elves! Hurting an innocent girl!)" cursed Kenny angrily.

"I'm starting to see what kind of people the elves are," agreed Ricky, clutching her fists. The trio entered in a small area, where they saw Randy's face on another screen, and luckily, there were no aliens around.

**"Great, you're there! See if you can free me from that console. Probably not, though. It's incredibly advanced alien technology. No way a kid could work it." **

Ricky spotted some sort of console which had four colored buttons. She pressed a couple of them, but heard some sort of negative sound. Next, the trio watched in shock and horror as some sort of machine started sticking something up on Randy's butthole, doing unspeakable damage.

**"AAARGH!" **After a while, the machine stopped, and Randy sighed a breath of relief. **"You've gotta be close...come on...try again..." **

"Ugh...maybe it's Simon Says?" wondered Ricky, pressing more random buttons. However, the machine activated once more, making the kids watch as Randy screamed and struggle in pain.

"AAAAAAHH!" screamed Ally, covering her face with her My Little Pony doll.

"Sorry!" apologized Ricky.

"(Let me try!)" offered Kenny as soon as the machine stopped doing whatever it was doing to Randy's private parts.

"Uh...Kenny?" said Ricky nervously. "Maybe you should wait until-" No sooner did the words come out of her mouth did Kenny pressed buttons in a rhythmic motion, but he must have pressed a button wrong, because the strange machine activated once more.

"I can't watch!" cried out Ally.

"Kenny!"

"(Oh come on! How could I have possibly have known that?!)"

"That's it! I can't take it anymore!" screamed Ally, smashing her fists at random buttons.

"NO!" shouted both Kenny and Ricky before covering their eyes. However, they didn't hear any screaming or weird machine sounds, so they looked up to see Randy sighing in relief.

**"Whew! You guys did it, but unfortunately, that activated a different pathway! Sorry!" **

"How'd you do it, Ally?" asked Ricky, impressed.

"(Was it this button?)" asked Kenny, pressing a different button. However, that only caused the machine to do things to Randy's unappropriate parts once more.

"KENNY!" yelled both Ally and Ricky, mad at him as sounds of Randy's screams could be heard in the background.

"(What? I couldn't help myself!)"

Later, the trio were forced to fight more aliens in their way, but they did get the same laser guns Ricky had, so blasting their way through wasn't a problem. The real problem was figuring out the correct combination of panels, and they were still amazed that Randy was still alive after all the suffering they accidentally put him through, although his butt looked quite red for a reason.

Soon, they managed to unlock another correct combination of a different panel, and they sighed in relief until Randy spoke up. **"Oh, sorry. That was probably the wrong door. Looks like you'll have to find another door." **

"This is ridiculous!" shouted Ricky, frustrated and losing her patience. "At this rate, we'll never get out of here!"

**"Actually, I can get you out of there, but you need to unlock the panel close to me right here so I can get loose." **

The trio's eyes widen in surprise. "...What?" questioned Ally.

**"Yeah, it's right here, see?" **Randy pointed with his toe a panel control that was the same as they had been using for who knows how long in order to try and free Randy.

"You mean, all this time, there was a panel, and we could have gone back and unlocked you, and you spent all our time trying to open useless doors when you had the real key the whole time?!" exclaimed Ricky angrily.

**"Yeah, but hey! Everything's cool!" **

With nothing to say, Ricky purposely pressed the wrong button on the panel.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!"**

"(Ricky!)" cried out Kenny.

"Oh, come on! You have to agree, he deserved that!"

"Yup."

"(Alright, I'll admit. He deserved that.)"

"**IT HURTS LIKE HELL! MAKE IT STOP!" **

As the trio were heading back and trying to find the cell room Randy was in, they noticed a ladder that lead downwards. "Hey, that wasn't there before," pointed out Ally. "Should we go down?"

"(Yeah. Maybe it leads to a shortcut.)" suggested Kenny.

"Alright, let's go down and check," agreed Ricky before she and her companions climbed down. Down, it almost seemed like a dark engine room, except there was a little bit of steam and almost no pipes around. She picked up a recorder and played it for the three of them to hear.

_"Success! I found something that looks to be food! It's some sort of green, fluroscent goo...I'm-I'm gonna try and eat some...It's not too bad. It's tangy andnutty, would probably go well with...I...Wha-what's happening to me? I..." _Then, the man started speaking nonsense, making the trio confused.

"RRRAAAAAAGHHHH!" Suddenly, some green-skinned hobo leaped from a heap of trash nearby and started running towards them.

"AAAAAHHH!" The trio screamed before shooting their laser guns at the hobo. Although he had several injuries in the chest, he kept rushing at them, forcing them to back up until they were at a corner.

"What do we do?!" cried out Ally, terrified.

"(Shoot the head! Shoot the head!)" advised Kenny. The three of them shot lasers at the head, and the hobo fell down, dead.

"Oh yeah, zombies always get killed by headshots. Even...green-skinned guys," said Ricky. "I'm guessing this is the guy behind the recording."

"Look, let's get out of here before anyone, or anything comes!" said Ally, making both Ricky and Kenny agree. When they arrived back at Randy's cell, he was tired and exhausted, but when he saw the three kids, his expression lit up.

"Great, you made it! Okay, use this panel here and we can all go home."

The three kids walked up to the panel and pressed a few buttons. Surprisingly, they didn't get an error, and the machine that was torturing Randy gave way and broke apart on its own, and Randy's straps were released, freeing him.

"Darn, wanted to see him suffer one last time," muttered Ricky under her breath.

"(You're still holding a grudge on that?)" questioned Kenny, rolling his eyes.

"Oh! Oh! You three did it!" Randy stood up and shoved his pants back up. "Thanks, kids! I don't know who you are or if you're real, but consider me your friend." He walked up to the entrance and turned to the three. "Until we meet again!" He then left the room and the doors closed.

Ricky then realized something. "Wait a minute, I thought he was going to show us how to get out of here!" She, Kenny, and Ally rushed out of the room only to find Randy long gone. "That mother fucker!"

"(I can't believe this!)" complained Kenny.

"Wow, my Mom and Dad were right. Never trust stupid, mustache guys," said Ally, cradling her My Little Pony doll.

"What do we do now? We've got no leads!" said Ricky.

"(Well, we can always go to the main control room.)" suggested Kenny.

"The what?" asked Ally.

"(The main control room. Where the aliens control the ship. If we can take over that area, we can sail back to South Park in peace!)"

"He's right! Let's do this!" agreed Ricky, readying her laser gun. It took awhile, but they found the way to the main control room, and saw lots of screens showing houses and stores of South Park, so they could assume the aliens were spying on them.

However, the instant they went in, two aliens dressed up like cops got out their laser guns and prepared to fight. "What's the plan?" asked Ally.

Ricky aimed her laser gun at them. "Eat lasers, losers!" Just when she pulled the trigger, nothing came out. She kept trying to fire, but nothing happened. "Ah come on!"

Kenny and Ally tried shooting theirs, but they couldn't produce even a single laser. "(What the fuck is this?)"

"Oh no! We must have run out of amno!" cried out Ally. Suddenly, one of the aliens fired at Kenny, instantly killing him through the head.

"Holy shit! Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" shouted Ricky.

* * *

_Meanwhile... _

Kyle was in a deep sleep, tossing and turning when he unconsciously lifted up his fist. "You...bastards..."

* * *

"What now?" asked Ally, too frightened to move.

Ricky glanced at her weapon, then at the aliens, then at the weapon. "...This!" She threw her gun at the alien's face, making it flinch while she ran towards it. She bit it in the leg and it fell over, trying to get Ricky off it as they fought for the available ray gun.

Ally was fully determined after seeing Ricky's plan and charged towards the other alien, tackling its feet thus tackling it to the ground. The four of them started fighting for the ray guns, shooting rays all over the area as they did so.

However, one of the rays hit the main controls, making the spaceship go out of control and forcing the fight to stop as they tried to regain control of the ship. Ricky and Ally were screaming, running around as the spaceship started to go haywire until everything blacked out.

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**Whew! A chapter a day makes the mean doctor go away! There's still time to vote in the love poll fellas! Read and review!**


	7. The Elven Kingdom

**Alright, it's the moment, or rather, the chapter, you've been waiting for! It's time for a little bit of Riyle! Or, Fredyle! Whatever you want to name a pairing!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

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Ricky woke up the next morning, yawning and stretching her arms. She then remembered everything that had happened and pondered on if it was a dream or really reality. "Oh yeah! I have my phone!" She climbed down and got her phone from under her bed before checking her pictures, only to see none of the aliens pictures.

Before she could wonder if what happened last night was real or not, she heard knocks on her door, so she quickly dressed up and went downstairs. Even while she was doing all that, the knocking continued. "I'm coming! Hold on!" shouted Ricky before opening the door.

"AAah! My god!" panted Cartman, rushing into the house, surprising Ricky. "They came outta nowhere! There was this huge earthquake, and then, and then there was burning in my yard!"

"What are you talking about? And this is my house! You can't just barge in!"

"You don't understand! Didn't you hear about it?! It's all over the news! Here, look!" Cartman grabbed the remote from the living room table and turned on the TV to reveal the morning news.

_"...And that a large earthquake and several fires in the South Park area last night woke many residents from their sleep. Here with a report is a midget with a bikini." _

Ricky blinked. "Wait, what?" When the screen changed to a short man wearing a bikini, she groaned. "Ugh! Seriously?!"

_"Tom, government workers here are assuring everyone nothing out of the ordinary has happened. They claim that the only reason huge tents have gone up to cover this area is to mask the construction of a new Taco Bell which will open sometime later this month." _

"Wait a second...isn't...isn't that a spaceship covered by huge blankets?" wondered Ricky, eyeing the weird construction site carefully before the screen changed to the same reporter before.

_"Thanks midget, I do love me some Taco Bell. The mayor of South Park states that last night's tremors and fires are under control and that hopefully schools and businesses can open again soon-" _

Cartman turned off the TV and turned to Ricky. "It's horrible."

"I know, right?"

"No, you don't understand! The elves...they took the Stick!"

"What?!" exclaimed Ricky, angrily. There were more serious matters, and all he cared about was some dumb, useless stick?!

"Yeah, I know! And it's bullshit, because that is totally CHEATING! We specifically said no trying to take the Stick at night! Elves are DIRTY LITTLE LIARS! And we have to lay waste to their entire bases!"

"Dude, there's way more important stuff than that!" shouted Ricky, poking at his chest. "Chaos just happened last night, and all you're worried about was some stick?!"

"Not just any stick! The Stick of Truth," explained Cartman as if it was a sacred thing. "You have some incredible ability to make friends quickly, Lady Whore. I'm sending you on a quest to go out into the lands of Zaron and recruit a whole other faction to Kupa Keep. Find the Goth Kids and give them this letter." He landed Ricky some sort of request sheet. "Get them to join our kingdom and we shall lay waste to the drow elves once and for all!"

Ricky sighed. "Okay, where do I find them?"

"You'll find them at the back of the school! Now, go!" As he walked away, he angrily muttered, "Fuckin' cheaters..."

It didn't take long for Ricky to arrive at the back of the school, and when she did, all she saw were four emo-like kids smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. _'Aren't they a little young for that stuff? And it's just four of them, so what were you thinking, Cartman?' _thought Ricky as she walked towards them.

"...Who's that?" Pete asked.

"I think it's that new kid people are talking about," said Henrietta.

"Beat it, New Kid. This area is strictly for Goth Kids," said Michael dully.

"I came with a message from fatass Cartman," said Ricky, handing the letter to Pete. He read it, then gave it to Henrietta before giving it to Michael.

"What's this? 'Join the Kingdom of Kupa Keep to battle the wicked elves. All recruits welcome.'" Michael started crumpling up the paper before throwing it away. "Sorry, frodo. We don't play Dungeons and Douchebags."

"Yeah, beat it, new kid," said Pete.

"Aw, come on. Let's do it. We never do anything!" protested Firkle.

"No way! We can't do what this kid asks us to do! She's a conformist! Just look at her clothes and hair!" argued Michael.

"Hey, I might not be the girly type, but I think I look fine!" said Ricky, offended by her tomboyish looks.

"Yeah, tell you what, new kid," started Pete. "Get the right clothes and some cigarettes and coffee and then talk to us again."

"Yeah," agreed Michael. "If you wanna prove you aren't a conformist then you need to look exactly like we do. Then MAYBE we'll consider hanging out with you."

"Are you kidding me? The coffee part I can do just fine, but the cigarettes? If my parents find out that I'll be smoking, they'll ground me for life!" complained Ricky.

"Well, that's just too damn bad for you then," said Pete, swaying his hair back.

"...Fine! Let me think about it!" As Ricky left the school, she wondered how she was going to obtain cigarettes without anyone noticing or having suspicion of her. Not only that, but she has to buy some new black clothes those goth kids were wearing.

"(Ricky!)" called out Kenny, rushing towards her while lifting up his dress to run faster.

"Kenny! Are you alright? Do you...remember anything?"

"(Well, I think so. I remember something about a spaceship.)"

"Oh! So it was real!" cried out Ricky. "You, me, and another girl escaped this ship somehow. Anyways, Cartman told me to recruit the Goths, but they told me I needed cigarettes, coffee, and some black clothes."

"(Well, I have some cigarettes.)" Kenny pulled a small box of cigarettes from his dress and handed it to Ricky.

"...Why do you have cigarettes?"

"(Oh, because my parents drink a lot, and they have cigarettes, and I sometimes steal them to use for battle and self-defense against the elves. That, and starting a fire.)"

"Right...all I need is coffee and black clothing."

"(There is always Tweek's shop. How about we go there?)"

"Oh, of course! Yeah, let's go." Kenny followed Ricky towards the coffee shop, which would take a few minutes to head there. Once they did arrive at the entrance, they were soon surrounded by elves.

"Hey, there she is! New kid!" called out one of the elves.

"New Kid, the Elf King has requested your presence. You can either come quietly or you can fight," said another elf.

"How about...NOT!" Ricky charged towards the closest elf and started rapidly punching him in the face until he was knocked down to the ground, severely injured. Then, she pounced on another elf and was banging his head against the concrete ground not too hard, but enough to cause damage.

"The New Kid is resisting! Attack!" The elves rushed forward with their weapons, but stopped to drool at the beauty of Kenny's 'breasts.' As Kenny was jiggling and dancing around to attract their attention, Ricky managed to take out two more guys with her karate skills and wooden dagger.

"We're gonna lose! We have to take action!" cried out an elf. Soon, the number of elves started to overpower Ricky as she tried to take one out one by one. They managed to tackle her to the ground and struggled to tie her hands behind her back.

Kenny tried to help, but he was soon trampled by the amount of elves in the area, and had several footprints on his dead body. "Holy shit! Oh my God! They killed Kenny!' shouted Ricky. "You bastards!"

"I-I think we got her!"

"She's struggling!"

"What do we do?!"

"Almost...got it!"

Just when an elf was cautiously approaching her, Ricky bit his hand as hard as she could, causing him to yelp and pull away. "Ow! She bit me!"

Ricky was struggling to move, but with the elves surrounding her and trying to keep her under control, it was difficult. "MMPH! MMMP!" Then, someone got out their scarf and gagged her so she wouldn't bite back. The elves started escorting her towards the Elven Kingdom.

* * *

_In the Elven Kingdom... _

An elf who was scouting from on top of a tree, squinted his eyes as the newcoming elves that were arriving from the entrance and realized who they brought. He started climbing down the tree as the other elves below gathered around, making room for Ricky and the other elves that captured her.

Kyle, who was waiting for the elves he had sent, sat up straight and examined the New Kid before he became frozen. Instantly, his heart started beating, and a lovestruck smile grew on his face as he sighed. She looked so...cool and beautiful and cute at the same time. Her smooth, somewhat spiky blond hair, and her brown eyes surely pierced through his heart.

"...Dude?" called out Stan.

"Huh? What?" Kyle then remembered the situation and looked serious, but still couldn't help but be attracted to this girl. "So, you're the new kid everyone's talking about. What's your name?"

Once Ricky's gag was removed, she spit at Kyle's face and managed to hit his cheek, causing everyone to gasp. "Frederica, but I perfer Ricky."

_'Frederica...she even has a beautiful name...' _thought Kyle, more lovestruck and not even noticing the spit on his cheek.

"Oh, you think you're hot shit, huh?" said one of the elves, pointing a spear at her.

"Enough!" shouted Kyle, stepping off his throne and walking towards her. Despite her being cute and all, she was still an enemy. "Ricky, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

Kyle jabbed a finger in her chest and said clearly, "You're PLAYING for the WRONG SIDE, dude!" He walked away and folded his hands behind his back. "What did Wizard Fatass tell you? That we broke the rules and took the Stick last night? HE'S LYING."

"Cartman is the one you should be fighting against!" argued Stan. "He's hiding the Stick, which is cheating, and acting all sad and betrayed to get YOU to recruit more people for him!"

"Hang on, I know Cartman's an asshole, I won't argue with that," admitted Ricky. "But what reason would he have for hiding the Stick? We already got it from you guys, so why?"

"Because he's an asshole, and he wants to make sure the elves fall down. HARD," explained Kyle. "So basically, it's his fault, you know. Our mutual, fatass 'friend.'"

"Cartman?" questioned Ricky.

"Yeah! It's his fault you're here!" said Stan.

"Hey, don't blame me! I didn't ask to play this stupid game, you know! Although it is pretty interesting..."

"Of course we don't blame you!" said Kyle. "If anything, I feel sorry you have to serve under that fatass! I know how it feels, being maninpulated and insulted every single day by Wizard Fatass! You see, Ricky..." he turned around to face her. "We're not so-"

"Oh, fuck no! Really?" complained Ricky.

"W-what?"

"Of all the things to say-you-you're really going to try to do it? You're really going to talk about the whole, 'We're not so different, you and I,' speech, are you?"

"What are you saying?" exclaimed Kyle.

"No, no! I know what you're trying to do! You want to gain my trust and mainpulate my point of view by trying some desperate attempt of reasons not to stop you! You know what? Fuck no! I had to face crazy scientists in a poor kid's garage, go to a gun shop, beat up and duct tape a policeman, risk getting grounded by rescuing some kid in detention, had to get the stick back from some inn place, face aliens, watch a poor man get buttsexed by some machine multiple times, and kill a hobo zombie! And you actually THINK, I'm dumb enough to fall for the whole, 'We're not so different, you and I' speech-"

"I wasn't going to say that!" snapped Kyle.

"Oh yeah? Then, what were you going to say?"

"I was going to say...that um...we're not so...uh...well-"

"You were totally going to say it."

"No! I was going to say...that...we're not so far...from being alike-"

"Fuck you."

"Just listen to me for a second! There's Cartman. You hate that fatass, don't you?"

"Well, of course I do! I don't want some fatass who calls me 'Bitch' or 'Whore' to tell me what to do!"

"Right? He's really infuritating and I hate him so much with all my guts!" yelled Kyle.

"Okay, you hate him, I hate him, whadya what?"

"Join the Elves, Ricky! We tracked a Twitter Raven who says you are currently trying to recruit the Goths for the wizard," explained Kyle, untying her. "Go recruit them, but bring them to US. Then we can ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and get the Stick back once and for all."

Ricky thought about it for a second. Sure, Kyle seems nice and ten times better than Cartman, but she did know that the elves attacked innocent kids not involved in the game, like Ally. Plus, there was also a chance to get back on Cartman.

"I'm trusting you to do what's right," said Kyle. "And kid, if you betray us, we'll tell EVERYONE you're a butthole."

Ricky rolled her eyes. "Really? I've handled way worst stuff like that."

Stan walked up to Kyle and said, "Elf King, I suggest we show her an example of us. I say we take her to...there."

Kyle looked a bit startled. "Dude, isn't that a bit...aren't we rushing this a bit too much?"

"If we don't want her tattling on us and want to traumatize her so she can remember the wrath of the elves, I highly recommend we do this."

Kyle nodded. "Alright. Elves! Escort Ricky to...the Raping Chamber!"

"The what?" questioned Ricky as every other elf gasped.

"The Raping Chamber?"

"Oh God, not the Raping Chamber!"

"I feel sorry for her already..."

"Huh?" Ricky was once again being escorted by some elves towards a large tent in the backyard and couldn't believe what she saw. There were a few humans, which were most likely captured, tied to planks and crying out in pain as some other elves were doing stuff to them with feathers and pointing their weapons at the kids.

Just in case, Ricky secretly took pictures of them with her phone before she was tied to a plank and had her shoes and socks removed. "What are you going to do?"

"We're gonna rape you. That's what," said one of the elves as the others pointed their weapons at her so she couldn't escape. Then, one of them took out a feather and started tickling her feet.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" screamed Ricky, struggling and trying to wiggle out of her bounds as she tried to endure the tickling. Whatever they were doing, they were making Ricky suffer and her body was starting to hurt the longer this took. In fact, tears came from her eyes.

Once they were finished, they let Ricky go. She was crying, and no one has ever seen her cry before, but when she did, she perferred to do it alone. When she did cry in public, she felt like an embarrassment, so she ran off after wearing her shoes.

* * *

_Later... _

Annie was just walking down the street and saw Ricky sitting on the sidewalk, crying and hiding her face in her knees. She recognized her as the girl who saved her from those bullies and returned her Justin Bieber doll, so she rushed over. "Are you okay?"

Ricky glanced up and recognized the first girl she befriended. "Annie?" She wiped away her tears and stood up straight. "Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Were you...were you crying?"

"What? No! I was just...laughing! Yeah! About a good joke!"

"...Ricky, it's okay. There's no one else here," assured Annie kindly. "Just tell me what happened."

"...There were these boys in elf costumes, and they were playing some roleplaying game which I'm also playing, and they took me to their leader, and...raped me."

"Oh, it's happened to you too, huh?" gasped Annie, realizing what that meant.

"Wait, what? You mean this happened before too?" questioned Ricky.

"Yeah. Me and some other girls were captured and taken by the elves or humans and into the Raping Chamber."

"Jesus Christ! Even my own team?!" exclaimed Ricky, shocked to hear this.

"Yeah. But are you alright?"

"Yes, but I kinda need coffee and some black clothes because the Goth Kids told me so they can return the favor to me."

"Well, I'll help you get the coffee, and we can go to the mall and into the new Hot Topic to get the clothing," offered Annie.

"Wait, they have a Hot Topic?"

"Yeah. Well, the first one was burned by the Goth Kids, and this one opened like three days ago. But anyways, I'll show you where it is."

* * *

_Later... _

"Thanks Annie! Bye!" called out Ricky, waving to her friend before heading towards the back of the school. She was wearing black pants, a black shirt, a black cap, a black wig, dark makeup, and was holding a cup of coffee and cigarettes in her hands.

When the Goth Kids saw her, their expressions hasn't changed. "Oh joy, it's Butthole the Barbarian from the Dungeons of Dumbass."

"Hey, I went through shit to get this far. The least you could do is not insult me," said Ricky, annoyed.

"You gotta admit, she looks better," admitted Pete.

"Finally!"

"Yeah, she's ALMOST a Goth," said Henrietta.

"Almost?"

"Being goth isn't just how you dress," explained Michael. "It's a frame of mind. It's time for you to prove that you go against society's rules."

"And how am I supposed to do that?"

"There's a big PTA meeting happening right now at the community. You need to walk right into the middle of that meeting and tape this sign to their table." Michael handed a sign to Ricky that said: **FUCK THE CONFORMISTS.**

"Yeah, that will prove your individuality," agreed Pete.

"...You do realize if my parents find out, I will get grounded for this, right?"

"Yeah, we don't care. So, go on. Beat it," said Michael. "And don't come back until you have a picture of that sign taped to the PTA table."

"Oh god damnit," muttered Ricky, walking off with the sign. She stopped and pondered on what Kyle had said. It's true that Cartman was a big douchebag and there was no way she was ever going to be friends with him, and Kyle and the elves seemed nicer than Cartman.

However, they did tickle torture her, and she does not like being tickled, let alone cry in front of people. Plus, if she went for the elves, the nice people in the Humans, like Butters and Token, would be sad. But at the same time, Cartman was getting on her nerves at every second. She knew she had to choose one, but...what if there was another way?

* * *

**I AM FINISHED! Whew! Read and review, and I'm sure you all know what happens in the next chapter!**


	8. Taco Bell

**This is one of my favorite chapters because it's so funny! Especially with the government people and Randy at the end!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

"GODDAMNIT!" yelled Cartman, kicking a rock away. He had recently learned that the elves has captured Ricky, the only girl in the game, and the one in HIS kingdom! "Those damn mother fuckin' elves!"

"Hold on, Eric!" called out Butters, trying to calm him down. "We might be able to retrieve her soon!"

"How?! Our only female member is in the hands of the elves, and all we know, that stupid Jew could be filling her head with lies! Damnit!"

"Then how about this?" suggested Craig. "We'll find the Stick of Truth first, and with the power of the Stick, we can get Ricky back."

"Yes...of course! Everyone! Split into teams! We will find the Stick of Truth no matter what!" ordered Cartman.

* * *

_Meanwhile... _

When Ricky entered the community center, she discovered a large amount of adults inside, sitting in chairs and angrily protesting about something. There were a few more adults in the center of the place sitting by a table, including that Randy guy she bumped into before.

"It isn't right, I tell you!" shouted Gerald, Kyle's Dad. "Out of NOWHERE, this huge Taco Bell is being built, and now our children are missing precious school time!"

A lot of the adults agreed with him as they continued protesting complaints. "Parents," spoke up Principal Victoria. "We've been assured by the builders that they are working to fix whatever problems they've encountered and school should be able to resume soon."

That only caused the adults to become more angry. "RESUME SOON?!" questioned Mr. Scotch. "Who do you think they are?! They think we're gonna see a Taco Bell as more important than our kids educations?!"

As more people shouted in agreement, Randy stood up and said, "What if it's not really a Taco Bell we're dealing with here?" The people glanced at each other with worry and confusion as Randy spotted Ricky walking up to the table. "Thanks for coming, new kid. Everyone, this is the kid whose family just moved into town. We've become really close friends."

"No, we're not!" shouted Ricky, still mad at Randy for abandoning her, Kenny, and Ally when they freed him and he just left without them.

"Well, anyways, this child and I witnessed something last night, and I'd like you to hear her story. Go ahead, kid."

Ricky only glared at Randy with a mad expression on her face. "Dude, I'm not saying anything until you apologize."

"Tell 'em. You know, about that...that stuff," said Randy being specific.

"I said, I'm not saying anything until you apologize!"

"Apologize for what? Kid, this is a serious matter, just tell them what you saw last night!"

"Maybe I will, once you apologize first!"

"Apologize for what?" demanded Randy, losing his patience.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe for ditching me, Kenny, and Ally last night?"

Randy groaned. "You're still going on that? God! It's like your my Dad or something!"

Ricky couldn't believe this. "W-what?! This is the first time I mentioned it to you, R-tard!"

"...I'm not an R-tard."

Mr. Scotch finally grew impatient. "This is a waste of everyone's time! If the PTA isn't going to do something about Taco Bell taking over then the rest of us parents will!" Everyone shouted in agreement and the adults left, except for the ones near the PTA table.

The adults who were left went to clean up the room, or do things with their phones. Ricky rolled her eyes and carried the sign she was assigned to the table, but then Randy went over and snatched it from her. "Hey!"

"Look, I know how you're feeling, ok? But this isn't going to solve anything," said Randy. "We've got to get inside that Taco Bell and find out what's really going on. Help me with that, and I'll help you with this."

"So basically, if I sneak inside Taco Bell, will you take a picture of me holding that sign near the PTA table?" asked Ricky.

"Yes."

"Alright, fine."

After Ricky left the community center, she saw Stan and Jimmy running towards her. "Lady Ricky! We come to your aid!" said Stan.

"Uh...what's going on?" asked Ricky, confused.

"The E-Elf K-king requested that w-w-we help you get the G-goth kids on our side. Therefore, h-he sent us," stuttered Jimmy.

"Oh, okay."

"So, what are you doing? And why are you dressed like a Goth?" asked Stan.

"The Goth Kids gave me some requests. One, I had to dress like this, and two, I had to post some sign at the PTA table and post a picture on my phone. But thanks to some stupid, R-tarted mustache guy, he told me to sneak into the new Taco Bell and get info so he can help me take that picture."

"Wait a second. When you mean, stupid R-tarted mustache guy, do you mean Randy Marsh?"

"Yeah, so?" said Ricky.

"...He's my Dad. My annoying, stupid, Dad."

"Oh...I feel so sorry for you."

Stan sighed. "Yeah, I get that a lot. So, are we going to Taco Bell or not?"

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

_Near Taco Bell... _

"Oh, you have got to be fuckin' kidding me," groaned Ricky, facepalmming after she, Jimmy, and Stan got through the large crowd and saw the huge 'Taco Bell.' Ricky immediantly recognized it as the large spaceship, the same one where the aliens abducted her and was being covered in large blankets. The government guys were staying guard on it.

"Isn't that the same spaceship that abducted you, Jimmy?" questioned Stan.

"T-that's right!"

"Wait a second. You mean, you've been abducted too?" asked Ricky, surprised.

"Y-yeah! And it h-hurted too! you too?"

"Yeah, just last night. I mean, there's a huge spaceship not fully covered! How are these people stupid?"

"It's South Park, Ricky. Stuff like this always happens," explained Stan.

"Folks, there's nothing to be concerned with here," said one government agent. "Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary is going on. We're simply getting ready for the grand opening of the new Taco Bell."

"Oh my God, these guys are stupid," muttered Ricky, making Stan and Jimmy agree with her.

"New Taco Bell opening soon, very big Taco Bell. It's gonna open in a few weeks, thank you."

A man from the crowd raised his hand and called out, "Will this Taco Bell be serving enchiritos?"

"...What?"

"Well, is it going to be a full menu Taco Bell, or is this gonna be one of those Taco Bell/KFC combos?"

The government agent turned around and whispered into his Bluetooth, "We've got a guy here asking a lot of questions."

_"Just stick to the script as laid out in the protocol." _

"But he wants to know if the Taco Bell will be having enchiritos or not, sir!"

_"Damnit, we don't have a contingency for that...Michaels, isolate and neutralize the threat." _

"Look, it's a simple question," continued the man who asked earlier. "If this is gonna be a huge Taco Bell, will it serve enchritos? I think we have a right to know-"

**BANG!** Out of nowhere, a gunshot fired and shot the man in the forehead, causing him to collapse and fall down dead on the ground right next to Stan, Ricky, and Jimmy.

"Holy shit!" cried out Ricky, startled and shocked.

"Oh my God! They killed that guy!" shouted Stan, also in the same state as she is.

"Folks, we know you're all very excited, but for your safety, we ask you stay clear of the construction site," advised the government agent before everyone else but Ricky and her friends left.

"They...they killed that guy," said Ricky, still shell-shocked. "And...and nobody cared...Why?!"

"I-it's South Park. Once you l-lived here long e-enough, you'll u-u-understand," said Jimmy, patting her on the back.

"Hey, is that Kenny?" wondered Stan, pointing to Kenny, who was walking towards the security guards. Whatever he said to them, the guards looked suspicious and glanced at one another.

"Can you guys hear what he's saying?" asked Ricky. Then, one of the guards shot Kenny in the head, killing him. "Holy shit!"

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"Y-y-y-you b-b-bastards..."

Ricky, Jimmy, and Stan huddled together to form a plan. "Okay, how are we going to get past those guards? If we so much get near them, then we could get shot!"

"Well, there's this trick that always work. Even on smart people," suggested Stan. He stood up and shouted, "Oh my God! It's the Batmobile! People, it's the Batmobile! Right next to Taco Bell!"

Immediantly, lots of people, including the security guards, started gathering around Taco Bell, excited to find the Batmobile as the trio slipped through the crowd and made their way into Taco Bell. However, the entrance was locked, and they couldn't find another way inside.

"N-now what?" wondered Jimmy.

Ricky looked up and saw some sort of vent on top of the Taco Bell. "We can get in through a vent, but first, we have to try and find a way up there."

Stan picked up a box and laid it against the wall of the building. "Here. We can climb up using the boxes. But we have to hurry. I think the people are starting to realize there's no Batmobile." With some boxes and other supplies, the trio climbed up towards the top and opened the air vent before carefully climbing down.

"Ow! My hand! Stan!"

"Oh! Sorry, Ricky!"

"M-move along! I can't s-see with your butt in the way."

"HEY!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Stan. For the last time, no."

Finally, the three of them peeked through an air vent and saw a room full of government agents having a meeting. "...But so far, we have been unable to stop the UFO from leaking the toxic waste. We've contained all that we can, but there are no guarantees an outbreak will not occur."

"Hold on, let me record this," whispered Ricky, taking out her phone and pressing the record button.

"And does the alien liquid appear to have the same effect as...last time?' questioned the government agent leader.

"I'm afraid so. When the alien waste reacts with organic material on Earth, it turns things into...Nazi Zombies."

"Nazi Zombies?" wondered Stan.

"I w-w-wonder what's t-that," said Jimmy. The Government Agent Leader pressed a button on his remote, and some zombie-like man with green skin was trapped inside some glass jail, speaking German.

"Wait, that guy looks like that green hobo I defeated last night," muttered Ricky.

"Here we go again," sighed one of the government agents, rolling his eyes.

The Government Agent Leader stood up and walked towards the trapped Nazi Zombie. "God damnit. I'm sick and tired of Nazi Zombies. It's so overused."

"If the wrong person gets their hands on that green toxin, it could totally spread and we have a big problem."

"Alright," decided the Government Agent Leader, walking towards a board which had the entire town drawn all over. "We're going to have to completely obliterate EVERYTHING in a three block radius." He got out a red marker and circled the town. "Fine locations for bombs and bury it all. Then make a fake story about an earthquake. We can contain the outbreak this time IF we act quickly enough. LET'S MOVE!"

"Wait, if they do that, wouldn't that mean the ENTIRE town?" questioned Ricky.

Stan and Jimmy seemed to realize this fact as well. "Oh my God, you're right!" said Stan. "It's a good thing you recorded that! Now, we have the proof we need!"

"E-even if we do, do you r-really think the g-g-government will h-h-help us? I mean, they are b-b-behind the w-whole thing a-after a-all," said Jimmy.

"Oh, you're right. Then, what do we do?"

One of the government agents placed a voice recorder on top of the meeting table and spoke outloud, "Everything we've just talked about has been recorded onto THIS tape. I'm going to leave it alone here for a few minutes, then come back later and have it encypted and locked away so nobody hears what was said in the meeting."

"Yes, good idea," agreed another agent.

"...Well, there is one good thing about stupidity," said Ricky, slightly annoyed. "They were stupid enough to record their own message."

"We should t-take that t-tape recorder j-just in c-case," suggested Jimmy.

"Yeah, Jimmy's right. Then, we can show it to our parents at the PTA meeting," said Stan. "That way-"

**CRASH!** Then, the glass that was holding the Nazi Zombie shattered and he jumped out of it, screaming in rage as he slammed through the metal doors. "Oh my God!" cried out Ricky, surprised. However, the Nazi Zombie didn't notice them and ran out.

"Alright, who's going to get the recorder?" wondered Stan, scared. Both he and Jimmy glanced at each other and shouted at the same time.

"Not it!"

"N-not it!"

Ricky only glared at them, crossing her arms. _'Men. Must I always do everything?' _thought Ricky, rolling her eyes as she opened the air vent door. Once she did, she jumped down and grabbed the recorder as fast as she could. "I got it! Now-"

**BANG! BANG! BANG!** The three kids were startled by the noises and wondered what was going on. Then, Stan and Jimmy gathered the courage to jump down and join Ricky to see what had happened. Outside of the meeting room, there was that Nazi Zombie, ripping off a soldier's head, and thrusting his arm through another soldier's chest.

"JESUS, DUDE!" cried out Stan, shocked. The Nazi Zombie noticed them and started running towards them, causing the three of them to run around the room as the Nazi Zombie tried to catch them.

Finally, Ricky couldn't take it anymore and said, "Stan! Jimmy! You guys escape! I'll handle this guy!"

"W-what?!" exclaimed Jimmy.

"Dude, we can't just leave you here!" said Stan.

"Well, one of us needs to sacrifice themselves! And don't worry, I've faced this type of zombie before! Just go! I'll catch up to you later!"

Stan thought about it for a moment, then charged forward and sliced a Nazi Zombie's arm off before backing away as the Nazi Zombie started spewing out green blood. "No way! We were assigned by King Kyle to aid you and that's what we'll do!"

"What the-?! That was a real sword?" exclaimed Ricky.

"Yeah, don't worry though. I only injure guys."

"Y-yeah! S-screw the dangers, I've got m-m-magical songs of e-e-enchantment!" agreed Jimmy, taking out his instrument. _"There once was a maiden from S-Stonebury Hollow...She didn't talk much but boy did she swallow...S-she had a nice lance that s-she sat upon!~ The maiden from Stonebury who was also your Mom!~" _

Both Stan and Ricky felt refreshed and a bit more confident, but Ricky remembered that song and glared at Jimmy. "You know, if I wasn't on your side, I would have beat you up long ago."

"B-but you already did."

"Oh, yeah. Right. Anyways, we gotta aim for the head! That's the weak spot!"

'O-on it!" As the Nazi Zombie opened his sharp jaws to bite the children, Jimmy pulled out a crossbow and shot an arrow at his head, killing him instantly.

"You had a crossbow all this time?" wondered Ricky, surprised.

"Y-yes. For protection since I am always singing and is very defenceless."

Stan looked up at the air vent they jumped through and saw that they were too short to reach it. "We can't reach it. It's too high. Looks like we'll have to take the long way out."

"Let's just hope we don't run into anymore Nazi Zombies," said Ricky as she walked up to a dead soldier's body and picked up his gun. "We might need this just in case."

Stan sheathed his sword and picked up the other dead soldier's gun. Jimmy looked around and asked, "W-why don't I get a g-gun?"

"Because you already have a crossbow. Me and Stan don't have any long-ranged we-Well, I do, but it's only a slingshot with rubber balls. Anyways, let's get out of here."

However, once they reached outside, they saw a Nazi Zombie walking away, leaving a dead corpse on the ground. "Jesus, one of them already got out!" said Stan. Ricky took aim at the Nazi Zombie and fired, only to hit the Nazi Zombie's shoulder, which didn't seem to show any effect as he turned around and started walking towards the trio.

"Fire away!" shouted Ricky before shooting another bullet. Stan regained his composure and also fired, but both hit his arms. They continued shooting but they keep missing the head until Jimmy got his crossbow and shot at the head, killing the Nazi Zombie.

"Nice one, dude!" said Stan before the trio ran out of the 'Taco Bell,' only to see three more Nazi Zombies eating off two people's flesh corpses. "Oh come on!"

"Don't worry! This is like Resident Evil or The Walking Dead! Just fire at the heads and they're dead!" assured Ricky, taking aim with her gun. Both her and Stan started shooting at the Nazi Zombies, but due to their short statures and the fact that the loaded guns were a bit heavy, they mostly missed, but managed to shoot the arms and legs, but not the heads.

Soon, they ran out of bullets, and Stan cried out, "We're out of bullets!"

"Then we've got no choice!" said Ricky as she and Stan pulled out their weapons while the Nazi Zombies charged at them. Jimmy sighed and took out his crossbow before shooting three arrows, one for each zombie as they fell to the ground.

"...How do you keep doing that? K-keeping perfect aim, I mean?" wondered Stan, stunned.

"I-I guess I'm just lucky I g-guess."

The trio hurried back to the community center and once they got there, they stopped to catch their breaths. Luckily, all of the adults oresent at the PTA table was still there, so they took their time walking up to the table. "Stan? What are you doing here?" asked Randy.

"We...we got some info," panted Stan, before calming down and handing Randy the recorder.

"What's this?" wondered Randy. "It's a recording! There's data on here!"

"Did they say anything?!" asked Mrs. Broflovski.

"What kind of Taco Bell is it going to be?!"

"When are they gonna be finished building it?!"

"For God's sake, just play the damn thing so I can get my picture!" complained Ricky.

"Shhh! Shh!" After Randy managed to calm everyone down, he pressed the PLAY button on the recorder.

_"All right. We're going to have to completely obliterate EVERYTHING in a three block radius." _

"What?!" exclaimed Mr. Garrison. Randy stood up from his seat and walked away a bit, also shocked.

_"Set charges underground to blow up the area and bury it all. Then make a fake story about an earthquake." _

After Randy turned off the recorder, Principal Victoria asked, "They're gonna...just blow up three blocks?"

"That would also mean the entire town, meaning the end of all of us!" added Ricky.

"You sons of bitches..." muttered Randy before he went on an outrage. "YOU SONS OF BITCHES!"

Jimmy, Stan, and Ricky were startled to hear Randy say that, because they have never seen Randy lose his cool like this before. At least, not Jimmy or Ricky since Randy is Stan's father. "S-so you'll do something a-about it, r-right?" asked Jimmy.

"What gives them the right?!" demanded Mr. Garrison.

"I KNEW there was more to this," said Randy. "It's not a simple Taco Bell we're dealing with...It's the most massive Taco Bell ever BUILT."

"Oh my God," groaned Ricky, facepalmming.

"Dad! That's not it! You're completely missing the point!" argued Stan, also annoyed.

"No, wait, listen!" protested Randy. "You see, ever since the whole Doritos Locos Tacos thing, Taco Bell thinks they can do whatever they want."

"No," said Stan.

"And now, they plan on blowing up three blocks just so they can establish the biggest Taco Bell ever!"

"No."

"And thanks to that, we might lose our town thanks to Taco Bell!"

"No!"

"Well, not here! Not in our town!" said Principal Victoria.

"It's not Taco Bell, you morons!" shouted Ricky. "It's really Nazi Zombies!"

"...Nazi Zombies? That's pretty stupid," said Mr. Garrison.

"Don't worry, Ricky. All adults are like that. Even my Dad," sighed Stan.

Randy picked up the sign from earlier and handed it to Ricky. "You kids done well. We're not going to let Taco Bell win. I'll take that picture you wanted now of you with the PTA."

The picture which was sent to Ricky was a picture of her, Stan, Jimmy, and the other members at the PTA table. Ricky looked annoyed and was holding the sign: **FUCK THE CONFORMISTS.** Meanwhile, Stan and Jimmy looked annoyed due to the adults' stupidity.

After they left the community center, Stan turned to Ricky and said, "Me and sir Jimmy must go back to the kingdom, for we have other duties to take care of. Once you are finished recruiting the Goth Kids, come to us."

Afterwards, Ricky returned alone to the Goth Kids and showed them the picture, much to their surprise. "Whoa, she did it," said Pete.

"Nice," admitted Henrietta.

"Yeah, but she's still not Goth. She'll have to pass the final test," said Michael, annoying Ricky even further. "You may look Goth, but can you DANCE Goth?"

"Hold on. Give me a second," said Ricky, taking out her phone, typing to YouTube, and watching a video on how to dance Goth while keeping the volume at mute. All she had to do was just tap dance a little while drinking coffee and smoke a bit. So, when the music started, she did exactly as the instructions told her to do, which impressed the Goth Kids.

"What'd you think?" whispered Pete to his friends.

"She's pretty Goth."

"She's pretty Goth, right?"

"Yeah, that was pretty good."

"I felt her pain."

"So, did I pass or what?" asked Ricky.

"All right, New Kid. You've officially proven yourself," admitted Pete.

"Yeah, just tell us where you'll need us and we'll be there," said Michael.

"Finally!" said Ricky as she was leaving. She glanced down at her black clothes and said, "Now to change back to my clothes..."

* * *

**Alright! You ready for the final battle? Well, not exactly, but you know what I mean! But, I decided to put in a little...extra in the next chapter, so the next chapter isn't going to be the final battle, but something different! Read and review!**


	9. Formation of the Starfires

**You guys are wondering from the description of my story, why isn't the Starfires coming out? Well, they're coming out now! **

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs!**

* * *

Once Ricky changed her Goth clothes into her regular thief clothes, she sighed and wandered around town. Now that she's recruited the Goth kids, she knew she had to return to the humans and tell them about her success.

Then again, what if...what if she betrayed Cartman and went to the elves. They seemed nice, especially that Kyle character, but she also knew they harmed innocent kids who weren't even playing the game. And Kyle, the ruler of the elves, knew about it and didn't do a thing.

As Ricky wondered what to do, she spotted a young girl with red hair clutching her injured arm, which had a bleeding scratch on it, and she was crying. Ricky remembered her name was Rebecca and ran towards her. "Hey! Are you okay?!"

"N-no...look, can you take me to the Girls? They'll take care of me," sobbed Rebecca. "I'll tell you where they are."

Following the coordinates, Rebecca and Ricky went to the Girls' secret meeting spot, where the girls were currently holding a meeting when they saw Rebecca and Ricky. Immediantly, they went to a panic and some of them rushed towards Rebecca.

"Oh my gosh, are you alright?!"

"You're bleeding all over!"

"Who did this to you?!"

"Guys, give her space!" shouted Ricky as one of the girls was bandaging Rebecca's arm.

"Thanks...I think I'll be alright," said Rebecca. "As for the arm, some boys dressed like elves did this to me."

This raised angry protests from the girls as they started shouting all over. "Them again?!"

"This is like the 10th time!"

"I can't believe this!"

"Goddamn boys!"

"Enough! Enough, everyone!" yelled Wendy, slamming her mallet over and over. "Clearly, we need to make a solution to the boys stupid game, all in favor? Sparkle, sparkle."

"Sunshine!" everyone cheered in agreement, finally fed up with the boys.

"What's going on?" asked Ricky, confused.

Wendy announced, "Since Ricky is new to all of this, I'll make the details as short and quick as possible. You see, ever since the boys started their stupid game about Dungeons and Dragons and protecting some stick, some of them thought that we were part of the enemy and attacked us countless times. We got lots of injuries and we have had it!"

"Yeah!"

"That's right!"

"Down with the boys!"

"Boo!"

"However, we don't know how to deal with the boys, but since you're the only female member in that game, we thought you might know a solution."

Then, Ricky got the best idea ever. Why didn't she think of it before? She spoke up and requested, "I have an idea! In the game, there are two kingdoms, the Elves, and the Humans. Kyle leads the Elves, and a fatso named Cartman leads the Humans."

"Ew!"

"Cartman?"

"I knew he was behind this!"

"That fatass!"

Ricky seemed surprised. "You know them?"

"Well, Kyle is my boyfriend's best friend," explained Wendy. "As for Cartman, he is the most annoying, sadistic, little piece of crap ever to walk upon this world!"

"Finally, someone who agrees with me!" agreed Ricky. "Anyways, the two kingdoms are enemies, so I was thinking...maybe there might be a third kingdom!"

"A third?" asked Bebe.

"Yeah! We can create the third kingdom! We've got a lot of girls, and that should be enough to form a kingdom!"

"I dunno..." muttered a girl named Heidi.

"Oh come on! It'll be fun!" said Rebecca. "Besides, this'll be the perfect chance for vengeance and we can avange the other girls who were beaten badly!"

"Yeah!" everyone cheered.

"But what if the boys beat us up anyways?" asked Lisa. "Then what?"

"Actually, one time, I was beaten by some boys, so I told their Moms, and the next time they saw me, they got scared of me and ran off at the sight of me!" revealed a girl.

"But we have no fighting experience!"

"I can teach you! Did you know I'm a black belt?" said Ricky.

"Okay, let's say we form this kingdom," started Wendy. "But we need more information about this game."

Therefore, Ricky explained all of the rules of the game to the girls, including the Stick of Truth, more secrets of the Kingdoms, the classes, and finally, about the Raping Chamber. At first, the girls didn't believe her, but when Ricky presented proof by showing them the pictures she secretly took, they believed her, and it increased their vengeance against the boys.

"Alright, anyone who wants to object to having a secret third kingdom, come forth now," called Wendy. Nobody moved or said anything. "Alright, the establishment of the third kingdom will commence! Sparkle sparkle!"

"Sunshine!"

"Wait!" called out Annie. "We need a kingdom name! We can't just go on nameless!"

The girls started chatting, knowing full well that Annie was correct. Ricky spoke up and said, "Alright, then let's hear some girl names! But I should warn you, that if our name is too girly, the boys will think we're sissies and just damsels in distress! Trust me, I've seen shows like that where the boys think the girls are powerless!"

That got the girls to reconsider their ideas as they thought carefully. One girl raised her hand and suggested, "How about...The Glittering Fighters?"

"A good choice, but glittering kinda gives it away," said Ricky.

"Pink Fires!"

"No, the Wonderous Women!"

"No, the Beautiful Beauties!"

"Girls, girls! Please!" said Wendy, quieting down the crowd. "We all have to make one decision, and Ricky is right. We have to choose a cool name, and not too much as a girly name."

"How about the Amazons?" suggested Ricky. "Doesn't really sound girly, and the Amazons are warrior women who are under the command of Wonder Woman."

"Yeah, but the rest of us don't think it's really good enough. And it's not even a little girly," said Bebe, making the other girls murmur in agreement with her.

"What about...I know! Starfire!" said Wendy. "We can call ourselves, the Starfires!"

"You mean like from Teen Titan?" asked Ricky, surprised.

"Yeah! My favorite character is Starfire, and she's so kind and nice and good-looking!" agreed Bebe.

"Yeah! And I love her powers too!" said Heidi.

"I think Beast Boy's pretty cute, but Starfire is the best!" said Rebecca.

"Then it's all decided? Everyone votes for the Starfires?" asked Wendy. "If so, sparkle sparkle."

"SUNSHINE!" everyone cheered in agreement.

"I also think we should nominate Ricky as the leader of the Starfires."

"Wait, why me?" asked Ricky. "It seems like you're the leader of the girls."

"Yes, but since you have more knowledge of the game and most likely to beat up more boys, we think you should you should be the leader," explained Wendy. "Anyone agree?"

"Yes!" all the girls said in unison.

"Oh, but I still get to be the leader of the girls, not the game."

Ricky nodded. "Okay. But I don't want to be called 'Queen.' I want to be called Empress! Or at the very least, leader."

"Very well."

"Alright, in order for the Starfires to work, we need weapons, armor, and more people to join. Are there other girls that might be willing to join us?" asked Ricky, strategizing the plan.

"Well, I know a lot of girls,' spoke up a girl. "And they know the Raisin girls, so they might help us, for the fair price."

"Who are the Raisins?"

"Oh, they're just these girls who work in a restaurant called 'Raisins,' and lots of boys harrass them ever since the game started," explained Annie.

"Wait a minute," called Nicole. "My boyfriend, Token, is playing in the game. I don't want to fight him."

"Then you can avoid him when you encounter him or fight other boys. Or, you don't have to play with the Starfires if you don't want to," reasoned Ricky.

"Nicole, remember when those elves took that teddy bear Token gave you? Don't you want that back?" asked a girl.

Nicole pondered for a moment before looking serious. "You're right. Alright, I'll do it."

"Sweet." Ricky pulled out her phone and started texting something. "Now, all we need are the Goth kids and our recruiting is complete."

"Wait, wait wait. You recruited the goth kids?" asked one girl. "Why would you do that?"

"It's a long story. But the point is, they'll be on our side once they get my message."

"Wait, we didn't agree to have boys over," spoke up another girl. "We'll fight boys, but we can't fight _with_ boys!"

"Oh come on! That Firkle kid looks pretty cute!" argued a girl.

"He creeps me out!"

"What about that Henrietta girl? She gives me the creeps!"

"At least the other two emo boys aren't as energetic as the other boys!"

"Guys! Guys!" called Ricky. "In order to fight tougher boys that we can't defeat, we have to have boys to fight other boys. Like, men vs men! Haven't you thought of leaving the tough work to boys?"

The girls glanced at one another before murmuring. "Yeah, she's right."

"If it's just a few boys, then it'll be alright."

"As long as that Henrietta girl stays away from me, I'll be fine."

"Looks like we do need a few boys."

"It seems the girls have agreed to your request, Ricky," spoke Wendy. "What now?"

"Next, we'll have to do titles and commanders and all that other stuff. Wendy, from this day forward, since you are the leader of the girls, I herby announce you as Wendy, Warrior Princess!"

"Hmm...Warrior Princess...I love it!" squealed Wendy.

"Hey! What about us!" called Bebe, raising her hand.

"And me!"

"Why don't we get names too?"

"I wanna title!"

"Alright! Alright! Each of you will get a title!" announced Ricky, trying to calm down the crowd. "Jeez, this is harder than I thought! Next, we'll recruit the other girls and get the Goth Kids, and then we go shopping for armor and weapons, and I know just the places..."

(All of the girls, and Goth kids, that were part of the Starfires starts to enter the mall in slow motion. Then, they started running into clothing shops or weapons stores and as fast as they could, picking out armor and weapons.)

_Live to win, till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes _(Ricky and a few other girls pick out their armor and weapons while other girls in other shops do the same thing.)

_Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting until you fall _(Wendy and some girls appeared out of the dressing rooms, wearing full armor and weapons as they yelled a victorious battle cry before paying for the stuff)

_Day by day, kickin' all the way, I'm not cavin' in _(Ricky began teaching the girls how to do some quick-to-learn martial arts moves except for the Goth Kids who were texting and listening in their IPhones.)

_Let another round begin, live to win!_ (Some girls beat down some dummies that were dressed up like boys.)

_Yeah, live, yeah, win!_ (Soon, the Starfires cleared the whole playground and defeated all of the dummies dressed up like boys, which were all torn to pieces.)

"We're doing it! We're getting stronger!" cheered Bebe.

"Not yet! The real challenge will come soon!" warned Ricky, making the other girls cheer for their small victory for now.

_Live to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes _(Now, the girls are in a tent, strategizing a plan as they placed a map of South Park on a table.)

_Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting 'till you fall _(Everyone continues practicing their fighting, even the Goth Kids, which they weren't doing a good job at it)

_Day by day, kickin' all the way, I'm not cavin' in_ (A girl bows to Ricky, who bows back, then the girl jumps up and kicks a dummy's head off, making the girl astonished.)

_Let another round begin, live to win!_ (More girls slash off dummies' heads or stab through them countless times.)

_Yeah, live, yeah, win!_

"Nice work, everyone!" called out Ricky once every member of the Starfires were in the Raisins, being served food. "But, there are some bad news I must tell you..."

After saying that, Ricky started explaining to everyone about how aliens kidnapped her one night and took her to a spaceship. The next day, she found out that Taco Bell was really the spaceship that crashed before and that the government plans to blow up the town with bombs very soon. Also, there was a mysterious green goo that turned people into Nazi Zombies and that the only way to kill them is the head, like what zombies do. As proof, she presented the recorder and everyone listened to it. Afterwards, everyone believed her.

"What do we do?" wondered Bebe.

"Nothing for now. When we get more information on this stuff, we'll have to act quickly to prevent this," replied Ricky.

"Why can't we just tell the police about this?" wondered one of the girls.

"Because even if we do, the government is much more powerful! We'll have to defeat them in a small, but effective way as soon as possible!"

"Everyone! I found out from Twitter that the Stick of Truth is in the school, in Kyle's desk!" spoke up Annie, typing in her phone. "Also, the Humans and Elves are inside, fighting for the Stick!"

"Then, let's hurry and go there right now! They won't expect a third kingdom to invade, especially girls! And Goth kids!" announced Ricky. "Is everyone ready?!"

"HUZZAH!" everyone cheered before running towards the school.

* * *

**Ha, you weren't expecting that, were you? The song during the Starfires preparing for war was Live to Win, from the episode, Make Love, not Warcraft. I love that song, so I thought it should fit in this so the girls would prepare and take vengeance. **


	10. Invasion

**Hey guys! Sorry, but I'm going on a short vacation, but I will be back soon! Prepare for some buttkicking in this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park series, only the OCs! **

* * *

The Starfires stood in front of the school, which was being raided by the Humans and Elves, who were too busy to notice them. Ricky turned to face her army and shouted, "Alright, screw the fight speech! Are you ready?! For honor!"

"For shopping!" one of the girls shouted.

"For vengenace!"

"For revenge!"

"For everything!"

"I feel like such a homo sapien right now," muttered Michael.

"Blow our war horn, Annie the Fantastic!" commanded Ricky.

"Okay!" Annie pulled out a horn that was sparkled in pink glitters and blew a tune.

"Everyone, into the front! Goth Kids, Wendy the Warrior Princess, Bebe the Beauty, and Rebecca the Ruthful! Come with me to the back! CHARGE!"

Afterwards, everyone charged and obeyed their commands. The Humans, who were still trying to fight against the Elves who were blocking their entrance inside, stopped and saw a large horde of girls towards their way. "What the hell?"

Before they could question anything more, they were soon overrunned by the large amount of girls and many boys were defeated. A few were lucky to escape. The girls took satisfaction beating up the boys and in two minutes, some of the hallways were conquered by the girls.

Ricky was leading her group into the back and managed to sneak inside the school, where a lot of 'dead' Elves and Humans laid on the ground. Ricky had upgraded her clothing and weapons, making her wear dark blue clothing with a dark cloak, brown boots, and a brown headband with fake jewels on it, indicating it was a crown. As for her weapons, she kept her wooden dagger just in case, bought a couple of throwing knives, and even got her own crossbow.

The Goth Kids didn't wear much armors, but they did have some weapons. As for Wendy, she still kept her pink hat, but had pink armor on, a pink flower shield, and a sword.

Bebe wore a green hairband, wore a red tunic, a purple cape, and was wielding a spear for combat. Rebecca wore no helmet or hairband, but had dark armor on along with purple gloves and a sword and shield.

"King fatass and Kyle are here somewhere!" said Ricky, examining around only to spot more Elves and Humans were still fighting, but there were a few of them active right now. "Attack!"

Ricky's group charged at the other two sides, forcing them to stop and be surprised by the unexpected group. "Hey, is that your group?" asked an Elf.

"I thought they were yours!" said a Human. Then, in a matter of seconds, they were tackled and beaten to the ground by Rebecca and Wendy. "Oww..."

Ricky brought her daggers down at a long bladed Elf wielder, who had absolutely no idea what was going on. Ricky began striking at all directions at rapid speed, soon taking down the blade wielder and tiring him out. She kicked him in the stomach and proceeded to fight another Human or Elf.

Despite not having any real life fighting experience, the Goth Kids were surprisingly good at fighting, especially Firkle, who used his small size and speed to gang up on a single, big-boned Human. Pete used a hockey stick to slam the enemies' legs and feet so hard, they would fall to the ground with ease. Michael wielded a baseball bat and didn't do anything but text in his phone unless an enemy came by. Henrietta had just finished off a Human, and one of the enemies decided to fight back, despite the odds in battle, but backed away as soon as Henrietta threatened to use a flamethrower on him. How she got that, nobody knew.

Bebe finished off most of the enemy by swinging her spear around, hitting the boys with the spear in different areas, especially the part between the legs where they're most vulnerable. They were just lucky that Bebe never used the spear point...at least, not yet.

"This hallway is cleared! Let's go!" ordered Ricky as she ran forward. The others followed her after, cheering over their victory except for the goth kids. Eventually, they arrived in the basement, where there might be Elves or Humans in hiding.

"Wait, what's that?" asked Michael, pointing to a hallway monitor, who was on the ground and winching in pain with a paled look on his face.

"Help...please..." moaned the ginger kid.

"What should we do?" wondered Wendy.

"Obvious! We have to tear this kid apart!" said Bebe, getting out her weapon.

"No, wait!" said Ricky. "First of all, I know the hallway monitors aren't part of this game! Even if he's a boy, he looks badly injured! Let's see what he has to say."

"Wait, I recognize that guy! He's Gary Nelson!' pointed out Rebecca.

"Be careful! He can still bust us for not having hall passes!" warned Bebe as Ricky helped him lean against the wall.

"Bebe, we're not in school hours! Besides, you really think this kind of situation needs hall passes?" questioned Ricky before turning to the ginger kid. "What happened?"

"We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty," coughed the ginger boy. "We didn't know school had been cancelled. We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo. It was everywhere. It...changed the other hallway monitors."

Ricky knew what that meant and groaned. "Oh no! Please tell me you didn't drink it!"

"Yes...we wanted to see what it was, but it was a bad mistake!"

"Well, it kinda serves you right for being a pansy ass hallway monitor in the first place," said Bebe.

"Bebe!" scolded Ricky as the ginger boy stood up slowly and started walking away, sounds of his bones cracking were heard.

"Something in the goo...it...IT..." Then, the ginger boy turned around, his skin completely green, and he spoke angrily in German.

"AAAAAH! Somehow that green goo makes hallway monitors even lamer!" screamed Rebecca as she ran off.

"What is he?" wondered Wendy, scared.

"He's a Nazi Zombie now! He drank that green goo which turned him into this!" said Ricky, taking out her crossbow. "And now, we have no choice but to kill him. I wish there was-"

**BANG!** Everyone jumped in surprise and saw the Nazi Zombie dead with a bullet in his head. They all turned to Bebe, who was holding a handgun.

"Served you right for giving me a detention slip, bitch."

"...Whoa," said Pete.

"...I don't...I don't know where you got the gun, and I don't wanna know," said Ricky, shaking her head. "There might be more Nazi Zombies, so we have to be careful."

"Oh, that's easy," replied Bebe, smirking. "I can handle them with ease. Especially what they did to me."

* * *

_In another hallway... _

"Take that, drow elf!"

"I won't lose to you, Human!"

"Ha! Almost got you!"

"Take-" Before more of the Elves and Humans could fight anymore, a group of five girls arrived in the battlefield, wielding weapons and armor. The leader of the temporary group was Lola the Accessory Mistress. Lola happened to tie her long brown hair into a ponytail with a pink hairband holding it up, grey armor with a breastplate in the middle, a green skirt, and she wielded an axe and shield.

One of the Humans laughed and walked towards Lola. "Oh? Girls playing? Nice try! Why don't you run home to your Mommies and play d-"

Before the Human could finish, Lola angrily kicked him right between the legs and finished him off by hitting him with the back of her axe, knocking him out. "Death to all that oppose us!"

"HUZZAH!" The other four girls roared before charging towards the stunned and shocked Elves and Humans. A blond haired girl managed to tackle an Elf and punched him several times, giving him bruises on the face. Another girl tripped a few Humans with her long lance and began hitting them with it, causing them to grunt and groan in pain. The other girls used their martial arts techniques they were taught by their Empress against the boys, who had no experience in martial arts.

Lola tackled the last Elf to the ground and pinned him there with her axe. "Surrender your men, ugly!"

"Have you girls lost your minds?!"

"SURRENDER YOUR MEN, DAMNIT!"

"Alright! Alright! We surrender!" After hearing the Elf say that, the remaining Elves and even the Humans still conscious, raised their arms and dropped their weapons, surrendering under the wrath of the girls.

"We did it! We did it!" The girls cheered.

* * *

_Another part of the hallways... _

Milly the Fantastic Nancy Drew and her group of girls had just finished off a small group of Humans and were heading towards another hallway, which was filled of Humans fighting off the Elves. Milly, the leader of the group, wore a wizard's hat with a pink ribbon, some green robes, and a staff to complete her transformation.

"YAAAAAAAAAA!" The girls yelled, charging towards the boys. Their own battle cries were louder than the boys, making them all stop and turn to see some girls charging at them.

"Get them!"

"Stain the walls with their blood!"

"Uh...what are they doing?" one of them wondered. His question was answered when the girls started attacking them, taking them down one by one with ease and making the boys panic and lose their cool as they were being beaten by girls.

"Aaah! We're being attacked by girls!"

"This can't be hap-GAH!"

"Wait, is that a Raisin girl? Oh, hey-AAH!"

Princess Kenny happened to be wandering around when suddenly, one of the girls fired an arrow from her bow, hitting Kenny and making him stick to the wall as blood oozed from his head.

"Oh my God! They killed Princess Kenny!" one of the Elves pointed out.

"You bas-oh wait. I can't say that. My Mom will ground me," said an Human before both he and the Elf were taken down.

"Dude, what do we do?!" exclaimed a Human, panicking to his other friend.

"Run for your life, man!" As the two of them ran, they were confronted by two girls, who tackled them to the ground and farted on their faces, causing them to scream. Girls weren't supposed to fart on boys' faces, and if they did, well it was bad.

"We conquered this area!" announced Milly. "Let's go to the next one!"

"HUZZAH!"

* * *

_A bit later... _

"Take this, Butters the Merciful!" shouted Stan, clashing blades with his rival, Butters the Merciful. Both were equally skilled in battle and in skills, and now, even though there were no other Elves or Humans besides them, this battle was going to determine who was the best.

"So, we meet again, sir Stan! Let this battle determine who is the strongest out of the two of us!" said Butters, wielding his hammer before swinging it at Stan, who blocked it with his long blade. Both continued to fight each other when the doors slammed open, revealing Ricky and her group.

Butters and Stan paused their fight to stare at the group, surprised. "Wendy?!" exclaimed Stan, unable to comprehend the fact that his girlfriend was involved in this fight.

"Hi Stan!" cheered Wendy before her happy look turned into a sinister one. _"Bye Stan!~" _

"Charge! Show no mercy!" yelled Ricky. Both Butters and Stan were forced to take a defensive position and fend for themselves as Ricky and her group charged to fight the two warriors.

"Holy shit, dude!" cried out Stan, knocking back Michael. "Wendy! What's going on?!" He had to block a blow from Firkle and Pete.

"Step aside!" ordered Wendy, causing the Goth Kids to back away from Stan. "Sorry, Stan. This is payback for ripping my new dress that one time!"

"It was just last week! It was an accident! And I'm sorry!"

"You should have said that! You could have stopped running for a second and apologized!"

"I was chasing a Human! I didn't know you were going to be in the way!"

That caused Wendy to become angry, but she calmed down for a second. "Alright. If you're really sorry, then come here so I can give you a kiss on the peck."

"Okay." Stan walked over to Wendy and pressed his cheek forward. Unexpectedly, Wendy slapped him so hard, he fell to the ground with a large red mark and groaned in pain. She then kicked him in the stomach before planting a kiss on his cheek.

"There. Now you're forgiven."

Meanwhile, Bebe, Rebecca, and Ricky were ganging up on Butters, who was screaming and trying to defend with his hammer, not sure what was going on. "Take this! You and the other boys can go straight to Hell!" yelled Bebe, slamming her spear against the hammer.

"This is for ruining my favorite hairband you sons of bitches!" cried out Rebecca, striking with her weapon.

While Butters was defending, he got out a radio and pressed a button. "Grand Wizard! Grand Wizard! I'm-I'm being attacked!"

Cartman's voice went through the radio. _"Butters, I'm sure you can handle a couple of Elves." _

Ricky realized he had a radio and said, "He's got a radio! He's trying to call for backup! Destroy it!"

"You don't understand, Eric! They-" Ricky threw a throwing knife at the radio, making it stick to the wall and thus deactivating it. "WAAH!"

"Sorry for this, Butters. No offense," apologized Ricky before throwing a punch at Butters so strong, it knocked him out. "This area is cleared! Let's move!"

Wendy, who had just finished beating up her boyfriend, said, "Yes, ma'am! Sorry, Stan. We're still boyfriend and girlfriend."

After watching Wendy beat up Stan, Pete said, "Whoa. That was pretty cool."

"Yeah, that was pretty cool," agreed Michael.

"Totally," said Henrietta.

"Awesome," said Firkle.

* * *

_Later, in the fourth grade class... _

Kyle and his own group of Elves entered the fourth grade classroom, where Cartman, Token, and Tweek were located, trying to find the Stick of Truth. "Back away from the desk, Wizard fatass!" shouted Kyle.

"The Stick doesn't belong to stupid Jews like you, Kyle!" shouted back Cartman.

"That's it! You're going down, one way or another!"

"Oh, you wanna throw down, brah? Bring it on! Let this be our final battle!" Cartman readied his staff and hat before taking a fighting position, while Kyle did the same.

Before they could charge at each other, an injured Elf and Human came rushing in, despite them being enemies. "My lord! My lord!" The Elf cried out.

"Goddamnit, what is it now?!" demanded Cartman. "What could be so goddamn important that you had to interrupt the final, epic battle between Elf and Human?!"

"It's-it's terrible! We were all fighting each other, when suddenly, a third kingdom came!" explained the Human.

"...What?" asked Kyle.

"It's true!" agreed the Elf. "And more news, they're GIRLS!"

"Girls?"

"Wait a second, the only girl in this game is Lady Whore!" said Cartman, turning to the two. "You must be mista-"

"Don't call her that, fatass!" interrupted Kyle angrily. "Her name's Frederica, or Ricky for short! Not Lady Whore!"

"Nuh uh! She belongs to my kingdom, Kyle! And since I rule over her, I get to name her!"

"No you don't, fatass!"

"That's the thing, my lord!" said the Elf. "You see, the leader-GAH!" Both he and the other Human were knocked down by Rebecca and Bebe, who entered the room afterwards. Then, Ricky entered in the center, and soon, Wendy and the Goth Kids also entered.

Kyle and Cartman were surprised to see them. "Ricky?" wondered Kyle, breaking the silence.

"That's EMPRESS Ricky to you, ugly!" shouted Rebecca.

"Oh sweet! You got the Goth Kids!" cheered Cartman. "Now, Lady Whore, go finish off Kyle, and you shall be rewarded!"

"Oh no! The Goth Kids are on my side! Isn't that right, Ricky?" asked Kyle.

"No, they belong to my kingdom!"

"No, mine!"

"Mine!"

"MINE!"

While the two of them were arguing, Ricky sighed and turned to her group. "You might want to cover your ears on this one." Once everyone put on their earplugs, Ricky went towards the chalkboard, pulled out her dagger, and started making scratches on the chalkboard, making squeaky sounds that forced everyone else besides the Starfires to cover their ears.

"Oh God! My ears!"

"Ow!"

"It hurts!"

Afterwards, Ricky said, "The Goth Kids belong to ME. As in, I have formed a new and improved kingdom which resists both the Humans, and the Elves. We call ourselves...the Starfires."

"You mean like from Teen Titan?" asked Kyle.

Cartman started laughing. "Yeah, how original of you, Lady Whore. Now just hand over the Go-"

Before Cartman could finish, Ricky kneeled him in the gut so hard, he fell to his knees, grunting in pain. "And that's another thing! My name is not 'Lady Whore!' It's Ricky! Empress Ricky to be exact! Express Ricky, Queen of Stealth!"

"Wow...she's more amazing when she's kicking fatass's butt..." sighed Kyle, completely head over heels with her. Then, he remembered what position he was in and snapped out of it. "And what is of this third kingdom?"

"It's full of girls," explained Ricky. "With a few exceptions. We vow vengeance against all the boys that have constantly beat us up before we even joined the game, and we're doing it now! And for my next victim, Wizard Fatass is next!"

"'Ey!" shouted Cartman, getting up. "Don't call me fat-"

"I'm calling you fat because it's true, fatass!"

"That is no way to address to your king, goddamnit!"

"What king? I don't serve you anymore, thus that means I can call you anything I want!"

"Goddamnit, there is no third kingdom! Now come to my side once more so that I may forgive you for your absence, peasant!" yelled Cartman.

"Okay, let me make myself clear, fatass," said Ricky, trying to stay as calm as possible. "You're a loser. I don't mean that as a compliment, I mean that as an insult to your fat, plump face. Kyle, you're a king who's way nicer than fatass, but can't control your men when they torture their victims just for information."

"Um..."

"Cartman, you're a giant thorn in everyone's side and constantly annoys them, especially me. You'll probably end up in jail in a few years because you have no life."

"Well, you don't have to be so rude about it, Lady Who-"

"AND MY NAME IS RICKY," spoke Ricky angrily and slowly. "And one more thing, fatass. You are the single, most worthless, selfish human being I've ever met. Congrats."

Cartman was growing more and more angry with each word she said. "Why you mother f-"

"Say anything more, and I swear to God I will eat your fingers off." Ricky got into a fighting stance and faced Cartman.

"Yeah! Get him, Empress!" cheered Wendy.

"Knock his socks off!" shouted Bebe.

"Can you leave a piece of him for me?" requested Rebecca.

"Yeah! Get him!" cheered Kyle.

"You're next after him, Kyle!" said Ricky.

"What'd I do?!"

"Remember the raping part?"

"...Oh yeah."

"Oh, you mother fucker! I knew you were a whore!" shouted Cartman before foolishly charging forward. Once he got close enough, Ricky punched him straight in the face, knocking him down on the ground as everyone watched.

"Ha! I've been waiting far too long to do this!" said Ricky before kicking him in the stomach, hard. She continued kicking him over and over with her full on rage until Cartman managed to grab her leg and bring her down. Before he could get up, Ricky bit his arm as deep as she could.

"AAAAAAHHH! MY ARM! STUPID BITCH! GET OFF OF ME!" screamed Cartman, whacking her on the head with his staff. Ricky refused to let go and punched Cartman in the stomach as both were struggling.

"Yeah! Rip his arm off!" cheered Bebe. Cartman feared for that and farted so hard, it filled the entire room in a matter of seconds, causing Ricky to pull back and cover her nose.

"Ugh! Gross!" said Rebecca, covering her nose. One of the elves opened the window, causing some of the nasty stench to leave.

"Goddamnit, you are disgusting, Fatass!" cried out Ricky before she started punching him repeatedly in all directions. Cartman was forced to defend with his staff, but several of the punches got through and mostly hit his face. She then kicked him straight between the legs, causing him to fall to the ground.

"OOHHHH!" everyone cried out, winching in pain.

Cartman was laying on the ground and realized the position Ricky was in. "Oh no, not there!" Cartman quickly covered his private parts with his hands, but Ricky kicked them aside before quickly kicking him between the legs.

"Ouch. What I would give to not be him," said an Elf. Ricky kept on kicking him between the legs over and over, each blow being more powerful than the last as Cartman cried and groaned in pain. She kept on hitting, over and over, and over and over.

"Please, not-GAH! Anything-AAH!" Ricky's anger started to decrease with each kick, and soon, her kicking started to stop about a few minutes later, and Cartman was laying flat on the ground, crying in pain and unable to move for a while.

"I'm...I'm finished!" panted Ricky. "The Wizard King has been defeated!"

"HURRAY!" The Starfires cheered.

"That means the Elves win!" cheered Kyle. Ricky went over to him, punched him, then kicked him straight between the legs with all of her strength, shocking the elves.

"You didn't...you didn't think I forgot about you...didn't you...?" panted Ricky before walking towards the Starfires, who gave her a water bottle. As soon as she recovered her breath, she knew Kyle and Cartman were defeated, and the remaining enemies have been defeated. "The evil wizard and Elf king both have been defeated! Goth kids! Take the stick from Cartman's desk!"

"YAY!" cheered the girls.

"Victory is ours!"

As soon as the Goth kids reached the desk, Pete realized something. "Hey, wait a minute. Our desks don't have insides."

It was as if time stopped. "W-what?" asked Ricky.

"Desks at this school just have tabletops," explained Michael.

"But, I thought Twitter said-"

"Look over here! This desk has writing on it!" pointed out Henrietta, pointing to a broken desk next to her.

"'Check my locker,'" read Pete.

"Who's desk is that?" wondered Ricky.

"That's...that's Clyde's desk," answered Kyle, regaining conscious. As soon as Cartman and some other warriors recovered, everyone went straight to Clyde's locker, opened it, and pulled out a laptop, where the screen showed Clyde in a new dark armor.

More importantly, he was holding the Stick of Truth.

_"Greetings, humans and drow elves of Zaron!"_ announced Clyde.

Kyle and everyone else was surprised. "Clyde!"

"Hey, he's the guy Cartman banished!" said Ricky, recognizing him.

"He took the stick!" said Cartman angrily.

_"While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!" _Clyde showed the kids a crate full of the green goo and a dead cat.

"Oh no, it's more of that green stuff!" complained Ricky.

_"With what I have found, I will raise an army of the dead!" _Clyde poured some of the green goo into the cat, who was somehow revived, and its skin turned green. It started speaking German and went away as Clyde put on a dark crown. _"I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill the Earth!"_

"Clyde, but why?" wondered Stan.

"I banished him to be lost in space and time and now he's all pissed off," explained Cartman.

Ricky grew mad. "So it was your fault then!"

_"So you see, fools, I control the stick AND the future of the Earth!"_

_"Clyde, you want a sandwich?" _A man's voice called out.

_"Not right now, Dad. I'm making a ruler of darkness video. Anyways, whoever controls the Stick controls the universe. And my first deed is that I herby DENOUNCE the human and the elf kingdoms! And strip BOTH kings of their power! HAHAHAHAAHA!" _

As soon as the video ended, everyone was left speechless. "...MOTHER FUCKER!" yelled Cartman.

* * *

_At Clyde's house... _

As soon as Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Ricky, Wendy, Butters, and Kenny arrived at Clyde's house, Cartman knocked on the door. Clyde's Dad opened it and saw them. "Oh, hello kids!"

"CAN WE SPEAK TO CLYDE PLEASE?!" demanded Cartman.

"Oh, Clyde's out playing in the backyard with his little friends." After hearing him say that, everyone pushed past Clyde's Dad and entered the backyard, where they were once again, left speechless when they saw a huge tower of darkness in Clyde's backyard.

"...Holy shit, dude," spoke Ricky.

On top of the tower was Clyde, who glanced down at his enemies. "Come and get it, losers! HAHAHAHAAH!"

"You can't do that, Clyde! You're lost in time and space!" yelled Cartman.

"No I'm not!"

"YEAH YOU ARE ASSHOLE!"

"Army of Darkness, defend the fortress!" After Clyde's command was heard, a large army of kids started appearing from the fortress and covered it completely. Most were Vamp Kids, and each one of them were powerful. Heck,even Craig stood by Clyde's side.

Cartman was shocked to see one of his trusted men with Clyde and yelled, "Craig? Craig, you're on my side!"

"You don't have authority anymore. The keeper of the stick said so."

"See? This is what happens when you disrespect your allies," said Ricky.

"This can't be happening," gasped Stan.

"GODDAMNIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITAH!"

"Sorry warriors and wizard!" called Clyde. "I'd love to invite you in to my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're TOO LATE!"

"Too late? What do you mean we're too late?" asked Stan, confused.

"Yeah, too late for what?" wondered Ricky.

"There you are, Butters!" yelled Mr. Scotch as he and his wife came over. "Do you know what time is it, mister?! It is WAY past your bedtime!"

Everyone else remembered in realization what time it was. "Oh shit, it's past our bedtime?!"

"Dude, I'm gonna get it!" said Kyle before everyone returned home.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Clyde's Dad entered outside and called out, "Clyde, it's past your bedtime!"

"AHAHAHA! Okay, coming Dad! AHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**Whew! Well, I'll be taking my vacation soon, so until then, stay gold!**


	11. Underwear Gnomes

**Hey, I'm back and ready for more!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

Once she got back home, the first thing Ricky wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. After she changed her clothes and brushed her teeth, Ricky yawned and crawled into bed, where her own mother was waiting for her.

"Goodnight, my little gumdrop," said her Mom sweetly. "Hope you're enjoying all the peace and quiet in our new home as much as we are."

"Goodnight..."

After Ricky's Mom turned off the lights and closed the door, Ricky made sure to keep her weapons close to her in case the aliens came like last time. However, she woke up later and heard some singing. She rubbed her eyes and sat up to see some tiny gnomes stealing her underwear while singing.

"Time to go to work! Work all night! Search for underpants, HEY! We won't stop until we have underpants! Yum tum tummy tum tayyy!"

"What the hell?!" exclaimed Ricky, getting off her bed and walking towards the gnomes. The other gnomes stopped what they were doing and gasped.

"OH SHIT! SHE'S AWAKE!"

"WHAT?!"

"This kid is awake! What the fuck do we do?!"

"Oh fuck!"

"I guess we gotta kill her!"

"All right, fuck it. Let's kill her!"

"Wait, what?!" shouted Ricky, getting mad. "Okay, I've been abducted by aliens, but this crosses the line!" She ran towards the gnomes and kicked two of them away, making them crash into her drawer. The other two gnomes screamed as Ricky picked them up and threw them to the floor, injurying them.

As the gnomes started to get up and slowly recover from her assault, one of the elves cried out, "Shit! She's too big! We can't beat her!"

"Well, if you can't beat them, shrink 'em! Go ahead, warlock!" One of the gnomes that had a skull mask on walked up to Ricky, took out a small bag, and threw some sort of powder at Ricky, thus making her shrink to their size.

Ricky looked startled. "What the hell?" She examined herself and realized the powder must have shrunk her. "Hey! Return me back to my size, assholes!"

"Come at us, bro!" challenged one of the gnomes as he and three other gnomes took a fighting stance while the others ran off somewhere.

"I'm a girl!" Ricky charged up towards a gnome and kneeled him in the face so hard, it knocked him flat on the ground, which was unexpected for the gnomes since they had no idea that even though she had shrunk, she still knew karate.

"Suck on this, bitch!" One of the gnomes opened up a small bag of his, and Ricky braced herself, thinking it was the same powder that shrunk her. Instead, the other gnomes covered their noses as a large green gas cloud surrounded the area for a while. Ricky started feeling a bit dizzy and she immediantly covered her nose when she tried smelling the weird gas.

"Take this!" While Ricky was distracted, a gnome managed to throw a few knives at her. Ricky was still dizzy, but she had enough strength to block a knife with her own dagger, but the other two managed to scratch her leg and arm badly.

"Ow..." When Ricky regained herself and saw that her My Little Pony PJ's were a bit torn up, she gasped and glared angrily at the gnomes. "That's it! You can mess with me, hell, I'll be even glad if you mess with Cartman, but NO ONE, especially you elves, mess up with My Little Pony!" With a loud yell, she charged at the gnomes, knocking one to the ground before throwing him at the other gnomes as hard as she could, making them crash into each other before turning to the last one.

The last gnome pull out a small bag and opened it, unleasing slow, but effective lightning towards Ricky. However, since it was slow, Ricky evaded it in time and slammed the gnome against the wall, taking out her dagger. "Alright, talk! Who are you guys and how do I return back to my normal size?"

"W-we're the underwear gnome! We steal underwear from folks every night! As for your size, you're going to have to find one of our gnomes so they can return you back. I don't know who!"

"Fine!" She quickly kicked him between the legs and left him wailing in pain. "That was for messing up My Little Pony pajamas!" She glanced around and saw a small mousehole nearby before deciding to check it out.

Inside was probably the construction of her whole house, only on the inside. There were some sort of pink dust bunnies around, and other gray dust bunnies and a few webs. She remembered when her Mom placed a few mousetraps inside just in case any mouse came. As she came closer, she saw a large mouse in her way, eating some cheese.

Now, if she was in her normal size, the mouse would be nothing to her, but since she's shrunk, the mouse was ENORMOUS. Unfortunately, the mouse spotted her and snarled at her before rushing towards her, making her scream and run away for safety. She ran past the mouse trap, and just her luck, the mouse fell straight towards it and was killed instantly, the blood staining the small walls around them.

"Cool! Weird and cruel, but cool!" cheered Ricky, relieved that the mouse was dead before proceeding past the dead mouse and forward. On her right, she noticed some sort of vent and slowly opened it up and saw her parents in their room, talking.

"I just sometimes feel like we should tell her the truth," admitted her Mom.

"Why? So she can relive it all in her head? It's better that she can't remember!" argued her Dad.

"But...if she really had this 'gift,' she's going to discover it on her own anyway."

"And then they'll try and use her for her gift and she'll become a weapon. They won't stop looking for her. We have to keep everything a secret, even from her."

"I'm so frazzled. Will you...make love to me?"

_'WHAT?!'_ thought Ricky. She had heard of people making love, but never saw or even experienced it before, but she had heard from others it was sorta...disgusting. Heck, she never even saw an education about it, but from the way things were going, she knew something bad was going to happen.

"Of couse I will, darling." As soon as her Dad said that, her parents started kissing and making out with each other, making some moans and weird sounds as Ricky secretly watched.

"Oh God," said Ricky, still watching. "Is he...? And...why are they remo-Aaaand I'm out of here!" As soon as the air started heating up figuratively and literally, Ricky ran off and tried to block the sound by covering her ears, and was probably never going to get disgusting images out of her mind anytime soon.

For the next few minutes, Ricky was trying to search for the gnomes so they could get her body back to normal. Along the way, she had to climb up wires as vines, escape and try to lay traps for giant mouses, and avoid any weird noises which were really hard since they were pretty loud. Luckily, there were some pink dust bunnies around, and even though they were dirty, Ricky used them as earplugs to block out most of the loud sounds.

When she did made it out of the constructive areas inside the house, she arrived in her parents' room and watched in horror as her parents were doing...something to each other. In bed. Naked.

"Oh fuck yeah!"

"Yeah! Fuck me! More!"

"Oh God!" shouted Ricky, walking away from the scene and trying to avoid contact with her parents as she searched for the gnomes. Finally, she found them using a ladder to climb down. "Hey! You assholes! Stop right there!"

The gnomes stopped what they were doing and recognized the same girl they had shrunk before. "Oh shit! The kid is still following us!"

"She's not going to stop until she finds a way to become normal size again! That means she's coming after you, warlock!" one of the gnomes told the skull masked gnome.

"What?! Oh fuck!" Immediantly, the warlock, who was in another ladder, started climbing down as fast as he could. Before any of the gnomes could climb up and stand on the same ground level as Ricky so they could attack, Ricky rushed over to them and pushed the ladder away.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" The gnomes who were climbing that ladder screamed as their ladder fell to the ground, causing all of them to collapse in a large heap. Ricky rushed to the second ladder to see where the warlock was and found he had just finished climbing down and was running off.

"Get back here! Gah!" Ricky started climbing down as fast as she could and started chasing after the warlock.

"I'm not changing you back! I don't care what you do to me!" The warlock managed to start climbing up the bedpost so he could get on top of the bed, causing Ricky to glance up and groan, knowing what this meant.

"Oh you got to be kidding me." Determined to return to normal despite what was going to happen, Ricky had to climb up and soon confronted the warlock while her parents were still doing their 'activity.' "Look, I know we have to fight and all, but can we PLEASE return to my room and do it? I don't want to spend another minute here!"

"Oh, you'd like that, doncha?" challenged the warlock. "Too bad! I'm not going to fall for your surprise ambush, human!"

"What ambush?! I just got shrunk for the first time! And I was too busy to chase you! You'd really think I'd have time for an ambush?! Look, can we at least fight on the ground? And not on the bed?!"

"You just couldn't let it go, could you?!" demanded the warlock. "You couldn't just let us take your underpants! Nooo, you had to go and start asking questions!"

It took everything for Ricky to regain her standing as her parents were making the bed rock back and forth. "Look, you can take my underwear! Just please, change me back to normal and I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

The warlock seemed to ignore every word she said. "Well now, you shall see the true power of an underwear gnome!" He took out his weapon, which happened to be a pencil.

Ricky sighed. "Fine! Fine! Let's just get this over with, quickly!" She took out her weapons, which are daggers.

"Fuck yeah!" cried out her Dad, making Ricky cringe. Her Dad reached for the radio and pressed a button, which activated some romance song that somewhat fitted the mood.

Ricky frowned and listened to the music for a bit before realizing what sort of music it was for. "Gah! Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!"

"Yaaaaaah!" The warlock took her distraction as an advantage and rushed forward, attacking her with the tip of his pencil weapon and scratching her scratch on her arm, making her hiss.

"Ow! Fuckin' elf!" Ricky hissed in pain but backed away a bit for distance and avoid anything else like giant legs and other stuff. They continued to battle for awhile, and a few times, they actually almost went over the edge until some certain body parts prevented them so. As they fought, the sounds Ricky's parents were making were growing louder and louder each minute, making Ricky wonder when they and the stupid song, was going to stop.

"Oh shit! Incoming!" cried out the warlock, jumping to the ground and laying low as some sort of body part headed straight towards Ricky. It took every will, every strength in her body, and everything not to make her puke and allow her to leap back to dodge the body part in time. More satisfying, another body part came and smacked the warlock in the face, knocking him flat and defeating him before Ricky rushed over and pointed daggers at him.

"It's over! Now hurry up and change me back so I can get out of this mess!" pleaded Ricky desperately. She didn't want to spend another second in this room, especially while her parents were still doing 'activites.'

"Allright! Alright! You win! Take this!" The warlock stood up and handed Ricky a small pouch. "Take it! You can grow small or big whenever you feel like it!"

"Why did you try to steal underwear?!" demanded Ricky, still more desperate.

"All we wanted was to collect underpants to stop the Taco Bell from releasing its toxic green goo into our underground world! You see, the green goo is actually a-"

**SPLAT!** Some body part crushed the warlock, and everything went dark for Ricky.

* * *

**...Yeah, not my favorite chapter either due to some...things. Anyways, I'm back, and that's all it matters! That...was one of the most disgusting parts in the game, so I'm outta here, bye!**


	12. Alliance of the Three Factions

**Hey everyone! Last chapter was...horrible, wasn't it? Yeah, thought so. **

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs.**

* * *

The next day, Ricky woke up with the most terrible nightmare ever. She had dreamed about her being shrunk, getting attacked by underwear gnomes, and worst of all, she was forced to fight against some gnome while some jazz romance music was on and her parents were making love.

However, that nightmare might have been real when Ricky saw herself in the mirror. Her pajamas were a bit torn and she was a little sweaty while she held a pouch in her hands._ 'No...it can't be...'_ Just to be sure, Ricky poured some of the powder from the pouch and shrunk.

Well, that definitely proved it wasn't a dream.

After puking a few times in the bathroom, washing a couple of times to get any dirty smells off, and changing into her royal thief clothing, she quickly made breakfast for herself and avoided her parents who greeted her hello. There was no way she could look them straight in the eye after what just happened last night.

After opening the door and getting out, she spotted Stan walking towards her house. "What do you want, Stan?"

"It's Sir Stan, actually," pointed out Stan. "But never mind that, Empress. There's an emergency meeting at the Elven Forest, and King Kyle requests your presence. The Wizard King and his men are also there as well."

While it was good that both the Elves and Humans acknowledge her as Empress, Ricky glanced around and stared hard at Stan. "Alright, but if this is a trap, the first balls I'm kicking will be yours."

Stan gulped, not wanting to experience the same pain like last time back in the Great Battle at school. "I swear to you, Empress, this is not a trap. Now, follow me."

It took a few minutes, but eventually, they arrived in Kyle's backyard, where a large number of humans and Elves were gathered for a meeting. Kyle saw Ricky and got close enough to smell her. _'Ahhh...she smells like sweet apples and strawberries,' _thought Kyle, lovestruck.

"...Dude? Dude! King Kyle!" called Stan, snapping his fingers in front of his best friend/king.

"H-huh?" Kyle shook out of it and announced, "A-ah! Empress Ricky has decided to bless us with her presence! Let's get started!" As soon as Ricky sat down in one of the chairs, Kyle continued. "Humans, Elves, and, even though there's only one, Starfires of Zaron, a great evil has descended upon us. After researching last night, I believe we are facing a huge threat to our entire world." Kyle went up to his laptop and activated some Powerpoint, revealing a screen about Clyde's large fortress. "Clyde's fortress of darkness is over four stories tall. So far, he has recruited at least fifty warriors to be on his team and-"

As Kyle was talking, Cartman was quietly snickering to himself, causing Kyle to stop and glare at him. "Dude, what is your problem?" asked Ricky to the snickering Cartman.

"You have something to say, wizard?" demanded Kyle, a bit mad.

Cartman stopped snickering and said, "Nothing! Just think it's kind of funny how drow elves in the Middle Ages can use Powerpoint."

"You guys, this is serious!" said Kyle. "Clyde is attempting to raise an army of darkness. I believe he is messing with something he cannot control. He has recruited many of our friends, and so...our only hope is for our three factions to join forces."

"Fuck. That!" shouted Cartman. "We do not team up with fuckin' Elves!"

"You got a better idea, Wizard Fatass?!" demanded Stan.

"After what you elves did to us at the Battle of Wormsly Woods, you think we'll ever trust you?!" yelled Butters.

"Yeah, you-you tell 'em, Butters!"

"That-that was Jimmy's fault and he apologized."

"Oh-oh, we're apologizing now? How about we apologize for breaking the rule about using arcane fire magic?"

"Yeah!"

"Hey, that was the humans' rule, not ours!"

"Join forces, my paladin ass! Only good elf is a dead elf!"

"W-why don't you s-s-suck my dick, Butters?"

"ENOUGH!" hollered Kyle, catching everyone's attention. "Whether we are human, elf, or even a Starfire isn't going to matter one bit if all of Zaron is taken over by German Zombies! We SAW what that green stuff does! We better find a way to stop Clyde or there won't be a world to fight in!"

"Even if we do join forces, we don't have enough warriors!" pointed out Stan.

"So we recruit more factions to join us! The Pirates! The Federation! And even...the Starfires."

"The Starfires?!" exclaimed Butters as everyone else glanced at Ricky, ruler of the Starfires.

"Kyle, the girls are not gonna fuckin' play with us!" said Cartman.

"No, but maybe the new kid can." Everyone turned to face Ricky. "Ricky has a power we have yet to understand. She makes friends on Facebook faster than any we have seen."

"She is really good at getting Facebook friends, I'll give her that."

"You got that right!" Ricky had to agree, standing from her chair and getting everyone's attention. "After what you guys did to all the other traumatized, injured, and victimized Starfires, you really think we'll all, especially ME, will join this army?"

"Hey, we didn't even know the girls, and goths, joined together! Because of your faction, we ALL lost!" shouted one of the elves.

"Well, you guys clearly underestimated girl power, and goth power, and we won fair and square! Yesterday, when we fought, there were two armies! I had one army, and yet, me and the rest of the Starfires were able to fight against you! What do you say to that, huh?"

The other boys grew silent. Although they hated to admit it, what she was saying was indeed the truth.

"Even so, we still need your help!" pleaded Kyle.

"Even if you somehow convince me to help you, I can't do this alone without the Starfires! I mean, the goth kids might help, but what about the girls?" questioned Ricky. "I can't just force them to help! We all have to agree on this! Otherwise, we're not really the Starfires anymore! Besides, I know why we have to stop Clyde, but why do we have to fight alongside with you and fatass?"

"'HEY! I am not-"

"Shut up, fatass!"

Kyle sighed. "Because we don't have enough warriors! Your army is the biggest out of all of us! And smartest too! And most attractive...and...more pretty...and cute...and-"

"KYLE!" yelled Stan, snapping him out of it.

"W-what?!" Kyle once again, snapped out of it and focused on the topic. "Anyways, you get the point."

"No, I don't!" said Ricky. "Your men, even with yyour knowledge, attacked my group before they even played the game! Hell, they never intended to, and they were all innocent! Despite that, they were all sent to that stupid raping punishment thing! I even posted it on Facebook!"

"What?! No wonder I have so few friends left!"

"Exactly!"

"Wow, and I thought I was worst than Kyle," muttered Cartman. "Way to go, Whore."

"As for you!" Ricky started stomping towards Cartman, emitting a dangerous aura that had the boys near Cartman back away. "Stop calling me Whore! It's Ricky! RICKY! You're even worse than Kyle! I can't believe no one had the balls to stand up to you except me! And I'm a girl!"

"I did-"

"Shut up, Kyle. And this is all your fault in the beginning, asshole!"

"What are you talking about?!" demanded Cartman.

"I mean, if you never banished Clyde, he wouldn't have formed a faction, meaning you were the true evil core to this!"

"Shut up!"

"And anyways, if I do agree to join, what do me and the Starfires get in return?"

"Well, first off, we can all get rid of Clyde's faction forever," said Kyle. "That would satisfy all three factions. And we can make your faction an official faction to the game."

"Why bother? We already forced our way into the game thanks to my help."

"Well, what do you girls want?"

Ricky thought about it for a moment and said, "We get to have the Stick of Truth, and you guys can't attack or fight us or steal the Stick of Truth for a month. And if the girls want to, they can design the stick and glitter or decorate it whatever they want."

Lots of groans and complaints were heard from the boys as they tried to refuse, especially Cartman. However, Kyle spoke up and said, "Alright, fine! Just for one month, right?"

"Kyle! You can't be serious!" said Stan.

"It's only for one month, dude. We have to endure that."

"Glad someone's being a gentleman," said Ricky, not noticing a happy look on Kyle's face on that compliment. "But there's something about the alien goo you should know..."

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Clyde's fortress of darkness... _

"...And there, I want the throne there. And right there will be where my flying pet monkey will be. And-"

"My lord! My lord!" cried out one of the vamp kids, running towards Clyde along with Craig.

"What?" demanded Clyde. "Can't you see I am still arranging the items which my fortress of darkness will need?"

"There's been bigger news on Twitter!" informed the vamp kid. "Yesterday, at the Battle of the school, while the Elves and Humans fought one another, another faction has taken over!"

Clyde, who was busy texting his phone, overheard and said, "Yeah, yeah...wait, what?"

"Yeah, the third faction isn't us. We're the fourth. The third consists of girls, and goth kids," explained Craig. "The leader is also a girl, named Frederica. But she likes to be called Ricky."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...FUUUUUUUU-"

* * *

_Later... _

Ricky was escorting Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Butters,Kenny, and Jimmy right into the girls' meeting room, after she blindfolded them of course. She heard some sort of weird yelling and asked, "Hey, did anyone hear that? It sounds like someone's yelling 'fuck' for a long time."

"Eh, it's probably nothing," said Kyle.

"Are we there yet? I'm starving!" complained Cartman.

"Cartman, you just had breakfast an hour ago!"

"Yeah, and we had to wait half an hour for you to get out of the bathroom!" said Ricky. "Finally, we're here!" She removed their blindfolds, an the boys gasped at the bright appearance of the girls' meeting room.

"The four hundred and twelfth meeting of the girls is herby called to order," announced Wendy, slamming her mallet. "Sparkle, sparkle."

"SUNSHINE!"

"Oh my God, we're surrounded by whores," groaned Cartman.

"Dude, shut up!" scolded Ricky.

"Sunshine sparkle, Millie Larson has the floor," said Lola.

"If it pleases and sparkles, I move that we vote IMMEDIANTLY on the urgent matter involving Monica Ryland," demanded Millie.

"Yes!"

"Alright!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's do it!"

"Oh, I think I'm gonna hurl..." said Cartman, pretending to be sick.

Ricky got mad and stomped on his foot, ignoring his cries as she stepped forward. "Excuse me! Sorry, but I have an urgent matter that I need to talk about first."

"The chair acknowledges Ricky," agreed Wendy.

"Sunshine sparkle, Ricky has the floor," announced Lola.

"Well, I got a request from the boys from that Stick of Truth game."

"Oh." All at once, the girls hid under their desks and in a few seconds, they reappeared in their armor and weapons, surprising the boys. "What request do the boys ask of us?" asked Wendy.

"Whoa! How'd you girls do that?!" asked Kyle.

"It's a secret," one of the girls replied.

"Remember that fourth faction? About Clyde's new army? Well, the Elves and Humans wants us to join their army, and in exchange, we get something sweet," explained Ricky.

"What?! We don't have time for that!" cried out Millie. "Something very big has happened and we must do something!"

"Okay, but what if the boys helped out?" suggested Ricky.

"Oh, that's not a bad idea," agreed Bebe. "I glitter Ricky's idea."

"What?! We didn't agree to this!" shouted Cartman.

"Hey, if you want my help, the other girls have to agree as well," said Ricky sternly.

"Sunshine sparkle. A motion has been glittered to have the boys help with Monica Ryland," said Lola, standing up.

Wendy started explaining, "Alright, boys, look. There are terrible rumors going around town that our good friend Allison Nelson was spotted at the abortion clinic."

"I have NEVER been to the abortion clinic! I'm not a whore!" defended Allison, upset.

"Right, right, we believe you," said Ricky gently, giving Cartman a warning glare about the next time he says an insult.

"We aren't sure, but we think the girl spreading rumors is Monica Ryland," continued Wendy.

"And then she has the gall to act all nice to me!" cried out Allison angrily.

"We have to know for sure if Monica Ryland is a two faced bitch or not. So, we're going to send a Facebook page with one of the boys' picture, then tell her that he's Bebe's boyfriend from Lakewood, and he wants to meet her and ask her what the best thing to get Bebe for her birthday, and see if Monica tries to hit on him because that way, we'll see if Monica is a manipulative bitch. Do this task, and the girls will consider the boys' request."

Ricky nodded and turned to the boys. "Alright, which one of you gets to pretend to be Monica's boyfriend?"

"Oh, and it can't be Stan, because he's my man, damnit," said Wendy, getting a little jealous.

"Okay...Stan's out. So, who next?" The boys glanced at one another. "Come on, guys. We gotta do this. Who's it gonna be? Well, I personally don't think it should be Cartman or Jimmy."

"Why?! Because I'm fat?!"

"Yes. Yes, you are," admitted Ricky, earning a shocked look on Cartman's smug face. "And Jimmy, sorry, but well..."

"I-it's okay. I-I understand. P-p-people don't l-l-like crippled p-people like m-myself."

"Thanks. So it's down to Kenny, Kyle, and Butters-"

"A-actually, I don't want to be Bebe's boyfriend! I'm already saving myself for someone!" replied Kyle quickly.

"So, Kenny or Butters. Hmm..."

"(I'll do it!)" declared Kenny.

"Kenny? Okay. We should get you dressed up for the part first," suggested Ricky.

"(Alright, meet me in the park in half an hour then.)"

* * *

_Later, in the park... _

"Hey, come to think of it," admitted Ricky. "I've never really seen Kenny without his hood."

"Eh, it's nothing, really," said Butters. "Oh! There he is, right now!"

Everyone turned to Kenny, who didn't have his orange parka on, but had messy, spiky blond hair, some sort of basketball shirt on, black pants, and white shoes. Ricky immediantly fell for Kenny and sighed.

"Wow...he's so hot..." she sighed, making Kyle's jaw drop.

"WHAT?!"

"Hey guys," said Kenny in his normal voice, which sounded cute to Ricky.

_'He even sounds cute! Eek!' _thought Ricky, a bit of a pink blush in her face.

Kyle was getting more and more jealous the more he looked at Ricky and Kenny. Just the thought of them together made his eye twitch. How come he gets the big puffy red hair, and Kenny, who's more of a pervert than him, gets the good looks?! Next time he meets his Mom, he will demand a haircut!

Butters looked up from his facebook page and glanced up to see Monica Ryland sitting on a bench. "There she is, fellas! Looks like she did agree to come due to our message! Kenny, go for it, buddy!"

"Right! Wish me luck!" cheered Kenny, walking towards Monica as everyone else hid behind bushes.

"Good luck..." muttered Ricky dreamily, making Kyle more jealous.

"Hey there," said Kenny, adding a bit of a seductive tone to his voice as soon as he approached Monica. Ricky squealed quietly at his seduction, angering Kyle once again.

"Oh, hi," welcomed Monica as Kenny took a seat. "You must be Kenny. So, you wanna talk about Bebe, huh? Well look, Bebe's my friend, and I think she's really great. I don't know if she's the end of all girls, I mean, she's a little two-faced if you ask me..."

As Monica kept on chatting with Kenny, with him doing most of the listening, Ricky was more jealous than Kyle that this girl was just flirting and talking to Kenny.

"But hey, I ready your Facebook page, and I think you're a really interesting boy."

Just when Ricky was ready to pounce on Monica, she heard a voice, "Aha!" Bebe, Wendy, and Rebecca popped out of their own hiding place and confronted Monica. "I knew it! You two-faced manipulative bitch!"

"What the heck?!"

"Thank God we sent Kenny to spy on you, huh girls?" said Wendy.

"Yeah! Now we know you're a two-faced bitch!" shouted Rebecca.

"What do you mean?! You guys are my best friends!" defended Monica.

"Then why are you hitting on my Facebook boyfriend?!" demanded Bebe.

"YOUR Facebook boyfriend?" said Ricky, popping out of the bushes and revealing herself. "Nuh uh! He's my boyfriend! I like him! And for the first time in my life, I'm gonna say he's hot! Besides, he's your FAKE boyfriend, remember?"

"Uh...what?!" wondered Kenny.

"WHAT?!" cried out Kyle, revealing himself and the rest of the boys.

"Oh boy," said Stan, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, I know!" said Bebe. "We also brought someone else who might be interested!"

"Monica! What the fuck are you doing?!" demanded Monica's boyfriend, Jake.

"Uh oh. Hi Jake."

"Have fun, you two-faced skank!" said Wendy before she, Bebe, and Rebecca left.

"Guys wait! Please, come back!" pleaded Monica chasing after them.

After the girls but Ricky left, Jake turned to Kenny angrily. "What's the big idea trying to fuck my girlfriend?"

"Oh no..." muttered Kenny, suddenly regretting his choice to volunteer being someone's boyfriend.

"Nothin' to say, huh? Well, maybe, you'll understand THIS!" Jake threw a punch at Kenny's face so hard, he sent Kenny flying to the road nearby. Kenny was okay, but with a large sore wound on his cheek. As he was trying to get up, a truck ran him over, killing him.

"Holy shit!" shouted Ricky, taken aback.

"Oh my God! He killed Kenny!" cried out Stan, pointing to the bloody road.

"You bastard!" said Kyle, a bit relieved that his love rival was dead. "Well, now what?"

"We must avenge Princess Kenny!" cried out Butters, taking out his hammer.

"That's right! Charge!" Under Cartman's command, but he and Butters rushed at Jake, who simply beat them up in just a few seconds, leaving their battered bodies in the ground.

"...Now what?" wondered Stan.

"...He killed Kenny."

"W-what?" asked Jimmy, turning to Ricky, who had suddenly turned quiet.

"He killed Kenny...He punched him and made him fly towards a truck and crushed him..."

"Yeah, that's tragic and everything, but now we have bigger problems now," said Stan, turning to the still enraged Jake.

"A member of Zaron has been slaughtered!" declared Ricky.

"W-what?" wondered Kyle as he and the other remaining boys turned to her.

"The time for vengeance has begun!"

"Oh no..."

"The murderer must be punished! **THE MURDERER MUST DIE!" **

About several seconds later, Jimmy, Stan, and Kyle could only watch in sympathy and winch every time they heard and saw Jake getting beaten down by black belt Ricky, who was clearly showing no signs of mercy.

"Ow! Oh God! Aah! No, no, not the fa-Ow! Aah! Ack! Oof! Gah! Right between the legs...!"

As soon as Ricky was done, Jake was on the ground, with no signs of getting up anytime soon. Cartman and Butters already recovered and were somewhat enjoying the punishment Jake took. Meanwhile, Stan, Jimmy, and Kyle decided to never, ever piss off Ricky. Ever.

Stan turned to Kyle. "...Your soon-to-be girlfriend is scary."

"Dude, shut up!"

* * *

**Haha! Enjoy the chapter? Read and review!**


	13. The Abortion Clinic

**Heya, guys! So, the clinic part, here we go!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

Once Ricky and the boys returned from the park, they were greeted by the girls as soon as Ricky removed the blindfolds. "Ricky, and the rest of the boys, we want to thank you for helping us determine whether or not Monica was a two-faced bitch," said Wendy.

"So, that means you're going to be helping us, right?" asked Kyle, hoping for a good answer.

"Unfortunately, it turns out Monica couldn't have been the one spreading rumors about Allie Nelson going into the abortion clinic."

"Yeah, so we made up," said Rebecca.

Monica, who was sitting in one of the desks, said, "You guys are the best!"

"You see," explained Wendy. "The thing is, Heidi Turner was supposed to put on the Facebook page that Kenny was Bebe's boyfriend, but she didn't."

"Uh...so?" said Ricky.

"Because Heidi Turner is a two-faced bitch who says she likes me, then tries to stab me in the back!"

"Right! So, we need to know if Heidi Turner is the two-faced bitch who's spreading rumors about Allie being spotted at the abortion clinic," concluded Wendy. "But in order to do that, we need people to think you're a girl, like a girly girl!"

"Wait, what?!" Ricky suddenly knew where this was leading into. Two girls held her arms and she started to struggle. "Hey!"

"MAKE OVER!" all the girls cheered, dragging her to the dressing room, leaving the boys alone.

Then, Bebe went to the boys and said, "You might want to wait by the abortion clinic. This could take awhile. Also, by the way, Cartman-" She ran over to him and kicked him right between the legs, dragging him to the ground. "THAT was for ripping my Justin Bieber doll apart!"

"AAAAH! CRAZY BITCH! GAAAH!"

"Well, you have to admit, I like the girls more and more each day," admitted Stan.

* * *

_Later, at the abortion clinic... _

"GOD! What is taking those girls so long?!" exclaimed Cartman impatiently.

"Yeah, dude. It's only been...about an hour," said Stan, glancing at his watch. "I wonder why girls take so long to change."

"We're here!" Bebe's voice cried out. All the boys turned to see the girls, and as soon as they saw Ricky, their eyes widen and their jaws dropped.

Ricky wore a velvet dress with red shoes, a white skirt, and long white stockings. She wore a bit of makeup in her face, and her short blond hair was straightened down a little while a red rose hairpin planted on her hair and she was carrying a red purse. She looked extremely beautiful to the boys, especially Kyle.

"Whoa," said Stan.

"Huh..." said Cartman, rubbing his chin.

"Wow..." sighed Kyle, a lovesick look on his face. Ricky, however, didn't seem to enjoy her outfit and was forced to walk slowly and carefully so she doesn't trip.

"This is one of the reasons why I don't wear girl clothes. They're too tight and call for too much attention," complained Ricky.

"Just be glad we didn't put heels on you," said Bebe.

"Alright, Ricky. Get inside the abortion clinic and find the records room," ordered Wendy. "Take a picture of all the records in the past week and text them to us. You boys, stay here for backup. That will help us find out who the two-faced bitch is. I'm sure you can appreciate why none of us can do this."

"No, I really don't," deadpanned Ricky, glaring at them.

"If any of us are spotted, people might think we're sluts like Jessica Rodriguez," explained Bebe, worried.

Just like on cue, the girl Jessica walked up to them. "Hey, guys!"

"Hi, Jessie!"

"Hey girl!"

"Heya!"

"What are you up to?"

"Oh, nothing. Just finding out which one of our friends is a two-faced bitch!" chirped Bebe cheerfully.

"Cool! Well, see ya around!"

"Awesome!" said Wendy. After Jessica left, she frowned. "Skank."

"Dude! She seems like a nice person!" defended Ricky.

"She's a slut!" said Bebe.

"You know what? If you're just going to accuse people of being sluts, then you're no better than two-faced bitches yourself." With that said, Ricky went inside the abortion clinic, leaving behind two shocked girls and as the boys followed her.

"...Dude."

Once inside, Ricky greeted with the woman near the counter. "Hi, here for an abortion?"

"Y-yeah!"

"It's okay, don't be scared. The first one's always the scariest. Take room A, second door to your left. I'm sorry, your little friends will have to wait out here."

All of them huddled for a new plan. "What do we do?" wondered Butters.

"Alright, me, and three others have to come with me. I have a plan," suggested Ricky.

"(I will!)" replied Kenny, earning an angry look from Kyle.

"I'll go!" said Kyle quickly. "I-I mean, just in case."

"Me too. I can't leave my best friend alone," suggested Stan. "Meanwhile, you guys have to provide enough time for the four of us. That lady's watching us."

"Psst! That's easy!" said Cartman, walking up to the lady behind the counter. "Hey, lady! Do you like Batgirl?"

"Well, she's been my favorite superhero since I was a little girl, so why?"

Cartman pointed outside and said, "They're selling Batgirl on Ice tickets outside the abortion clinic."

"Really?! Oh my God!" The lady abandoned her post and rushed outside.

"...Oh my God," groaned Ricky, forgetting how easily adults could be tricked.

"Let's hurry!" reminded Kyle, grabbing her arm before he, Ricky, and Stan rushed to the door and entered a long hallway. "Okay, what's your plan?"

"First, we have to go to a closet! Here we are!" Ricky opened a closet and pushed Kyle, Kenny, and Stan in before closing the door behind her. In mere seconds, Ricky was standing on top of Stan, Kenny, and Kyle, Stan was carrying Ricky, Kenny carried Stan, and Kyle was trying to keep both of them on top.

They never changed clothes and instead put on a long doctor's coat, buttoning it up to hide themselves as Ricky pretended to be a doctor, Stan was to provide for the hands, Kenny helped out, and Kyle had to move around while carrying the two of them and wearing a long coat that nearly blinded him.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!"

"Great, my foot!"

"I'm sorry, dude! I'm trying!"

"This is just great!"

Everyone else glanced at Ricky, who smiled back nervously before they all went back to work. Once no one was looking, Ricky whispered, "Kyle! Head straight!"

Kyle obeyed and in a few seconds, he had accidentally slammed Ricky against the 'Records Room' door. "Oops! Sorry!"

**"Access granted. Thank you, doctor," **spoke a voice from the spying monitor.

"Whoa! What was that?" wondered Stan, slightly startled as Ricky entered the Records Room and clicked on the lights.

"Just some spying monitor," answered Ricky while she, Kenny, and Stan got off a tired looking Kyle and took off the long coat.

"Whew! You guys are heavy!" panted Kyle. "I mean, not you, Ricky, since you are light! And I don't mean to insult you too, Stan, it's just-I'll shut up now."

The team searched for the files even though lots of files were everywhere, and found the 2013 ones. It took them no time to find the papers and for them to click pictures on them and send them to Wendy.

Then, they heard some weird noise and saw that one of the shelves were moving until Randy fell out of them and used boxes as cushions for his landing. "Agh! Damnit!"

"Dad?" wondered Stan. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh! It's my favorite son! And his friends! Including Ricky!"

Ricky looked slightly annoyed that the most annoying person in the world was here. "Hey Mr. Marsh."

"Something strange is going on, here!" Randy explained, standing up. "The PTA reviewed that tape Ricky got us. The Taco Bell has something called a Plan B. They've been here looking through these records. But, why would they be interested in the gynocological files of the women in South Park?"

"I'm afraid you know too much now." Randy and the others turned to see two government agents, one of them holding a gun and pointing towards them.

"Holy crap, dude!" cried out Stan as he, Randy, Ricky, Kenny, and Kyle held up their hands in their air.

The government agent wielding the gun held up a walkie talkie and informed, "We have five more asking a lot of questions."

_"Deal with them QUIETLY. We can't let anyone find out what we were doing there._"

After hearing that, the government agent cocked his gun, ready to fire. "Are they really going to fire at us?!" exclaimed Kyle.

**BANG!** Ricky, Kyle, and Stan watched in horror as Kenny's blood stained the floor. "Holy shit!"

"Oh my God! He killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

"Before you kill us, tell us why," said Randy. "Why is Taco Bell taking the records of women's vaginas in South Park?"

Kyle, Stan, and Ricky stared at Randy in disgust. "Dad!"

"That...has got to be the most disgusting question I've ever heard," commented Ricky.

The second government agent who was holding some strange machine noticed the machine was beeping. "I'm picking some hot readings on the ESRB."

"Tell us! What do women's vaginas and Doritos Locos Tacos have in common?!" demanded Randy, once again asking more.

"Dude, stop asking that! God!" complained Ricky.

The two government agents didn't seem to listen to Randy. "ESRB is going crazy!"

"Oh shit! There's an outbreak here!" yelled the other government agent before turning to the walkie talkie. "We have containmination in Sector Seven! All units to Sector Seven now!"

The others watched as military soldiers started surrounding the clinic, and a female employee who worked in the clinic was being captured. "Secure the entire building! Put that woman in restraints!"

"What's going on?!" a doctor cried out.

"Taco Bell security," informed a government agent. "Your clinic is infected with the Nazi Zombie Virus."

"Nazi zombies?! That's ridiculous! And bigoted! I happen to be German!"

"HE'S ONE OF THEM!" Immediantly, an government agent started firing shots at the doctor with a machine gun, and seemed to have killed him.

"Oh my God!" screamed Ricky, shocked.

The shot doctor, who was somehow still alive, slowly turned to the kids and weakly whispered, "Tell people...what you saw here today..."

Afterwards, the military started running around, completely forgetting the kids inside the Records Room. "Dude, what do we do?" wondered Kyle.

"We gotta get out of here! Dad?" Stan glanced around but didn't see any sign of his Dad. "Dad?!"

"Look over here!" said Ricky pointing to an open air vent. "Maybe your Dad escaped through here. It might be able to fit us in." Kyle and Stan went inside first while Ricky followed behind, and the trio crawled through the vents, trying to find a way out of the clinic, and hopefully, Stan's Dad as well.

After a while, they found a room that looked to be empty, but when they entered inside, they found Randy wearing a female blond wig, sitting on a chair, and he had taken off his pants and opened his legs, a towel covering his private parts.

"Oh God!" shouted Ricky, looking away.

"Dad!" scolded Stan, placing more towels to hide anymore private parts. "There. Ricky, it's safe."

"My God, there was a girl in here! What were you thinking?!" demanded Kyle. "No wait, why are you even disguised as a-"

"Shhh!" whispered Randy, addressing to the door. Someone on the other side was trying to knock the door down, while screams and gunshots could be heard on the other side.

"Quick, disguises!" hissed Ricky, grabbing a long coat. Once again, Ricky was on top, Stan in the middle, and Kyle in the bottom, and once they assemlbed that position, Ricky placed a doctor's coat over them and buttoned it up as quickly as possible.

Stan said, "Alright, now for my Dad-"

Then, two government agents bursted into the room, startling everyone. _'Shit! We didn't have time to disguise Mr. Marsh! We're in big trouble now!' _thought Ricky.

"Nobody move!"

"Oh, hahaha, what's wrong?" Randy nervously laughed while trying to imitate a woman's voice. "I-I'm just here for an operation! Haha...Oh! There are you, doctor! I'm ready when you are! Is this going to hurt, doctor? Tee hee!"

The two armed government agents looked suspicious. "There's something fishy going on here. I think they might be Nazi Zombies," whispered one of them.

Ricky overheard their conversation and tried an adult voice. "Uh...No, sir! I am a full-fledge, licensed doctor! Who's way more experienced in doctoring! Yup!"

"We'll SEE if you're a real doctor! Give her an abortion! Do it!" ordered one of the government agents.

_'Ew! At least they bought the whole 'Randy pretending to be a girl,' thing,' _thought Ricky, turning to Randy.

Stan grew worried and whispered, "Dude! What do we do? We don't know a thing about abortions!"

"I heard they use a syringe before each abortion! Use pick one!" whispered back Kyle.

"Yeah, that's great, but what about me?" hissed Ricky. "I have to watch a GROWN MAN"S abortion, damnit!"

"Uh...close your eyes then!"

"If I do, the government agents will know what's up!"

"Dude, just endure it. It's either performing an abortion, or getting shot at," whispered Stan.

"No, wait! Just tell the government agents that the best way to do an abortion is to close your eyes! That way, me and Stan will do the rest!" encouraged Kyle.

"Okay. Hey, sirs? Well, one of the best techniques to perform an abortion is to close your eyes! So, yeah! I'm gonna do that now!" Ricky quickly closed her eyes and whispered, "Okay, ready!"

Stan said, "Alright..." He peeked through the small hole of the coat and nearly barfed at looking at Randy's private parts, but luckily held it in and searched for the syringe quickly before injecting all of it into Randy's leg.

"OW! MY BALLS!" screamed Randy, dropping his feminine tone. Once he realized his mistake, he tried to fix it. "My malls! I mean, my favorite shopping malls all close at five, doctor. Can we please get this over with quickly?"

Stan groaned and whispered, "What now, dude?"

Kyle managed to grab a small book about performing abortions from the floor and read it to Stan. "Now, we have to get a small metal rod and...dilate it all over your Dad's balls."

"Oh my God." Stan made a small disgusted sound before reaching for the metal rod and spinning it all around, winching as he heard some slimy sounds.

"Oh! That's cold! That's cold!"

After a while, Stan sounded like he was ready to faint. "What now...?"

"Now, the final step is to use some vaccuum and...suck up his balls," finished Kyle. Stan nearly barfed once again as he reached for the vaccum and turned it on, slowly started to suck up as everyone heard Randy's cries of pain until finally, Stan stopped the machine, indicating he was finished.

"Are you done?" whispered Ricky.

"Yeah..."

"Okay, I'm finished!"

"He did it!" said the government agent.

"Okay, so he is a real doctor." Suddenly, the lights started to flicker off and on several times before screams were heard. "What the hell?!"

The two government agents exited out of the room and immediantly started shooting something. "Oh shit, clear the building! The area has been compromised! Get out now!"

Once they were gone, the three kids steadied themselves to the ground, and Stan started puking all over the ground as Ricky fetched some water and Kyle was rubbing his back. "That...was the grossest thing I've ever done," groaned Stan.

"At least we'll never have to do it anymore," said Ricky. "Come on, let's get out of here. Mr. Marsh?"

"Uh...you kids go on ahead. Might be a while before I can walk very well," said Randy, still sore from the abortion.

"Glad to hear that," said Kyle before he, Stan, and Ricky ran out of the room and into the hallway. As son as they got there, they saw lots of fully armed soldiers and government agents, along with screams of nurses nearby.

"What the hell is that?!" questioned one of the government agents. A piece of the ceiling crumpled away, making everyone step back in case something came out of the hole. They heard some squeaky German nearby and wondered around.

"Matthers...where did you find the alien goo?"

The one known as Matthers replied, "Broken vials in the trash can, sir."

"What could have come into contact with it in the trash can of an abortion clinic?"

**CRASH!** A small, pale-skinned baby crashed through one of the doors and began crawling towards one of the agents. Soon, three more came and started climbing up the walls as the government agents tried shooting at the Nazi Zombie Babies, only to be killed by a single bite in the neck by them.

As the Nazi Zombie Babies were feasting on dead bodies and Ricky and her team were staring in horror, they were snapped out of it when Butters popped his head out of the hole in the ceiling. "I'm here for you buddies!"

Butters, Cartman, and Jimmy landed on the ground safefully, along with a brown dog. "Sparky!" cheered Stan, running over to him and hugging him.

"Is Sparky Stan's dog?" asked Ricky.

"Yeah, and he's also gay!" pointed out Cartman.

"Shut up, fat boy!"

"Hey! Don't call me fat! Besides, it's true!"

"Aw, look at that little fella!" awed Butters, staring at a Nazi Zombie Baby eating a dead man's throat.

"...Butters, I want to answer me sincerely," said Ricky carefully. "What is that baby doing?"

"Why, eating on that man's throat! But he don't mind!"

"Now, if the man alive with all that blood?"

"Huh...come to think of it, not really. But I'm sure the baby must be hungry!"

"Yes, hungry because that baby isn't a baby! He's a Nazi Zombie Baby! And he killed that man and eating like a cannibal! Dude, he's dangerous! How can you think of that as cute?!"

"I-I'm sorry..." said Butters, feeling guilty.

Ricky sighed, thinking she was a little bit harsh. "It's fine." Ricky picked up a handgun on the ground and shot the Nazi Zombie Baby in the head, killing it.

"W-whoa!" cried out Jimmy, startled.

"What'd you do that for?!" exclaimed Stan.

"They're not human! They're Nazi Zombies! Like regular zombies!" argued Ricky. "If we wanna get outta here, we gotta kill as many Nazi Zombie Babies as soon as possible!"

"I don't have a problem with that, brah," said Cartman, picking up a gun and shooting the next Nazi Zombie Baby. "See?"

"Oh my God!" cried out Kyle, watching as Sparky had bitten a Nazi Zombie's head so deep, it was killed instantly. "Dude, your dog just killed one!"

"Good-bad dog!" said Stan, unsure what to call his dog for now. He was glad that the monster was dead, but it was plain disgusting to learn his dog was also somewhat a cannibal.

"Holy shit! More are coming!" said Kyle as some Nazi Nombie Babies approached them.

"Meet my righteous fury!" Butters ran towards one of them and slammed its head with his hammer, splatting blood all over. "Oh jeez!"

"Although we had no choice, that's still sick," said Stan, taking out his sword before charging. "HIYAH!" He sliced off a Nazi Zombie Baby's head off and forced himself to puke in a corner.

"Everyone, grab a gun! We're gunning our way out of here!" shouted Kyle, taking a shotgun from the ground.

"Aw, hell yeah!" cheered Cartman before quickly grabbing a small machine gun and shooting all over the area, forcing his allies to drop to the ground and cover their heads for safety. Once Cartman had run out of bullets, all of the remaining Nazi Zombie Babies were already dead. "Yeah! I've got more than that one coming! Just as soon as I find more cartridges of course..."

Ricky, Stan, and Jimmy also grabbed guns and with the six of them, they all started shooting their way out of there, shooting any Nazi Zombie Babies in sight, or any infected soldiers. Every time they shot something, Stan would always puke, and Cartman was the only one enjoying this.

Eventually, they were almost out of the abortion clinic and arrived in the waiting room when they saw two unharmed soldiers, surrounded by dead bodies and blood. "That's it! That's it! The area is secure! Code Green!"

"It's not secure..." mumbled a doctor weakly. He looked bloody and had lots of shots.

"Tell all units that the outbreak has been contained!"

"It's not contained!" shouted the doctor as loud as he could, despite how weak he was.

"What the hell are you talking about?" demanded one of the soldiers.

"It's not contained," the doctor started explaining. "Y-you don't understand...Khloe Kardashian was in here this morning. She had...the biggest abortion I've ever seen..."

At the mention of an abortion, Stan puked at a corner once again. Ricky said, "Oh come on, it can't be that big of an-"

Suddenly, the walls collapsed and the biggest, Nazi Zombie Baby started crawling into the waiting room. "Oh my God!" screamed Kyle as he and his friends backed away. They all warched in horror as the soldiers started shooting at the Nazi Zombie Baby, only to be torn apart in a few mere seconds.

"H-H-h-holy w-w-wow!" sputtered Jimmy.

"That's it! Battle positions, people! Butters, check if the front doors are open!" ordered Ricky, taking out her gun and started to shoot at the Nazi Zombie Baby. "Everyone else, spread out! The baby can't target so many people at once!" Everyone quickly spread around the room except for Stan for he was still puking at a corner.

Butters rushed to the front door and tried to open it, only to discover that some large rocks were blocking the door from opening. "It's no use! I can't open it! Something's blocking it!"

"What do we do?" wondered Kyle.

"Obviously, we got no choice but to fight it!" ordered Ricky, deciding to shoot the Nazi Zombie Baby in the mouth, where it was forced to block with its arms.

"She's right! It'll be like when we fought that asshole in World of Warcraft! It took us like about 17 hours to beat him!" agreed Cartman. The true reason why he wanted to do this was because he liked to shoot things. Especially annoying babies like this one.

"Are you crazy?! That situation was completely different! This is real life!" said Kyle.

Ricky grabbed Kyle by the collar of his shirt and shook him. "Who cares?! And anyways, we have to beat that thing before it gets outside! If it reaches outside, it'll kill more people than in this stupid clinic! Got that?"

Kyle only gazed at her eyes and sighed. "Wow...you have beautiful eyes..."

Before Ricky could say anything, Butters cried out, "Ricky! Kyle! Behind you!" The umbilical cord connected to the Nazi Zombie Baby struck Ricky, causing her to yelp in pain before the cord pulled out of her.

"Ouch! That freakin' hurt!" Ricky rubbed her back and started shooting. "Stan! Hey, Stan! We need you!"

"C-coming!" said Stan, who just finished puking for who knows how many times. He unsheathed his blade and had his dog to support him. No matter what the kids did, they only manage to injure the Nazi Zombie Baby very little, and the umbilical cord wasn't helping one bit.

"Dude, this fatass baby isn't going down! What do we do?!" wondered Kyle. "Ack! I'm out of bullets!"

"M-me too!" said Jimmy, clicking his gun.

"GAAAAH!" yelled Cartman, frustrated since his gun ran out of bullets. He ran towards Butters, grabbed his gun, and started shooting until he realized there were no more bullets left. Then, he dropped the gun and grabbed Stan's before using up the gun. He went for Ricky's, but she slapped his hand away.

"Dude, get your own gun!" shouted Ricky before shooting the last bullet. "Aw, damnit! I ran out of bullets too! Looks like we're going to have to go close combat style!"

"We can't get in close! We've seen what that baby did to those other two guys!" reminded Stan. Then, he spotted his dog eat away the umbilical cord. "Sparky!"

"No, wait! This is good! Watch the baby!" said Ricky, pointing to the Nazi Zombie Baby. The Nazi Zombie Baby was crying out in pain and rolling around the ground as Sparky was eating away the cord. "Attack tthe baby!'

"T-that sounds s-so w-w-wrong i-in so many w-ways," admitted Jimmy as he and the others charged towards the Nazi Zombie Baby. They began attacking the defenceless monster with everything they got, increasing their attacks with each second and slowly weakening the baby until they had to back away as soon as Sparky ate the entire umbilical cord.

"Ew..." said Ricky.

"I'll finish it off!" declared Stan, spinning his sword around before getting into a attack position. He got out some sort of red pen that show a harmless red laser and pointed it at the Nazi Zombie Baby. "Red Rocket!"

Immediantly, Sparky, whose face was covered in blood, stopped chewing on the umbilical cord and bit deep into the Nazi Zombie Baby's head, causing it to squirm and cry. Stan held up his sword and steadied it carefully before charging it at the baby.

He slashed several deep cuts at it and before leaping up, he yelled, "WAY OF THE SWORD!" He brought his sword down from above his head and managed to cut the Nazi Zombie Baby's head so deep, it was enough to kill it, making its body drop dead.

"...Whoo hoo!" cheered Butters before everyone else applauded and surrounded Stan, cheering him on. Stan panted and dropped his sword before sitting down to rest for a bit.

"Great! You guys return to the kingdom, and I'll return back to the girls and inform them what happened," replied Ricky. The others agreed and they made their way to their destinations.

* * *

_At the girls' meeting room... _

"...And that's what happened," said Ricky, exhausted. As soon as she returned to the meeting room, she explained everything that had happened in the abortion clinic.

"Ricky, the girls are very thankful for you texting us the abortion records," thanked Wendy.

"We are one step away from finding out which girl among us is a two-faced bitch," stated Bebe.

"Unfortunately, the records keeper at the abortion clinic is from Paris, and so, everything is written in French."

"Whoever this two-faced bitch is thinks she can outsmart us!" cried out Millie.

"We want to help the boys with their army, but we just can't have a two-faced bitch out there on the loose," explained Wendy. "Just get these documents translated for us, and we promise to help join their army."

"...Why not just use Google Translate?" asked Ricky.

"What was that?"

"Just use Google Translate. It translates one language to another, so just use that."

"Oh, I tried that once, but it didn't work out for me. I got a C for my Spanish test," spoke up one girl.

"The same problem happened to me too!"

"Yeah!"

"That system sucks!"

"Boo!"

"Alright, alright! Maybe the boys will help me out," said Ricky before leaving.

* * *

**Alright, guys, I know what you were thinking when you learned about the abortion clinic, and there was no way in HELL I was going to let a doctor perform 'that' on Ricky. Okay, maybe the making love thing that night was bad, but this crosses the line! Anyways, read and review!**


	14. Canada, oh Canada!

**Heya, guys! Last chapter wasn't too...bad.**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

When Ricky arrived back in the Elven Kingdom, she went up to Cartman and Kyle, who were discussing plans to take down Clyde. "Hey guys!" called out Ricky. "Bad news. The girls can't play with you guys until you guys can translate these documents."

Ricky gave her phone to Kyle, who saw a picture of the documents. "What's this? Council, gather around!" Once a lot of Elves and Humans gathered around, Kyle continued, "This must be something Ricky needs our help with!"

Stan took the phone from Kyle and tried to read the documents. "Cinq femmes ont subi un avortement...what language is that?"

"It's some kind of strange Orcish," said Cartman. "I've seen this language before. In the kingdom to the north," revealed Cartman.

"Ohhh...the kingdom to the north," said Butters, impressed.

"No, the language is French. The girls told me," said Ricky. "Anyone know French?"

Nobody said a word. "Nobody here knows French. But there is someone out there who knows," said Kyle.

"Getting that document translate isn't going to be easy," said Cartman, walking towards a treasure chest before coming back with a passport. "To breach the kingdom to the north, you will have to assume another identity. Your name is no longer Lady Whore. It is now 'Larry Bobinski,' from Cleveland."

Ricky frowned at Cartman mentioning her old name, but at least she got the name, 'Larry.' "Wait a minute, Larry is a guy's name. I'm a girl."

"Yeah, well I bet there are a ton of female Larrys out there!" said Cartman.

"...Actually, no. There aren't," said Stan.

"Isn't there another passport with a different name?" wondered Ricky.

"Nope."

"The quickest way to the Kingdom of the North is through the Lost Forest," explained Kyle. "Head north, then north again, north...and then north."

"So...basically, just north."

"You better get a real passport photo first," advised Stan. "Or else you won't make it past Border Control."

"Alright, but if I'm doing this, some of you have to go with me!" said Ricky. "At least until we reach the Border Control."

"That's alright," said Kyle. "I'll go."

"Wait, me too," offered Stan.

"(Me three!)" said Kenny.

"Alright, then the four of us, then," said Ricky.

"Hey! What about me!" shouted Cartman.

"Don't you have a kingdom to rule?"

"Oh yeah, right."

"Stan, lead us to the Photo Dojo," ordered Kyle.

"Yes, my lord!" As the four of them left, Cartman secretly followed them from behind, leaving Butters in charge.

* * *

_At the Photo Dojo..._

Once Ricky and her friends arrived, Ricky turned to them and said, "Okay, you guys stay here. I'll handle this alone."

"Okay, got it," said Kyle. He noticed something wrong with the cameraman in the counter when he somewhat stared Ricky in a weird way, but decided it wasn't that important.

"Hi, here to get your passport picture taken?" asked the cameraman. "Just head into the room there and we'll get started." Both the cameraman and Ricky went into the other room where other people's photos were taken, and it seemed the stage was set for the camera to be taken.

"What now?" asked Ricky.

"Just step between the lights, please," advised the cameraman, getting the camera ready.

"Okay..." Ricky entered the green screen and stood up, trying to look at least nice for her photo.

"That's great. Okay, smile!" The cameraman looked ready to shoot the picture when he stopped. "Um...do you have something else to wear? Can you try something else on?"

Ricky frowned. "No. These are the only clothes I have. Just take the picture."

"Okay, okay. Tell you what, how about no shirt at all?"

"WHAT?! Ew, no!" exclaimed Ricky, backing away.

"Okay. Aw, those pants don't work with the lighting. Could you just-just take off the pants too?"

"Hell no!" shouted Ricky, getting more mad. "What are you, some sort of pedophile? I'm not taking off my pants or shirt!"

"Why don't you take off your underwear too?"

With that kind of saying, even Ricky would think that this guy was really a pedophile. "No! Fuck off you pedophile!"

Then, a man who looked beat up popped up from behind some boxes and yelled, "You sick son of a bitch! Stop him!"

"You'll never take me alive!" Before Ricky could do anything, the beat up man rushed towards the cameraman and punched him straight in the jaw, knocking him to the ground before kicking him hard in the gut.

Before the beat up man could continue his assault, the cameraman got up quickly and punched the beat up man hard in the face as Ricky watched. She was unsure if she should cheer, but she was stunned. She watched as the beat up man, thought more injured, managed to knock the cameraman into the ground and punch him repeatedly. The cameraman soon gained bruises and a nosebleed on his face and was knocked out by one final impact on the floor.

"Uh..." Ricky was really unsure what to do next. Just then, the door fell open, and Kyle, Stan, and Kenny entered, the trio holding a fake, plastic pillar to use to break down the door.

"We're here! And..." Kyle stopped and glanced around the area. "Oh...is the fighting over?"

"What happened?" asked Stan.

"Oh, this guy laying down on the ground tried to get me to undress but that guy beat him up and now we're saved," explained Ricky. "What about you guys?"

"Oh, we all heard you shouting and after we heard the word, 'pedophile,' Kyle suggested we go and rescue you," answered Stan.

Kyle nudged him and hissed, "Dude! Shut up!"

"Alright, let's get this over with," said the real cameraman, aiming the camera at Ricky. "Say cheese!" After taking a picture, he walked over and handed Ricky the photo he just took. "Congrats, kid! You have your first passport!"

"Finally!" said Ricky. "Let's get out of here! I don't want to spend another minute here!"

* * *

_Later, at the border of Canada... _

"Dude, why are we disguised like adults?" asked Stan. He dressed up in a tuxedo and had a blond wig on, making him look like a secret spy from the spy movies.

"Because if we just enter looking like kids, they'll never accept my passport, and they might call our parents and we might get grounded," reasoned Ricky. She decided to be disguised as a man as well because of her stupid passport name.

"Okay, but why does Kenny still get to dress up like a princess? And why is Kyle dressed up like a lady?" Like what Stan said, Kenny still wore her princess costume, and Kyle just had a blond wig on and a plain white dress.

"Because I volunteered!" answered Kyle. The real reason was because he wanted to try and become 'wife' to Larry Bobinski, aka Ricky. "Besides, no one's gonna recognize Kenny with his princess costume on."

"(That's right!)" supported Kenny as they approached the border, where a Canadian guard was standing nearby.

"Ah! I see you have a passport! Hand it over!" ordered the Canadian guard. Ricky handed him her fake passport, and he read it over. "This is obviously a fake passport! You must have cheated!"

"What?!" shouted Ricky, shocked.

"Now that I know this is a fake passport, go on! Get!"

"Now what do we do?" wondered Stan.

Just then, Cartman, who wasn't wearing his wizard costume, appeared with a mustache and some sort of German military uniform and walked past Ricky and the others. "Excuse me, sirs."

"(Cartman?)" said Kenny, surprised.

"Dude, what are you doing here?" asked Ricky. "We specifically told you that you couldn't come!"

"And I'm telling you, I don't care," backtalked Cartman before handing a passport to the Canadian guard. "Here you go, sir."

"You got to be kidding me! You had another one?! Why didn't you give me that one?"

"Because my name is Sebastian Julias Ricardo Montanda Von La Reveta!" exclaimed Cartman.

"That's way too long of a name!" said Kyle.

"Aha! This is obviously a fake passport, sir!" shouted the Canadian guard. "I'm afraid I have no choice but to arrest you five!"

"WHAT?!" yelled the five of them together.

"Okay, I didn't want to have to resort to this, but I have no choice," said Cartman. He walked up to the Canadian guard and kicked him hard in the leg, causing the guard to fall to the ground in pain. Cartman got some duct tape and started tying up the Canadian guard before gagging him.

_'Oh my God! ...That's the same thing me and Butters did to that other security guard!'_ thought Ricky.

"There!" said Cartman, who finished duct taping the Canadian guard. "Now, let's move before anymore of this guy's buddies come!"

"But Cartman!" started Stan.

"Go, go! Hurry!" Everyone was forced to follow Cartman as they passed the border and ignored the gagged Canadian guard's cries.

"(I can't believe we're doing this!)" cried out Kenny. They fled to the town of Ottawa and as soon as they got there, they got out of their disguises and panted for breath.

"Alright...let's just go around and ask people if they know French," panted Ricky. She knocked on the door of a nearby house, but it seemed the door opened for her. She and her friends entered inside and wandered around, checking to see if someone was inside or not.

"Hello?" called out Kyle.

"Hey guys! Check this out! I bet whoever owns this place has treasure!" said Cartman, pointing to the doors of the basement before opening them and entering inside. Everyone shrugged and decided to follow Cartman.

"AAAAAHHHH!" a Canadian woman screamed.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Ricky and her friends screamed and covered their eyes. In the basement was a bed, and two Canadian citizens were naked and making love to each other when they heard the kids enter the basement.

"Who the fuck just walks into someone's house?!" demanded the Canadian man before he and his wife continued what they were doing.

"Oh my God!" cried out Kyle, still covering his eyes. Although he and his friends couldn't see anything, they could still hear the love making sounds.

"Let's get outta here!" shouted Ricky before everyone else except Kenny left.

"(Aw! But I wanted to see more of them! Especially the lady!)"

"KENNY!"

"(Alright! Alright! I'm coming!)"

* * *

_Later... _

The five kids split up and asked people around town if they knew French, but sadly, none of them did. Which lead them to the huge palace where the Prince and Princess of Canada lived. Somehow, they managed to get past the ignorant guards and soon met up with the royal family.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" welcomed Prince of Canada. "Five heroes from the south? Not just anyone can pass the guard at the great border. You must have beaten the odds and gotten a...passport."

The five of them glanced at each other nervously. If anyone found out what really happened, they might get arrested, or worse, executed. Luckily, they were wearing disguises.

"I am the Prince of Canada and this is my lovely wife."

Then, the Princess of Canada farted loudly, surprising Ricky. "Oh, excuse me, Princess," said Ricky.

Kyle whispered, "Don't worry, all Canadian people fart. It's like a tradition."

"Wait, really?"

"What about your brother, Ike?" asked Stan.

"I think he's an exception."

"Ahem! How can I help you?" wondered Prince of Canada, who was handed a copy of the French documents by Ricky. "What's this? Hmm...sorry, but I don't know what this says. I've seen this language before, but I believe it is spoke only in a specific part of Canada. I suggest you travel west and seek the Earl of Winnipeg. He can tell you where in Canada they speak this freakish tongue. But I warn you, the wilderness of Canada is filled with Dire Wolves! You know what Dire Wolves are, right? They're like wolves, but dire!"

Ricky and her friends glanced at one another. Ricky spoke up and said, "I don't see how that's different from regular wolves."

"Like I said, they're Dire Wolves! They're like wolves, but dire!"

"Yeah, I know, but every kind of wolf is dire, so there's really not that big of a di-"

"Look, I'm the Prince, and what I say goes! Now get moving!" ordered the Prince of Canada impatiently. After they left, the Prince sighed and said, "Man, that girl sure likes ruining the mood."

"Man, that guy sure is an idiot," sighed Ricky as she and her friends were leaving.

"Hey, check this out," said Stan, taking five posters off the wall. It was wanted posters for the five of them, only their pictures showed them in disguise. Whoever captured these 'criminals' got a huge reward.

"...Let's just get going," said Kyle.

* * *

_At Winnipeg... _

Looks like the Prince of Canada was right, the Dire Wolves were dangerous and stronger than they looked. Luckily, they managed to survive on their way to Winnipeg and killed very few Dire Wolves, but suffered some injuries.

The five kids located the Earl of Winnipeg's mansion and confronted him about the documents. "Ah, yes. This writing is definitely Canadian," the Earl decided. "But why should I help some foreigners when Winnipeg is completely overunned by Dire Bears?"

"Uh...because we're cute and adorable little kids who need help translating those documents?" asked Ricky.

"Because I'll give you my crown if you do?" offered Kyle, taking off his branch crown.

"I'll let you pet my dog?" said Stan.

"(I'll give you a few of my porn magazines?)" said Kenny, holding up a small stack of porn magazines.

"Dude, where did you get those?" asked Ricky, stunned to see them.

"(The Internet.)"

"Tell you what, kill off all the dire bears in the north part of town and I'll help you however I can!" suggested the Earl.

"Okay, so let me get this straight," said Ricky. "You want us, five young 9 year olds, to go and fight who knows how many dangerous bears, and that's all we need to do?"

"Yes! And, if you can, bring me their furs too!"

"Are you crazy?!"

"Well, if you can't do that, our deal's off!"

"No worries! I'll call my uncle Jimbo! He and his pal Ned are pros at hunting!" said Stan, dialing numbers on his phone. "Besides, uncle Jimbo owned me anyways."

After getting outside, Stan finished talking with his uncle and while the five of them waited, they saw some Canadian men surrounding a dead citizen and decided to check it out. "What happened?" asked Kyle.

"This poor citizen was killed by a Dire Bear," explained a Canadian guard. "You know what a Dire Bear is, right? It's like a bear, only dire."

"Once again, not that different from an actual bear," said Ricky, a bit annoyed.

"Glad you got to fight a Dire Bear and not me," spoke up a Canadian guard. "You know what a Dire Bear is, right? It's like a bear-"

"But only dire," finished Stan.

"Oh! You kids know what a Dire Bear is?" questioned another Canadian guard, walking up to them. "It's-"

"Like a bear, but only dire!" all five of them corrected, rolling their eyes. Suddenly, a woman screamed, and a Dire Bear rushed up to Kenny and tore him apart before starting to devour him.

"Holy shit!"

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!"

Then, a van pulled up in the area and ran over the Dire Bear that killed Kenny. "Stan! We're here!' cheered Jimbo, getting out his shotgun along with Ned.

"Uncle Jimbo! I'm so glad you're here!" said Stan. "Wait, look out! More Dire Bears!"

"Dire Bears?! They're the most dangerous bears in Canada! Ned, let's get them!" shouted Jimbo. The five kids watched in amazement as Jimbo and Ned started shooting all the Dire Bears they could find and in minutes, all of the bears, at least most of them, were dead.

"Wow!" cheered Cartman.

"Yeah, thanks Uncle Jimbo! You too, Ned!" thanked Stan.

"No problem, Stan! Now, I have to go back to work, now! See ya later!" Jimbo and Ned entered the van and drove off.

"...So, how are we going to carry some of these dead bears?" asked Ricky. In the end, they were all forced to drag one dead bear to the Earl's mansion, except for Cartman, but it seemed four dead Dire Bears were enough to please the Earl of Winnipeg.

"By jove you've done it!" said the pleased Earl of Winnipeg. "Look at all these Dire Bear pelts! Now I can finally make a Dire Robe! Alright, give me that document."

After handing the document to the Earl of Winnpeg, Kenny asked, "(What does it say?)"

"Hmm...yes. This is actually written in the language of EASTERN CANADIAN. The Minister of Montreal can translate it. But I'm afraid the prince has imprisoned the Minister of Montreal in the caverns of Quebec. I will speak with the prince. Return to him and he should let you speak with the minister."

"Guys, let's go back to the Prince," sighed Ricky, getting a bit tired of these tasks after she was handed back the document.

* * *

_Back in Ottawa..._

"There you are! I understand you wish me to release the Minister of Montreal," theorized the Prince of Canada. "I'd like to help you, but I think this is another ploy by the Bishop of Banf to have Montreal allowed back into the kingdom!"

"Some Canadians think our nation should be united again, my lord," spoke up a Canadian guard. The Prince of Canada simply stared at the guard until he slapped him hard, shocking the four kids who watched that.

"Dude!' shouted Ricky.

"Ooh! That's gotta hurt!" cheered Cartman. "Do that again!"

"Cartman!" scolded Stan.

"Shut up! Who the fuck are you?!" snapped the Prince of Canada before reverting his attention back to the kids. "Listen, it's all because the Bishop of Banff is a liberal. He does these things just to make life difficult for ME. I ask you to perform another noble quest: go to Banff and kill the Bishop."

"What?!" cried out Kyle, unable to think of the thought of killing some guy they didn't know.

"Alright! An assassination! I always wanted to do that!" said Cartman. "Best. Day. Ever!"

The Princess of Canada gasped. "Kill the Bishop of Banff?!"

Prince of Canada hissed, "Shh. You. Shh! Anyways, kill the Bishop of Banff for me, and bring me his balls for proof! So this, and I shall allow you into the Catacombs of Quebec. Make haste!"

* * *

_At Banff... _

"God damnit..." muttered Ricky, feeling sick in the stomach. "I can't believe we have to cut off his balls, let alone kill him! I mean, taking a picture of him dead would be fine, but cutting off his private parts? Ew..."

"Don't worry. If it makes you feel any better, I'll cut them off," offered Kyle, patting her shoulder.

"Yeah, kinda like when you sucked my balls, literally," laughed Cartman at the memory.

"Eh...what?" asked Ricky, confused.

"You see-"

"Cartman! Shut up, fatass!"

"Hey, don't call me fat, you fuckin' Jew!"

"Here we go again," sighed Stan, rubbing his forehead like he had an headache. Then, he spotted the church and said, "Guys! I found it! Quick! Into disguises!" They quickly dressed up like the 'criminals' in the wanted posters and took out their handguns before breaking down the church doors and aiming them at the only person inside, the Bishop of Banff.

"Gah! Oh my Lord! It's the wanted criminals!" cried out the Bishop of Banff.

"Is every Canadian here a total spaz?" wondered Ricky.

"Sadly, it's true," said Stan. "Hey, are you the Bishop of Banff? If so, we gotta kill you. Sorry, dude."

"OKAY OKAY WHOA WHOA WHOA! Please, you don't have to kill me!" begged the Bishop of Banff. "I'll go away and the Prince will never kill me!"

"Even if we do let you go, we still kinda need your balls as proof thart we kinda killed you," explained Ricky.

"Please, take these Dire Pig testicles!" The Bishop of Banff offered them some...private parts in his hands. "And tell the Prince they're mine!"

"Dude, why do you have those things?" demanded Kyle, unable to comprehend with this.

"Oh God, I'm gonna..." Stan started puking once he turned around, and Ricky came up with a small box, letting the Bishop drop the Dire Pig testicles inside before she closed it. Immediantly, the four of them ran out of there, wanting to get the disgusting images out of there minds after changing to their regular clothing.

* * *

_Once again, at Ottawa... _

"Is he dead? Did you kill him?" asked the Prince of Canada eagerly.

Ricky nodded with a sick look on her face as she presented and opened the box for the Prince, unable to look inside. "Yeah, just take them!"

The Prince of Canada walked over and took the Dire Pig testicles from the box. "Yay! The Bishop's balls! Now religion won't interfere with government! How can we ever repay you?"

"You said you would free the Minister of Montreal, my Lord," reminded the Princess of Canada.

"...Sorry, no can do."

"What?!" shouted Kyle.

"But we went through Hell and back just for YOU!" cried out Ricky.

"With both the Bishop and the Minister taken care of, my throne is secure," said the Prince of Canada.

The Princess of Canada protested, "But, my liege, we made a promise-"

"SHHH. You. SHHHH."

After the Prince of Canada left, Cartman got his gun ready. "So, can I kill the backstabbing douchebag now?"

"As much as I want you to shoot him, we can't. There are lots of guards, and they'll execute us if we shot their leader," reminded Ricky, putting the gun down.

The Princess of Canada walked over and kneeled in front of the kids. "Quickly, you must speak with the Duke of Vancouver. He can help you into the Catacombs of Quebec." She handed them an envelope. "Give the Duke this. Hurry!"

* * *

_At Vancouver... _

"Come on, guys. Let's get this over with," sighed Ricky, who was just as exhausted as her teammates once they arrived at the Duke's mansion. They walked up to the older, royal-looking man who had just finished his phone call and handed him the envelope.

"What's this? A letter from the princess?" The Duke of Vancouver opened it up and began to read it. "What the-why, according to this, the Prince has something to do with the Bishop's murder and has imprisoned the Minister unjustly!"

"Yup! He killed him! The Prince of Canada ordered an assassination and killed the Bishop," said Cartman, lying a little.

"Kids, if you wish to brave the Catacombs of Quebec, you would have to speak with the monks who live to the southeast of town. Only they could train you in such sorcery."

"Oh come on!" complained Ricky, whining about traveling once again. Luckily, it didn't take them long to find the monks, which happened to be Terrance and Phillip.

"Oh my God! It's Terrance and Phillip, guys!" cheered Cartman, glad to see two of his favorite TV characters.

"Who are these kids?" wondered Terrance.

"Perhaps they are the Americans everyone has been talking about!" suggested Phillip.

"Look, we're here because the Duke told us that you could train us in sorcery," explained Kyle.

"So, are you going to teach us how to shoot fireballs? Or to control the earth? Or fly?" asked Stan excitedly.

"No, none of that!" said Terrance. "Our magic contains fart magic only!"

"...What?!" exclaimed Ricky, suddenly realizing where this was going.

"Oh, this is great, guys! I'm like a pro at farting! So, me and Lady Whore will learn fart magic together!" cheered Cartman.

"You're only good at farting because you eat a lot, fatass!" reminded Kyle.

"Yeah, I'm not doing it," said Ricky.

"But, why? You need to learn fart magic if you wanna become strong," said Cartman before turning to Terrance and Phillip. "Wait, do you know Nagasaki?"

"Yes, we know Nagasaki!"

"See? They know Nagasaki! Come on-"

"I am not learning any fart magic!" argued Ricky. "It's disgusting and gross, even for a tomboy like me!"

"Why?"

"Fuck you, that's why! I'm not learning anything! Sick!"

Just then, Katherine and Katie, Terrance and Phillip's wives, entered the house to greet their husbands. "Ah! Katherine!" cheered Phillip.

"And Katie!" said Terrance before the both of them embraced their wives and began kissing them. The four kids who were still there and being ignored all groaned and looked away.

"Dude, let's bail!" said Stan.

"No! We aren't leaving until I learn Nagasaki!" shouted Cartman.

"Terrance, I wish to make love to you now!" said Katie.

"Me too, Phillip!" agreed Katherine.

"Okay!" both their husbands said before they began kissing more passionately and began removing clothing.

"Ugh! Let's just go!" complained Ricky before she, Kyle, and Stan began dragging Cartman out of the house as the love began intense.

"No! No! DAMN YOU GUYS! ESPECIALLY YOU, JEW!"

"Shut up, fat boy!"

* * *

_At the catacombs... _

Luckily for the group, the catacombs weren't too deep or that hard to explore, but there were a lot of tough creatures to get by, but eventually, they found the Minister of Montreal inside somewhere.

Ricky handed the document to the Minister and asked, "Can you write down the translation for English for us?"

The Minister of Montreal read it over and spoke in French, "JE SUIS LIBRE! JE SUIS LIBRE! Oh, ne vous besoin de quelque chose traduit? Ok, cela se traduit par cela...cela se traduit par cela...Voila! Bon jour! Merci beaucoup!"

After the Minister wrote down the translation, he left the kids, who had no idea what he had just said. "...Let's get going," said Ricky.

* * *

**Alright! I know what you guys are thinking, and no matter what you say, it's still my story! Okay, so Ricky never learned Nagasaki, so what? At least I made the Queef Sisters have an appearance! As for that battle back at the school, those girls who farted in front of the boys didn't do it under the command of Ricky! They did it under their own actions!**


	15. Final Battle Part 1

**The end is near! In just a few more chapters, this story will be over very soon! So, yeah.**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs!**

* * *

After reporting the translated documents to Wendy and the rest of the girls, Ricky sat down in a chair and rested as the other girls gathered around Wendy as she tried to read the translated documents.

"...See? Right here it says five women were at the clinic that day," said Wendy, pointing to something in the documents.

"And right there it says Nancy Turner at 3:30 PM!" pointed out a girl.

"That's Heidi's Mom! So Heidi Turner was the two-faced bitch!" said Rebecca angrily.

"The evidence is irrefutable," said Wendy, looking up to Ricky. "Thanks, Ricky. We now know it was Heidi Turner all along who was spreading the rumors."

"Freakin' Whore!" cried out Lola.

"Two-faced butt rag!" yelled Emily.

"FUCK HEIDI TURNER IN HER TWO-FACED FUCKIN' ASS!" Bebe hollered the loudest.

"Okay, no need to insult her that much," muttered Ricky.

"But Heidi is really sorry, so we're deciding to forgive her," concluded Wendy.

Ricky blinked. "Well, that was quick."

Heidi looked surprised, then grinned. "I love you guys so much!"

"We love you too, Heidi!" cheered Bebe.

"Yay!"

"Yeah, Heidi!"

"You go!"

"You served our deal well, Ricky," continued Wendy. "Tell the boys we will agree to join their army." She slammed the mallet and called out, "Sparkle!"

"SUNSHINE!" everyone else cheered before leaving to get ready for battle. As soon as everyone changed and prepared themselves, they went to the Elven's Kingdom, otherwise known as Kyle's backyard.

"Kyle! Cartman! Guess what? I got the girls support and approval!" called out Ricky, taking the lead of the Starfires.

"Really? That's great!" Kyle cleared his throat and announced, "Everyone! Listen up! The Starfires have agreed to fight by our side!"

"HUZZAH!" every Human and Elf cheered, having achieved one of their goals.

Stan, who was looking through his phone, announced, "The Pirates and the Federation factions are standing by to fight as well, my Lord!"

"Then the time for talk it over!" called out Cartman. "Let us make haste to Clyde's house!" With that said, the Starfires, the Elves, the Humans, the Pirates, and the Federation all left to accomplish one more task.

Take down Clyde.

* * *

_At Clyde's house... _

Clyde, Lord of Darkness, was staring down from his Tower of Darkness at the large army, which was standing in front of his house. The large army glanced back up at Clyde, and most of them flipped him off while staring at him, especially Ricky.

Kyle turned back at the army and announced, "Today, we are not Elves, Starfires, and Humans! Today, WE FIGHT AS ONE!"

"Whatever we do here today will be engraved in our minds for this epic battle!" rallied on Ricky, trying to cheer them on.

"What we do here now, will be written and sung about on YouTube for days to come!" shouted Cartman.

"HUZZAH!" The army cheered, raising up their weapons, indicating they were ready to fight.

"Let us besiege the army of darkness with the courage of dragons! Let us delve their dungeons with swords and sorcery!"

"Let us charge our shields and use photon torpedos to vaporize the Klingons!" encouraged Kevin.

Ricky turned to Kevin and looked confused. "Uh...who are you?"

"Kevin, God damnit. Every. Fuckin'. Time, Kevin. God fucking damnit, seriously," complained Cartman, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Kevin looked sad. "I'm sorry."

"Dude, shut up!" said Ricky, feeling bad for Kevin and getting mad at Cartman.

"Whatever. ARMIES OF JUSTICE! Prepare! Ready?! And...LET'S BEAT UP CLYDE!"

With that said, everyone let out a battle war cry as they charged forward, past the door, past Clyde's Dad, who had no clue what was going on, and into the backyard, where the battle commenced.

Everyone got themselves an opponent and began attacking, the backyard-no, the entire neighborhood full of sword clashing and battle cries as the enemies fought one another. The goth kids were more than eagered to beat up the vamp kids for reasons unknown.

Ricky heard a scream and saw Wendy and Annie being attacked by four Vamp Kids, and they were currently being outnumbered while Wendy looked injured. Ricky rushed to her subordinates' aid by kicking a Vamp Kid from behind before punching his face and tossing him aside.

Now that there were only three Vamp Kids left, Wendy and Annie looked more confident and charged forward. Wendy exchanged blades with another Vamp Kid, Annie was thrusting her spear against a Vamp Kid who was blocking her attacks, and Ricky was beating up another frail Vamp Kid. As soon as Ricky quickly finished her opponent, she backflipped and kicked Annie's opponent with her feet, knocking him out.

"Ow!" Annie and Ricky turned to see Wendy had just finished off her opponent, but she was holding her arm before Annie rushed over to heal her. "I'm hit! They-they tore up my costume! I really worked hard on it! YOU SONS OF BITCHES ARE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID!"

Ricky saw Butters nearby and whistled to him. "Butters! Heal Wendy!"

Butters, who had finished off his opponent, rushed over. "O-okay!" He pulled out some ointment and rubbed it around Wendy's arm. "There you go, buddy."

"Whew! I feel so much better!" Wendy looked more determined than ever and took out her sword. "CHARGE!" Wendy, Annie, and Ricky ran past the bridge and soon approached the tower's entrance.

Stan, who was clashing blades with another of Clyde's followers, turned his head and called out, "Empress Ricky! You take the tower from the inside! Me and the pirates are gonna scale it from the outside!"

"Look!" pointed out Annie. There were two, buff looking guys wielding hockey sticks and were most like one of Clyde's followers. They didn't seem like they were going to budge one bit.

Then, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters arrived at their side and rushed past them. Cartman yelled, "Dragonshout!" He turned around, pulled down his pants, and farted at the two of them so hard, they had to cover their noses and cough. Butters used this distraction to hit them repeatedly with his hammer so hard until they went down.

"Lady Whore-"

"Stop callling me that, fatass!"

"Whatever! Listen, you must take Princess Kenny with you! The battlefield outside is much more dangerous for Her Highness!" Cartman pushes Kenny in front of him and continued. "Go! Go on! Do it!"

"Wait a minute," said Ricky. "Wouldn't it be more dangerous if I-"

"For God's sake, just listen to me, woman!"

"That's it!" Ricky went towards Cartman and kicked him in the gut, causing him to fall to the ground. She then flipped him off with the middle finger before starting to walk away. "Come on, girls. And Kenny, too."

"(That's Princess Kenny to you!)" reminded Kenny, following the Starfires. The moment they went inside, however, they were immediantly almost shot by fireworks by some of Clyde's followers above one level, causing them to scream.

As soon as the smoke cleared, Annie, Ricky, and Wendy remained, and there was a dead, smoking Kenny on the ground. "Holy shit! Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" cried out Ricky, aiming the middle finger at the ones who fired.

"You bastards!" screamed Wendy, looking at her torn armor. "This was my favorite costume! I worked hard at it and now it's ruined! Fuck you guys! **YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!**"

After that loud outburst, Wendy charged at the wooden shields some of Clyde's followers had put up to avoid any damage from a barrage of kids, but right now, Wendy jumped over them and began beating up the three kids who had put up the wooden shields. Those kids were scared and tried to fight back, only to get beat up as a result. The ones who fired the fireworks didn't know what to shoot since their teammates were also near Wendy, and they seemed to have forgotten about Annie and Ricky through the confusion.

As Ricky and Annie watched Wendy go berserk over her costume, Ricky spoke, "You know, the second we walked in, we kinda let Princess Kenny die. We kinda suck at this job."

"Yeah," said Annie. "No kidding."

"..." Ricky glanced at her and asked, "What, no words of encouragement?"

"No, I have to agree with you. We already suck at this job."

"I'm...I'm finished!" panted Wendy, who was already one level above them. Annie and Ricky glanced around and saw a few boys knocked out on the ground, and the firework shooters were already finished off.

Ricky and Annie climbed to where Wendy was and saw that the fireworks were still active. "Wait, we can still use those fireworks at Clyde's followers!" said Ricky, adjusting one of the cannons so it could be aimed at the window.

Wendy brightened up. "Yeah! Good idea! More revenge on the boys!"

"Hold on! Me first!" Ricky took aim and saw Cartman far away and fighting off a large horde of Vamp Kids, who seemed to be losing due to Cartman's fart magic. "Hey girls. There are a certain number of Vamp Kids near Cartman, but boy, oh boy, I would hate to sacrifice-"

"Do it! Do it!" chanted both Annie and Wendy, urging her to fire.

Ricky grinned and took aim. "Alright! Taste you ass goodbye, fat boy!" She got a torch from the wall and lit the ends of the cannon before she and the two girls backed away and covered their ears.

**BOOM!** The cannon unleased three fireworks which exploded on the battlefield, and when the smoke cleared, Ricky, Annie, and Wendy rushed to the window to see most of the Vamp Kids laying on the ground unconscious, but Cartman was still alive somehow.

"God damnit!" cursed the three girls.

"That's it! The fatass dies today!" yelled Wendy, getting the other cannon before firing it like the same thing Ricky had done. **BOOM!** This time, it took out a couple of the Pirates and the Vamp Kids, but no Cartman. "GODDAMNIT!"

"Let's just get going! We're out of fireworks, and there might be more above!" suggested Ricky before starting to climb up the ladder to the upper level. However, on the next level, there were a few Nazi Zombies eating some of the Vamp Kids. "Oh come on!"

After hearing her complaint, the Nazi Zombies turned their attention to the three kids, causing them to take out their weapons and prepare for battle. Before any of them could attack, a gunshot was heard, and one of the Nazi Zombies, who had a hole in his head, fell over, dead.

Bebe and Rebecca arrived, wielding dual guns as they got themselves to the same level as the Nazi Zombies. "Kill them!" yelled Bebe before she and Rebecca started shooting like crazy. They managed to shoot down two more Nazi Zombies and continued what they were doing.

Ricky, Wendy, and Annie snapped out of it before they began commencing their attack on the Nazi Zombies, aiming for the heads. Ricky leaped up and threw three knives at one Nazi Zombies before pounching on his head and stabbing a knife in, killing him. Wendy sliced a Nazi Zombie's arm off before cutting off his legs so she could slice his head off. Annie used the full length of her spear to stab a Nazi Zombie's head.

Soon, the ground was filled with green blood and Ricky and her best warriors panted for breath. "Nice comeback, Bebe and Rebecca," panted Ricky. Then, they saw a rope by the window and saw some of the Pirates climbing up before Stan showed himself at the window.

"We've got your back!" called out Stan. "Pirates, help Empress Ricky!"

Under his command, the Pirates pulled down a ladder for Ricky and her warriors to climb. "Avast, Empress!" one of them cried.

Wendy walked towards the window and kissed Stan full on the lips before pulling away. Stan had a dreamy look on his face before accidentally letting go of the rope, causing him to fall. "Stan!"

A crash was heard, and Stan weakly called, "I'm okay! Ow...Go on ahead! Ow..."

Ricky and her warriors climbed up the ladder which lead them outside three smaller towers and the Pirates were fighting some of Clyde's followers above. Stan, who had managed to recover most of his strength from the fall, managed to climb up to Ricky and her team and ordered, "Alright, here's the plan. Attack each tower and raise the gate so we can get into Clyde's lair! Maplebeard! Clear the path!"

Ike, who had arrived, saluted and said, "Yaaay!" He took out a firework and looked ready to lit it.

_'Oh my God! Since when do they let kids like him carry fireworks?!' _thought Ricky, shocked. However, before Ike could fire the firework, a Cyclops ran up to Ike and started punching him.

"Fuck. You!"

Ike fell to the ground and started crying and wailing, making Ricky mad. "That's it! Hey three eyes!' yelled Ricky, catching the Cyclops' attention.

"Wha-" Before the Cyclops could finish, Ricky ran up to him and kicked him right between the legs before punching his face once and kicking his gut twice, beating him up.

"That's for picking on...wait, how old are you?" asked Ricky, turning to Ike who stopped crying and managed to stand up.

Ike held up one hand and said, "I this many old!"

"Oh, okay. That's for picking on five year olds!"

"Yeah!" agreed Wendy. "Boys picking on little kids are the worst!"

"Yeah! Let's fuck them up!" cried out Bebe, raising her lance. The girls charged at the bullies before beginning to attack them. There were only about four boys in total, so Ike and Stan joined in the fight, and soon, the bullies couldn't win back since they were outnumbered and were therefore defeated.

"That's what you get, jerks!" shouted Rebecca before she and Annie flipped on the switches that would lift up the gate to Clyde's lair.

"Rebecca, Bebe, Stan, Ike, you guys stay here and help guard this area. Me, Annie, and Wendy will go on ahead," commanded Ricky, earning murmurs of agreement from them before her team went inside.

However, the moment her team went inside, they saw three Nazi Zombie cows trapped inside cages, and the door behind them shut. They heard crackled laughter and saw Craig on one level above them. "Aha! You're trapped! I'm a level 14 thief AND the Dark Lord's chief assassin and you will all perish here and now!"

"Craig, you freakin' traitor!" yelled Ricky, flipping him off. Craig responded by flipping her off, causing her to flip him off with both hands. That allowed Craig to flip her off again with both his hands this time, annoying Wendy.

"Ugh! Would you two quit flipping each other off already?!" shouted Wendy impatiently.

Craig released the cages holding the three Nazi Cows and kneeled down, saying, "Fools! Now, let's see how you fare against the Dark Lord's chief assassin, and three cows!" He jumped off and landed on his feet, the three Nazi Cows by his side.

"Ah man! Bebe! Rebecca! Where are you?! Some zombies to take care of!" called Ricky.

"Ha! Unfortunately for you, your friends can't come in due to my huge defenses!" crackled Craig emotionlessly. "There's no way that-"

Suddenly, the gate burst open, revealing Japanese people with spears as they charged past the kids and started stabbing and killing the Nazi Cows, shocking the kids. As soon as they were done, the Japanese left, leaving three dead Nazi Cows.

"Uh...anyone care to explain what just happened?" asked Ricky, still stunned. She shook her head and regained her composure. "Never mind! Girls! Attack Craig!"

Craig also regained himself and shouted, "Fools! I'm immune to splash damage! Clyde said."

Ricky facepalmmed. "Craig, the only 'splash damage' I know is from Pokemon, and Splash is the most useless move in all of Pokemon history! So basically, that's not really something to boast about."

"...Really?"

"Yes, really! I mean, seriously! Why did the creators make a stupid move that has no attack power or any effects?"

"Hello? Focus," reminded Annie.

"Oh, right! Attack!" ordered Ricky. Annie and Wendy went ahead first, swinging their weapons at Craig, who jumped back and avoided them in time. Both girls continued attacked with their weapons several times, causing Craig to dodge every single time until both girls fell to the ground, exhausted.

Ricky threw a knife at Craig, causing him to duck and get out his own knife. Both rushed at each other and started clashing blades with one another at fast speeds as Annie and Wendy started catching their breath. Once they regained their breathing, they got up and managed to land a hit on Craig before he jumped away for distance.

"Why fight one Craig when you can fight five?" he challenged before throwing down a smoke bomb at the ground, bringing smoke to the room. The girls coughed for breath, and once the smoke cleared, there were five boys identical to Craig, but one of them was black.

"...Oh you gotta be kidding me," said Ricky, annoyed.

"Ha ha! Try getting to me now!" all five Craigs taunted at the same time.

"What should we do?!" exclaimed Wendy, glancing around to see which one was the real one.

"Oh, come on, guys! It's pretty simple!" Ricky walked up to the black Craig and held his arm. "Craig just threw down a smoke bomb and three other guys in the same clothing as him rushed in!"

"Wait, three?" asked one of the Craigs.

"Yeah! This guy-I mean, seriously?! A black person? Really, I expected this from Butters or even Cartman, but this? Come on!" She punched the black Craig in the stomach then threw him to a wall, knocking him out. "One Craig down, four real ones left to go."

"ATTACK!" cried out Wendy. She and Annie raised their weapons before striking it down on two Craigs, who suddenly vanished into smoke. "What the?!"

Suddenly, one of the Craigs vanished, and the other Craig ran behind Annie in a few seconds before striking her several times with his knife, cutting her arm and legs. "Gah!" yelled Annie, falling to the ground as Craig vanished once more. "My leg! I can't move it!"

"Ricky! Annie can't move!" cried out Wendy. She dodged in time to avoid Craig's slash and hit him a little with her sword, causing him to leap back. He threw down another smoke bomb and soon, five more Craigs appeared, but the fifth one was Chinese.

"Alright, time to bring out the big guns!" Ricky leaped up and threw some daggers at the Craigs, but only a few of them hit the Chinese person while the rest missed. "Wow, I have got to work on my shooting skills."

"Haha, no matter what you do, we will keep growing and growing," the four Craigs said. Just then, the windows burst open, and Kyle and Cartman ran inside, crying out battle cries.

"For the Elves! For all of mankind!" cried out Kyle, tackling one of the Craigs to the ground and repeatedly punching him until his body was gone and smoke took his place.

"Craig! You fuckin' traitor! RAAAAGAGGHHH!" Cartman took one of the Craigs with one hand and the other with another Craig before bashing their heads together so hard, they turned to smoke almost immediantly. The only Craig left was the last one standing.

"It's over, Craig! Just back away!" warned Ricky. Suddenly, he disappeared, making everyone confused until they heard cries of pain. Ricky and Cartman turned around and saw Wendy and Kyle, beaten to the ground in pretty bad shape and seeing Craig stand before them.

"That's it! Respect my authoritah!" Cartman charged forward with Ricky secretly following him. However, Craig dodged out of the way but wasn't expecting Ricky. As soon as she got close, she punched Craig in the face, making him fall to the ground. She pounced on him and started beating him up as Stan, Butters, Bebe, and Jimmy entered through the windows.

By the time Ricky was finished, Craig's face was full of cuts and bruises and he seemed knocked out. "Here, climb on up!" called Stan, lowering a ladder. "We're almost to Clyde!"

"Bebe, you stay with Annie and catch up to us later," ordered Ricky. "Wendy, you're coming with me."

Wendy nodded, and with Jimmy, Butters, Cartman, Stan, and Kyle, the seven kids started moving to Clyde's lair.

* * *

**Whew! And, if you're wondering where those Japanese people came from, check out the episode, Whale Wars and you'll see why.**


	16. Final Battle Part 2

**The second part of the chapter is here! Also, I plan to have Ricky and some others to get inside...inappropriate parts.**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

"Come on, guys! We're almost there!" shouted Cartman as he and his companions ran down a hallway. However, they saw Randy who was completely shirtless, wearing a warrior's cape, and other warrior type clothing with weapons running towards them.

"Is that your Dad?" asked Ricky as she and everyone else stopped.

"Dad? What the hell are you doing here?" asked Stan, surprised.

"Oh! It's my favorite son!" Randy bent down on one knee and glanced at the seven kids. "Listen! I found out what they were doing at the women's clinic! They were looking for a candidate to put a snuke into! They're going to nuke all of South Park!"

"A snuke?" wondered Kyle.

"You mean...like a BOMB?!" exclaimed Wendy, panicking.

"They probably put it somewhere else, we can't get there in time!" said Ricky.

"You kids don't understand! They put the snuke here!" said Randy.

"Who did?" asked Kyle.

"Whoever these people are claiming to be Taco Bell!" He got up and wandered off a little, feeling nostalgic. "We should have known. We should have known Taco Bell is far too compassionate and caring to be so secretive."

Ricky frowned, annoyed. "No, dude. The people behind Taco Bell are the government! Not that Doritos thingie you mentioned before!"

"The quality of their character, like the quality of their food, should have never come into question."

"Oh my God."

"Dad, where is the woman with the snuke?!" asked Stan, wanting to change the subject.

"They didn't put it in a woman."

Now the kids were more confused. "But you said they put it in the women's clinic," corrected Ricky. "If they didn't put it in a woman, then who did they put it in?"

"Follow me," said Randy, leading the way. Soon, they arrived in a room where a grown man wearing no pants was tied to a pole, and it didn't take long for the kids to figure out what was going to happen.

"Ew!" cried out Wendy, covering her eyes.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" complained Ricky.

"Mr. Slave? Seriously?!" complained Kyle. "Alright, tell us what happened."

Mr. Slave replied, "All I remember was that there were these big government guys, and they wrestled me to the floor at my house! And then I remember thinking, well this is fun, but wait-is that a thermonuclear device? I had some drinks, so a thermonuclear device up my ass wasn't completely out of the question."

At that last sentence, Stan puked at the ground, and Wendy and Ricky looked horrified, not at Stan, but what Mr. Slave said. "Why did the government used a man? Why?!" exclaimed Ricky.

"Oh Jesus Christ, how long do I have?" asked Mr. Slave.

"We don't know, Mr. Slave, but it could be a matter of minutes," warned Randy.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Pull it out!"

"Ew! I'm not going anything near that thing!" squealed Wendy, backing off. Cartman reached out towards Mr. Slave's but when Kyle smacked him.

"No! We can't just pull it out!" cried out Kyle. "Snukes have triggers on them! We have to abort it from the inside!"

"Oh, come on! Who knows how to do abortions and can get really, REALLY small?" questioned Cartman.

"(I know a bit of abortions. I even saw the uncensored ones on TV)," revealed Kenny.

"Well...I read a book about how to do abortions, but Stan was the one who really performed one," said Kyle. "Maybe me and him could go in."

"What?! No,no, no. Not after what happened last time!" said Stan.

"Dude, the fate of the wor-well, actually, South Park depends on it!"

"...Alright fine! But even if we do this, we can't get that small!"

"Actually, I know how to get small. So, it'll be me, Stan, and Kyle inside," said Ricky, taking out a bag of the magic powder. She sprinkled it around herself, Stan, Kenny, and Kyle, and they shrunk down to the size of a mouse.

"Whoa! That's amazing!" said Kyle.

"Yeah! Tell us where you got that!" said Cartman.

"You just want some so you could sprinkle it on me, fatass!"

"Hey, don't call me fat, you fuckin' Jew!"

"Guys, let's just get this over with! The more we argue, the less time we have to disarming the snuke!" said Ricky. "And I want to spend as less time inside a man's assk, thank you very much!"

"Wait!" Cartman bent down to stare at the tiny Kenny and said, "Princess Kenny, if you don't return alive, then just remember...I love you."

"Is he saying for real or just for dramatic effect?" asked Ricky.

"For dramatic effect," said Stan. "Besides, Kenny already has a girlfriend."

Ricky looked shocked when she learned of that, then her expression sadden. "Oh..."

As Ricky, Stan, and Kyle began climbing up Mr. Slave's leg, Mr. Slave warned, "Oh, be careful. I might have also put some bats up there the other night."

The trio stopped to turn to Mr. Slave. "Why would you put bats inside your asshole, Mr. Slave?!" exclaimed Ricky, shocked. "Okay, forget that question, are they actual bats, or just baseball bats?"

"Dude, I don't think Stan wants to know," said Kyle, pointing to Stan who was all green in the face. They quickly climbed up, but getting inside was tricky and disgusting and they squirmed their way inside.

Inside might be considered a haunted house, only it was inside a man's private parts. The ground was sticky and slippery with man goo and even the walls were covered in man goo so the trio were careful as they slowly climbed up.

"Wait, what?" Kyle and his friends approached a floating frog spirit who seemed to be in front of them. "Who are you?"

"Greetings, I am the Frog Prince. My fellow companions, you must find a way out of this place or you will surely die. The way behind you is blocked by the large sphincter. Make haste to the large intestine! All will be made clear to you then!"

The Frog Prince vanished into thin air, and the four of them grew silent. "...So, anyone want to explain what just happened?" spoke up Ricky. Nobody said a word. "Fine, never mind. Let's-let's just keep going."

Soon, they encountered a wall full of sticky white stuff that smelled and they didn't want to know what it was. Kyle went up to the wall and smacked the wall with his staff, causing the white stuff to collapse and fall slowly in a disgusting way. Even worst, parts of it were dripping from above.

"Ew!" cried out Ricky as Stan puked. As they made their way up, they had to smash through other walls of disgusting products and they pretended it was expired yogurt when it really wasn't. Every time they did try to force their way through, Stan would puke, and nobody blamed him.

Soon, they climbed a normal, but rotten corn and found some sort of machine stuck in Mr. Slave's body part, but worst of all, it was still somehow working, and electricity was flowing from its source and blocking their way. If they tried to get past, they would be electrocuted.

"Great. How are we going to be able to get out of this one?" sighed Ricky.

"(Oh! Excuse me! I have to use the bathroom!)" said Kenny. Stan barfed once more and he, Ricky, and Kyle turned around and closed their eyes as Kenny started to go to the bathroom. Sizzling sounds could be heard and once Kenny was done, he went to them and said, "(Look, guys!)"

The trio turned and saw that the machine had short circuited and was looking rather wet. They realized what Kenny had done, and since the path of electricity was gone, they proceeded. They had to climb up something purplish since it was suddenly so dark, so Ricky got out a flashlight from her belt and it looked to be some sort of puppet.

"Mr. Hat?" wondered Kyle.

"Who?"

"Mr. Hat is well, Mr. Garrison's assistant, in a way. We all thought he was lost forever."

Ricky looked more disgusted. "Then how the hell did Mr. Slave get him in here?" At that cue, Stan puked, forcing them to hurry up before Stan pukes even more. While they explored deeper, what really startled them was the vibration of a phone nearby as it lit up the area.

The caller happened to be someone called Big Gay Al, and he seemed to be voice mailing Mr. Slave. _"Oh Jesus! Hello? Hello? Slave Honey? You better not be tied up somewhere you silly goose!"_

"Oh, fuck no!" complained Ricky as Stan puked once more. "How the hell did an IPhone get here?!"

"Let's just keep going," suggested Kyle, walking off. A few minutes later, they all jumped in surprise when they saw some sort of sparrow spirit approach them.

"Who is this?" asked Stan.

"Is he friends with that frog?" wondered Ricky.

"I am the Sparrow Prince," introduced the sparrow spirit. "Like you, I was once used for pleasure as an anal plaything, and thus perished in this place. Now, you must defeat my angry spirit in order to move forward."

"Uh...but you don't sound-"

"I know, I don't really sound that angry, but trust me, I am." With that said, he made the first move by firing lasers from his eyes at Kenny, who died instantly.

"Holy shit!" cried out Ricky.

"Oh my God, he killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

"Now my rage is even greater now," said the Sparrow Prince before summoning three bird spirits who headed straight towards the trio. The trio simply swung their weapons at the birds, who exploded on impact.

"Gah!" All three of them fell to the ground, but luckily, they weren't too badly injured. However, they landed on the stick, disgusting ground, which caused Stan's face to turn green and ready to puke up something big.

"Now, because I am angry and I want to finish this off, I will attack with my ultimate move," Sparrow Prince announced before shooting large lasers from his eyes. At the same time, Stan barfed at the Sparrow Prince and his long pillar of barf collided with the lasers, thus creating some sort of battle between the two.

However, it didn't seem like it was going to last long since the lasers were slowly penetrating through Stan's power of barf. "We need more disgusting things to help out Stan!" cried out Kyle. He used his stick and smeared it with the stick things on the wall before saying, "Stan! Look!"

Stan only glanced at him before his power of barf increased, making the lasers fall back and weaken a little. Ricky picked up a small stick nearby and smeared it with the same strange goo from before before touching Stan with it. Just the slight touch of goo was enough to make Stan's barf stronger, piercing through the lasers and slamming the Sparrow Prince so hard, he fell.

"Well, that's one way to defeat someone," said Ricky as Stan wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"You have proven yourself in combat, young anal playthings," announced the Sparrow Prince, getting up. "You may journey forth. Find the snuke's trigger and save the outside world. Farethee met, and farethee well."

When he disappeared like the Frog Prince, the trio continued forth, only Stan didn't puke so much as before, which seemed to be a good thing. "Wait!" whispered Kyle, stopping them before pulling them to hide behind a rock. They glanced forward and saw two guards guarding an entrance.

"Guards? How the hell did guards get here?" wondered Ricky.

One of the guards sighed. "I didn't join the company for this."

"We've got our orders."

"Yeah, but how come we always get the shit jobs? Go clean out the barracks. Go round up civilians in their homes. Go up a gay man's butthole and guard against intruders. Freakin' sucks!"

Suddenly, the Frog Prince and the Sparrow Prince appeared right next to the kids. "Armed guards? What are they doing here?" wondered the Frog Prince.

"Whoa! How'd you do that?" asked Stan, surprised.

"Whoever seeks to blow up this city clearly doesn't want anyone stopping them," said the Sparrow Prince.

"We must get past them! Let's fuck 'em up!" With that said, the Sparrow Prince and the Frog Prince charged at the two guards as Ricky and her friends watched in horror as they started killing the guards.

"Ow! OH god! No, no, not-GAH!"

"You killed-GAH!"

"Holy crap, dude!" shouted Stan as soon as the Sparrow Prince and Frog Prince were done and covered in blood. Once they vanished, the trio decided to speak nothing of it and proceed through the entrance. They found the core of the snuke surrounded by a lake of...some dark water and wandered in.

_"Three kids came into the stomach dark...'Neath the cold depths of the lungs and heart..." _a voice echoed in the room.

"Where is that song coming from?" questioned Ricky as she and her friends glanced up. Then, some sort of fish spirit appeared in front of them. "Not again!"

"Hello, kids. I...am Catatafish."

_"Catatafish of the stomach's cove...~"_

"The trigger of the thermonuclear device lies before you," explained Catatafish. "I have tried to solve its riddle but has been unable to disarm it."

_"Catatafish's riddle will soon be told..."_

"Seriously, where is that song coming from?" wondered Ricky.

"There are only moments to spare. Find a way to disengage the trigger, or all will be lost."

The trio climbed up to where the snuke was and prepared themselves as they got out the items neccessary for an abortion. "You guys ready?" asked Ricky, holding up a book about abortions and handing it to Kyle.

"Oh God...yeah," groaned Stan, getting the items.

**"Snuke abortion sequence initiated. Begin electrolytic infusion," **spoke the robotic voice of the snuke.

"Whoa, it can talk?" wondered Ricky, surprised. "Ack, never mind! Let's just hurry this up!"

"Right!" said Kyle, reading the book. "Stan, inject...right there."

"Gah..." Stan closed his eyes and injected the syringe in the spot Kyle told him to do. Everyone cringed when they heard a moan from the snuke. Since when can snukes moan?!

"Okay, now you have to twist that stick around."

"Got it," said Stan, twisting the metal rod around.

**"COLD. So cold. Danger: abortion access slit stress level critical. Abortion access slit dilated. Initiate control chip removal." **

"I think it means you have to suck a control chip with the vaccum," said Kyle.

"Oh God, why?" Stan took out the vaccum and started to suck up control chips left from right, with him and his friends cringing with each chip removal.

**"Self-destruction sequence aborted.**" The machine turned off, then suddenly, the area started to shake like it was an earthquake.

* * *

"AAAAAAHHH!" screamed Stan, Kyle, and Ricky as they popped out of Mr. Slave's mouth and outside, right where their friends and Randy were. They got up, sticky with disgusting parts, and smelly.

"Ew!" cried out Kyle.

"Someone get us water! Hurry!" begged Ricky. Cartman pulled out a water bottle from his belt and poured it all over the three tiny kids, washing them of any sticky parts, but still leaving them smelly. Wendy walked over and sprayed them with perfume, making them smell good before Ricky used the gnome powder to make them big again.

"Never doing that again!" said Stan, making his friends agree with him.

"Great job! You disarmed the snuke! South Park is saved!" congratulated Randy.

"Yes, now let's finish this," said Cartman. "Let's beat up Clyde once and for all, and take back the Stick of Truth!"

* * *

**Whew! Okay, this was officially the grossest part of the story! Second being the abortion part, and third being the...bedroom part. Yeah. I could probably take on the two of those, but this chapter totally crosses the line! Anyways, read and review!**


	17. Final Battle Part 3

**Alright! Now, we all get to beat up Clyde in this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs! **

* * *

The warriors of Zaron, along with the three rulers, Kyle the Elf King, Cartman the Wizard King, and Ricky, the Empress of Starfires, started heading their way to the throne room, where the evil Lord of Darkness, Cylde, was located.

Once inside, Clyde crackled with evil laughter. "Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness!"

Ricky was the first to notice that Clyde had a huge crate full of the nasty green alien goo, and anyone who touches or tries to drink it turns into Nazi Zombies. "Guys, he has the alien goo!"

"Clyde! Back away from that stuff!" cried out Stan.

"Oh, but I have yet to complete my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!"

"Stop! Clyde, you have no idea what that stuff is!" said Kyle frantically.

"Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site."

"It's really alien goo! We swear!" said Ricky.

"Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce." corrected Stan.

"Then why'd I find it at Taco Bell?" questioned Clyde.

"It leaked out of a UFO, Clyde!" shouted Cartman. "It's toxic goo from another galaxy! Think about it! Since when does Taco Bell have a green sauce, dude?!"

"...Actually, since about a year ago," answered Kyle.

"...What?"

"Taco Bell has green sauce now."

"No way."

"They've got it longer than a year. I've always gotten spicy green burritos," said Stan.

"Guys?" called out Ricky.

"Yeah, no, but I'm saying in the packets. They just started putting green sauce in the packets," corrected Kyle.

Cartman looked mad. "The fuck?! How the fuck did I miss this?!"

"Guys! Focus!" called out Ricky.

"Ha ha! I don't seem so foolish now, do I?" bragged Clyde, satisfied.

"That doesn't mean YOU have green sauce, dipfuck!" argued Kyle.

"Yeah Clyde, why do you think that shit's glowing?" challenged Stan.

Clyde glanced at the glowing green goo in the crate. "...Maybe because of the three varieties of chili peppers."

The others glanced at one another, unsure what to say. "...Just give us the Stick, asshole," spoke Cartman finally.

"Or what? You'll beat me up?" challenged Clyde. "Ha ha! I've got another surprise for you!" Clyde turned the handle that was connected to a hose which was connected to the crate. The goo transfered from the crate to a nearby coffin, and suddenly, a black man that looked like a chef burst out of the coffin, now a Nazi Zombie.

"I'm gonna make love to you womannn!~" sang Chef.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" all the kids screamed in horror and shock.

"Get him, Lady Whore!" commanded Cartman.

"Me?! What about you guys?" cried out Ricky. "God damnit, we need Bebe, fast! And Rebecca too!"

"I'll call them!" offered Wendy, backing away and getting out her phone.

"Uh...guys? It looks like he's gonna ram us!" said Kyle, pointing to Chef.

"(I've got this!)" said Kenny, rushing forward.

"Princess Kenny, nooo!" shouted Cartman, reaching out for her dramatically. Kenny shot a love arrow at Chef, which hit his arm and made him roar in pain. Then, Kenny began shooting more love arrows until Chef rushed towards him, picked him up, and threw him out of the window.

"NOO!" The kids rushed to the window in time to see Kenny get pierced by a spike.

"Holy shit, dude!" cried out Ricky.

"Oh my God! Chef killed Kenny!"

"You bastard!"

"Hahahaha! Yes, yes! Now, kill all of them!" ordered Clyde, getting out a water gun and spraying Chef with more of the green alien goo. Once Chef was drenched of the goo, he roared and complied.

The kids turned to Chef, who growled and looked ready to pounce on them like an animal if any of them got close. After what happened to Kenny, none of them DARED to go near Chef.

"Dude, what do we do? We can't just get up to Chef, he'll maul us alive!" said Stan.

"I got an idea!" replied Ricky, running off a ittle bit for distance. She got out her slingshot and started shooting rubber balls at Chef, making him angry and rush towards Ricky. "Jimmy! Fire!"

"O-oh!" Jimmy pulled out his crossbow and fired an arrow at Chef, getting him in the chest. Chef turned his attention to Jimmy and charged at him before Ricky started shooting more rubber balls at him. Chef ran towards her, but kept reverting his attention to Jimmy whenever he fired at him.

The others seemed to figure out what their plan was. "Oh! Yeah, let's do it, guys!" shouted Kyle. "Cartman, you keep firing from far distances, and whenever Chef gets distracted, Stan, you and me will strike! Wendy-what are you doing?"

"Oh my God! Really?" squealed Wendy who was currently talking on the phone with Bebe. "Those shorts must be really cute! I mean-"

"Wendy!" cried out Stan, finally getting her attention.

"Oh! Right! Bebe, we need you and Rebecca! There's a Nazi Zombie, and it's Chef! ...Yes, I know. I'll tell Clyde that." As soon as she hung up, she picked up Kenny's love arrows and bow and shouted, "Hey, Clyde!" She flipped him off and said, "That's for ripping my costume!"

Clyde's eye twitched, and he fired more of the green goo at Chef, enhancing his strength. "Get them all!" Chef ran after Cartman, who was pouring water to make a trap, and he didn't seem ready yet. Then, Wendy shot love arrows at Chef, making her a target until Kyle and Stan crept up and swung their weapons at Chef, injurying him.

"GGGGGAAAAH!" yelled Clyde, frustrated as he sprayed more green goo at Chef. Chef stood his ground, pulled something out of his pants, and threw several chocolate salty balls in the air, targetting everyone except Clyde. Everyone screamed as they ran to avoid the disgusting products when Butters and Wendy were hit badly and didn't look like they were ready to fight anytime.

"Holy shit! Are those balls really are strong than they look?" wondered Ricky, surprised by the hard chocolate balls.

"B-Butters and W-W-W-Wendy a-are d-down! T-they're down!" sputtered Jimmy.

"That's it! Nobody messes with my girlfriend!" declared Stan, readying his sword as he charged at Chef with determination in his eyes.

"Stan, no!" cried out Kyle, trying to stop him. When Stan got close, he swung his sword, only to be blocked by Chef's spatula.

"...Okay, what?" said Ricky, confused. Both Stan and Chef glared at each other before engaging in close combat with their weapons. Stan struck first and was swinging strikes and blocking Chef's spatula as the battle continued. The kids and Clyde looked back and forth as they watched the two somewhat-like swordsmen engage combat together.

"You know what would make this more epic? If there was some battle music in the background," said Cartman.

"Oh, I got just the thing!" Clyde pulled out a radio box from behind his throne chair and pressed one of the buttons to play it. (Imagine the song Etrian Odyssey Untold: TMG-Furnace of War playing.)

"Oh yeah, awesome!" cheered Ricky, feeling all pumped up while hearing the song. While the song was playing, Stan and Chef continued to fight until Chef managed to knock Stan's sword out of his hand. In retaliation, Stan kicked the spatula out of Chef's hand, making it stab at the ceiling.

"AAAAHH!" screamed Stan as he was being grabbed and picked up by Chef.

"No!" cried out all the kids. Ricky started shooting rubbers balls at Chef, but nothing seemed to be working.

**BANG! **Just before Chef could bite Stan, a gunshot was heard and the bullet struck in Chef's head, causing him to drop Stan before Stan ran off. "Ow!"

"Did we kill him?!" cried out Bebe as she and Rebecca rushed into the room with a gun each in their hands. "Ah man! He's still standing!"

"Jimmy, you tend to Wendy and Butters," ordered Ricky.

"I'm sorry, children," apologized Chef, backing away.

"No! Obey me!" ordered Clyde, spraying more of the green goo at Chef, thus making him more of a Nazi Zombie.

"That does it!" Ricky fired a knife at the water gun, causing Clyde to let it go before she ran over and kicked it out of the window. Chef rushed at the group of kids, who screamed and started to scatter. Chef managed to catch Ricky, unfortunately.

"No! Let go of her!" yelled Kyle, rushing towards Chef and repeatedly hitting him in the leg with his golf club. Before Chef could bite on Ricky's neck, Bebe and Rebecca shot Chef in the legs, causing him to let go and cry in pain, but also regain himself.

"Children! Everybody! I'm back!" cried out Chef happily, now regaining his soul despite the face that he's a Nazi Zombie.

"Enough of this!" said Clyde impatiently as he got out a wine bottle and placed fire on top of it before throwing it at Chef, who was now running around and on fire. "Hahaha! Burn them! Burn them all!"

"AAAHAHA!" Bebe and Rebecca fired their bullets at Chef's head, but despite that, it didn't seem to work. Everyone made sure to back FAR away from the flaming Chef as he fell out of the window, screaming like a little girl. Everyone rushed to the window and saw Chef had landed on his head before falling over, dead. Clyde's Dad came over, got a fire hose, and sprayed Chef's body all over until there were no more flames left before entering back his house.

"Noo!" yelled Clyde, jumping off his throne.

"Your eons of torment are at an end, ruler of darkness!" declared Cartman, walking towards Clyde, who was scared and seemed to have given up.

"Um...okay, you know what, I'm not playing anymore," said Clyde nervously.

"You have broken the rules of the Stick and for that, I banish thee. I banish thee...from SPACE AND TIME!" With that last statement, Cartman kicked Clyde so hard, he fell out of the window.

"Holy shit!" Ricky, Kyle, and Butters ran towards the window Clyde was kicked into and saw Clyde was falling when he managed to hang unto something. But his grip seemed to have loosen and he fell, screaming until he fell to the ground, injured.

"We did it, dude!" cheered Stan.

"That was awesome! We did it!" said Cartman, turning to Ricky. "Your noble quest is at an end. And for all your deeds, and all your time put into this, I hereby promote you to...Queen Whore! Congratulations!"

That was the last straw for Ricky. She walked towards Cartman, punched him in the face, and kicked him right between the legs, watching him fall before flipping him off. "It's Empress Ricky! For the last time!"

"Quickly!" cried out Kyle. "Now let's get the Stick back to safety before anyone can-"

Suddenly,the whole tower was lit up by helicopter lights, and ropes went straight down before soldiers started sliding down from them and landed on the tower, surrounding it while armed with guns. "MOVE MOVE MOVE! GO GO GO!"

"Oh come on!" cried out Ricky as she and her friends dropped their weapons and raised their arms.

"We've got her! We've got the Dragonborn!" said one of the government agents.

"The Dragonborn? Who the-what the?" wondered Cartman.

"So, it really IS the Dragonborn," spoke the government agent boss, entering the tower and holding the Stick of Truth. "Just can't stop being a thorn in our side, huh?"

"He has the Stick of Truth!" cried out Cartman, startled.

"Seriously? You're really worried about that now?" said Ricky, annoyed.

"How does this guy know you, Empress Ricky?" asked Kyle.

"I don't know! Heck, I never even seen this guy in my life before!"

"'Empress Ricky?' Is that what you told them what your name was? Why don't you tell them your real name, DOVAHKIIN?"

"Okay, that's just stupid," said Ricky. "You're stupid."

"You don't remember, do you? How we tried to find you?" asked the government agent boss, surprised.

"Look, that Stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron! Give it back!" ordered Stan.

"'Fighters of Zaron?' Kids, what's going on here it much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed into Earth. You see, in 1947, a UFO crashed into Roswell, New Mexico-"

"Oh God," groaned Cartman.

"Oh brother, spare us," complained Stan, rolling his eyes.

"Hang on a sec," urged the government agent boss. "A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our agency."

"Can we skip this? Like, seriously?" wondered Cartman.

"Oh, you don't want to skip this."

"Yes, we do."

"Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is...until 4 years ago when we investigated a child."

"Me?" wondered Ricky.

"Yawn yawn yawn," said Cartman.

"A child who had an unnatural power inside her," continued the government agent boss. "I had order from the President to secure the child, so we could harness her powers before our enemies could. But she slipped through our hands."

"What powers?" asked Kyle.

"Her amazing ability to make friends quickly on any social network. Before she was 5, she had 3.2 billion friends of Facebook alone. Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gift for your country."

"Is he really still talking?" asked Cartman, bored.

"I don't have to do anything!" shouted Ricky. "Even if your story was somehow true, I still have a life, asshole!"

"Are we really so different, you and I, Dovahkiin?" questioned the government agent boss.

"Yes, yes we are!"

"You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all pawns in this game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I have ever come across. And yet all you care about is...this." The government agent boss presented the Stick of Truth. "It must be very important. What does it do?"

"It's just a stupid, ordinary stick," said Ricky.

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, dumbass."

"Yeah, stupid," said Stan.

The government agent boss looked startled. "Controls the...but then...I wouldn't have to do what I was told anymore. I could...HAHAHAHAHA! I control the universe!" He turned around and began swinging the Stick of Truth at the soldiers. "Get back! Get back, I say!"

"Oh my God, I can't believe this. He's actually believing this," said Ricky, facepalmming herself.

"I can do anything! ANYTHING I WANT!" He stripped himself of all his clothing, leaving him nothing but his underwear.

"Oh God, seriously?!" cried out Ricky, covering her eyes.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Wendy, Bebe, and Rebecca.

"Oh hamburgers!" said Butters.

"AHAHAHA! I no longer need you, Dovahkiin! I control the universe!" With that said, the government agent boss ran off.

"Get him!" ordered Cartman as the others followed him.

* * *

**Alright! Next chapter is the last chapter! In the game, why do the characters allow Clyde to fire the green goo at Chef? One of them should have taken it away from him or at least destroy it! There should have been an option for that! Also, when Clyde's Dad appeared in this chapter, he's all like, oh, there's a man, I'll put away the fire and walk away without calling an ambulence. Yup, that's normal.' And what gives about the government agent boss? Ew!**


	18. Final Battle Part 4

**Hello, everyone! I just wanted to say thanks for reviewing my story and all that other mushy stuff! It's been a blast, but there's a surprise announcement at the end! But first, you have to read the rest of the story to figure it out! Also, thanks bloodyredrose1994 for giving me a swell idea for the end!**

**Disclaimer: Mage of Hope doesn't own South Park, only the OCs. **

* * *

Once the kids ran outside, they saw the nearly naked government agent boss swinging the Stick of Truth around, trying to see if anything would happen. "Oh my God, this is wrong in so many ways," muttered Ricky, facepalmming herself.

Cartman chuckled evilly before taking out his phone and recording the whole thing. "I am so posting this on YouTube."

"Oh, make sure the title says, 'Gay guy playing with a stick,'" advised Ricky.

Cartman laughed. "Yeah, good idea!"

"Damn thing!" cursed the government agent boss before noticing the kids. "How does it work?! Show me how it works!"

Stan scoffed. "Yeah, right."

The government agent boss glanced at the Stick of Truth before getting an idea. "Dovahkiin, why should we be on opposite sides? Join me, Dovahkiin. Rule by my side. Rule...and you can have this all to yourself. Forever. I can offer you all! Just get me safely out of here, and you can rule with this again!"

"Dude, fuck off," said Ricky, annoyed and not having any second thoughts. "I don't have to do anything with a stick that does nothing."

Stan smirked and walked forward. "You underestimated the character of the fighters of Zaron! What binds us is more than that relic!"

"And you failed to recognize the character of our alliance!" stated Kyle.

"Yes," spoke up Cartman. "And that friendship is more important to us, than even the Stick of Truth."

Then, Kenny started walking towards the government agent boss. "Dude, where are you going?" asked Kyle.

To answer his question, Kenny snatched the Stick of Truth from the government agent boss and glared at his comrades with somewhat an evil look. "HA HA HA!"

Cartman gasped. "Princess Kenny!"

"Uh...what's going on?" wondered Ricky.

"At least ONE of you has some sense," said the government agent boss.

"You'd sell us all out?!" cried out Kyle.

"But why, Princess Kenny?" questioned Stan, who was as shocked as Kyle.

"Because Princess Kenny was born a half-orc, whose entire village was wiped out by humans and elves," spoke Morgan Freeman, entering the scene.

"Morgan Freeman?" wondered Kyle, surprise.

"What's he doing here?" Ricky also wondered.

"You see, when humans and elves lived together, in the forests of the Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar, the first to possess the Stick of Truth," explained Morgan Freeman. "They loved in secret and had a child, a beautiful little girl, a girl who watched as everyone she loved as killed in cold blood. And that is why she waited...and plotted...all this time. To take the Stick from you. For Princess Kenny is true heir to the Stick of Truth."

"Wow, that's pretty cool," admitted Cartman, stunned.

"Just one thing, Morgan Freeman," said Kyle. "How come something convoulted needs explaining, you show up?"

"Because everytime I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle." Like he said, a small freckle appeared on his face.

"(The Stick is mine!)" declared Kenny before running off.

Enraged, Cartman chased after her, yelling, "PRINCESS KENNY GET BACK HERE!"

Everyone else glanced at one another in surprise before taking off as well, chasing Princess Kenny. Soon, they arrived at the top part of the Tower of Darkness, with Kenny and somehow, the government agent boss waiting for them.

"Give us the Stick, Princess Kenny. You don't want to go down like this, brah," said Cartman, worried.

"Mmmph mmm! Mmmp mmmh mmmph!" said Kenny. Suddenly, cheerful girly-like Japanese music started playing out of nowhere, making Kenny dance around gracefully while singing to the song.

"Where is that music coming from?" wondered Ricky as she and her friends glanced around.

"Ugh! I hate these kinds of music! They're too girly!" groaned Cartman.

"I kinda have to agree with him. I can't understand a word these Japanese people are saying! Even if it's a girl's song!" complained Wendy.

"Yes! Go Princess Kenny!" cheered on the government agent boss.

While Kenny was still dancing and singing to the Japanese song, Ricky said, "While he's distracted, let's go and attack!"

"Dude, I can't do that. I mean, she's princess of my kingdom. If I attack, then I'm gonna get demoted," said Cartman.

"Yeah, I can't fight a princess either," said Kyle.

"Yeah, it's just not in my honor," replied Stan.

"Me neither," said both Jimmy and Butters.

"What gives?!" shouted Bebe, frustrated.

"Yeah, I mean, you guys fought other girls too!" reminded Ricky.

"Yeah, but, Princess Kenny is, a princess. It's against our male code to put down a princess," explained Stan.

Ricky sighed. "Kenny is a DUDE!"

"He-I mean, she's a still a girl in the game!" cried out Butters.

"Even so, he's EVIL!" said Ricky, grabbing onto Kyle's collar and shaking him back and forth. "He stoled the Stick of Truth and with that naked government guy at his side, he might let the government guy wage war on us! Do. You. UNDERSTAND?"

Kyle sighed in delight and looked lovesick. "Can we stay like this for a couple of minutes? Or...hours?"

"Ugh!" Ricky dropped Kyle and prepared to fight. "Come on, girls! Time to show this princess guy something what we're made of!"

"Yeah!" cheered Rebecca, reloading her guns.

"And no. We're not using guns. We just want to beat up and knock out Kenny, not kill him."

"Alright," said Bebe and Rebecca, putting away their guns before wielding their original weapons.

The Japanese music was still going on, and it was starting to irritate Wendy. "Ugh! Where the hell is that stupid music coming from?!"

"Ignore it for now!" said Ricky. "Charge!" At that moment, all four girls rushed at Kenny. Ricky swung her fist at Kenny, punching him straight in the face before Rebecca kicked Kenny from behind. Bebe bit on Kenny's arm, making him scream, only his screams were muffled.

While the four girls were beating up Kenny, the other boys watched, stunned. "Whoa, this is cool, brah," said Cartman.

"Oh! It's like a catfight!" said Butters.

Wendy tackled Kenny to the ground and started repeatedly punching him. "Where the hell is that music coming from?! TELL ME!"

Unexpectedly, Kenny shoved Wendy off of him by shooting rainbows from his hands, and boy did it hurt. He got up and fired rainbows at Rebecca, Bebe, and Ricky, knocking them back. "He can shoot rainbows? How can he do that?" wondered Ricky.

"Hey, f-fellas! I-I found the r-radio!" announced Jimmy, coming back to the scene, carrying a radio that had was playing the Japanese music.

"Sweet! Now we can change the music to something else!" said Cartman as he and the others gathered around. "Ugh! This radio is pretty complex!"

"Yeah, I can't figure out how to turn it off," agreed Stan.

Kenny started to sing something that was obviously muffled, and a whole swarm of rats started pouring, gathering around Kenny as she petted them gently. "What is he doing?" wondered Ricky.

"Is this like from Cinderella?" asked Rebecca, also confused. Then, the girls screamed and panicked when the rats started to surround the girls.

"AAAAHHH! EW! EW!" squealed Wendy.

"Aw jeez! Get off!" shouted Ricky, trying to kick some off her legs.

"I just made these boots!" cried out Bebe before trying to shoot some rats with her gun.

"Wait! I got an idea!" called out Rebecca, spraying some rat poison from a poison can onto a plate of cheese before placing it down. She laid it on the ground, and immediantly, the rats that were attacking the girls went straight for the cheese, devouring it in seconds before falling over, dead.

"No! Damn you! You killed Princess Kenny's rats!" cursed the government agent boss.

Kenny got so mad, he whistled, and a unicorn came out of nowhere and started trotting towards Kenny, who was welcoming her with open arms. "Kya!~ That unicorn is so beautiful!" squealed Bebe, Rebecca, and Wendy.

Ricky noticed Kenny getting on the unicorn and said, "Uh, guys? He's getting on the unicorn! We have to stop him!"

"But we can't harm the unicorn! She's like the ultimate form of My Little Pony!" said Wendy.

"Huh? Really? Huh, come to think of it...no!" Ricky shook her head of her fantasies. "Look, let's just shoot down Kenny instead of the unicorn. Then we can claim the unicorn and go on rides with it afterwards."

"Hurray!" cheered Rebecca, Wendy, and Bebe before getting out their guns/bow and arrow. They fired at Kenny, but unfortunately, they missed and hit the unicorn instead, causing her to drop dead. "No!"

Ricky blinked. "Well, that was unexpected."

Kenny got up, obviously angry at the girls. "(You killed my only friend in the world! You'll pay!)" He started shooting large amounts of rainbow powers at the girls, who had to scramble and run around, trying to avoid the rainbows.

"Hey, guys! I found out how to stop the music!" said Kyle before turning off the music. He placed another CD inside, and "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from The Lion King started playing, causing everyone to stop fighting.

"(Hey! Don't change the music!)" shouted Kenny.

"Boring!" said Cartman, taking out the CD before putting a different one in. Instead, "Poke Face" by Lady Gaga started playing, making Cartman hum to the song and dance around until Stan took out the CD. "Hey!"

"Dude, this song sucks. Here, try this." Stan placed in another CD and played "TMNT" from the 2003 version.

"Oh cool! I love that show!" said Ricky.

"All I'm hearing is 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' over and over! Here, try this one!" Butters pulled out the CD and placed in the 'Hello Kitty' theme song, which the girls except Ricky squealed happily.

"I LOVE HELLO KITTY!" squealed Butters, Rebecca, Wendy, and Bebe.

"No way! Try this!" Ricky walked over and played 'Etrian Odyssey Untold OST: The End of the World,' which seemed pretty catch and appropriate for the battle.

"Aw yeah!" cheered Cartman.

"No! Princess Kenny is extremely weak to music created in video games! She'll lose!" cried out the government agent boss as Kenny fell to her knees, obviously being weakened.

"It's all over for you, Princess Kenny. We're all too powerful for you," said Cartman.

"You guys didn't even fight! Me and the girls did all the work!" shouted Ricky as she and the girls nodded. Kenny glared at the group before pulling out a vial of green liquid.

"What's she doing?" asked Stan.

"Oh no, it's more of that green goo!" shouted Ricky.

"No, Kenny! Don't drink that!' said Kyle. Kenny ignored him, placed the Stick of Truth in his cleavage, and drank the vial before acting weird. In a few seconds, his muscles expanded, and his entire skin turned green, making him a Nazi Zombie.

"Oh shit!" said Ricky, taken aback.

"AAAAHH! NAZI ZOMBIE PRINCESS KENNY!" cried out Cartman.

"FUCK!" shouted Kyle as Kenny charged at them.

"I told you we should have killed him!" said Bebe before everyone else spread out to avoid the wrath of Kenny.

"This is it, Queen Who-"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"Anyways, the final battle! Your buddies stand with you! I will stand over here..."

"Dude, no!" shouted Ricky. "We're all in this together! If I go down, you're going down with me!"

"She's right! We all have to do this!" said Kyle.

"Death comes for you, Dragonborn! You'd better pray for a miracle!" announced the government agent boss. Kenny whistled, and then a cloaked figure wielding a scythe appeared out of nowhere near Kenny's side.

"Is that someone cosplaying as the Grim Reaper?" wondered Ricky.

"No, it's literally Death! If he touches you, you die!" cried out Kyle. Now nobody wanted to go near Kenny, now.

"How do we kill someone that can't die?" asked Wendy. Then, everyone felt hard thumping on the ground and saw Butters, or rather, Professor Chaos in his big form.

"Ahahahahaha! Foolish Princess Kenny! Do you not now that Death is the servant of Chaos?" Professor Chaos and Death began charging up their attacks, but Professor Chaos was much more faster and he fired a large beam first, destroying Death.

"How can this be?!" exclaimed the government agent boss as Professor Chaos reverted back to Butters.

"All that chao energy is making me a bit woozy," groaned Butters, sitting down to rest.

"That's it! Enough of this!" Bebe and Rebecca got their guns and began shooting at Kenny, hitting him several times on the head before making him fall over, dead.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"

"You b-oh no wait, he's coming back."

"Wait, what?" Ricky and her friends watched as Kenny stood up. "That's impossible! Bebe and Rebecca shot him in the head so many times!"

Bebe and Rebecca continued shooting Kenny, watching him fall over a few times before he keeps on getting up over and over. "He's still alive?! Damnit, we're out of bullets!"

"Yes! Drink your goo, Princess Kenny! You'll be invincible!" cried out the government agent boss.

Kenny took out more of the vials of green goo and was about to drink when Kyle brought Ike with him and shouted, "Oh no you don't!" Kyle crotched down and then kicked Ike as hard as he could, making Ike make Kenny spill and drop the vials and hit Kenny before Ike got up and ran, crying.

As Kyle was chasing after his little brother, the government agent boss said, "Lucky shot, but no matter! Princess Kenny still has lots of tricks up her puffy sleeves!"

"(That's right!)" Soon, another swarm of rats surrounded Kenny and he greeted them kindly.

"Oh no! Rebecca, get more of that rat poison out!" ordered Ricky.

"I can't! I'm all out!"

Then, Jimmy got out his flute and started playing a playful tune, causing the rats to rush at Jimmy and dance around him. Jimmy started walking away, making the rats follow him.

"No! Where are you going with Princess Kenny's rats?! Damn you!" yelled the government agent boss.

Kyle came back, but was limping on one leg. "I hurt my leg. You'll have to go without me."

"Bebe, Rebecca, heal his leg," ordered Ricky before the two rushed towards Kyle and started tending to his leg.

"Princess Kenny! Call upon your beautiful Nazi Unicorn!" cried out the government agent boss.

Kenny raised her arms, and suddenly, a dark Nazi Unicorn appeared and aimed straight for the kids. "I got this!" said Stan. "Steady...steady..."

**SLASH! **Once the Nazi Unicorn was close, Stan leaped up and sliced the Nazi Unicorn's head off.

"Oh my God! That was awesome!" said Ricky.

"Shit, stupid fuckin' unicorn!" cursed the government agent boss. Stan saw Sparky dragging away the Nazi Unicorn's head, forcing him to chase after his dog.

"Shit, I guess I'm the only hope! Alright, it's just you and me, ladies. For the fate of humanity!" said Cartman, standing besides Wendy and Ricky.

"Oh you got to be kidding me," said both girls in unison.

"Haha! RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!" crackled Cartman, suddenly filled with static electricity.

"Whoa!" said Ricky as she and Wendy backed up a bit.

"Shitty pants! Tittie fingers! Butthole! Asswipe! Skank!" shouted Cartman, continuing to say swear words as he began firing lightning bolts at Kenny, which seemed to be highly effective. Once Cartman was done and finished with swear words, he was panting and Kenny was laying on the ground until he got up.

"Oh come on!" cried out Ricky.

"She doesn't stay dead! We can't beat her!" shouted Stan.

"Dude, we're fucked! There's no way!" said Kyle, panicking.

"There is one way! We have to break the Gentlemen's Code," revealed Cartman.

"What?! Cartman, you can't possibly mean-"

"What other choice do we have, Kyle?! Queen Whore! You remember long ago, I made you swear an oath to never fart of anyone's balls. I am asking you now to break that oath."

"He's right. It's our only chance," decided Stan.

"Okay, I don't have a problem with that, but how is farting on his balls going to help? It's going to do nothing!" shouted Ricky.

"You're wrong! Legend has it that a miracle will happen if you fart on a man's balls! Why do you think they made an oath never to fart on anyone's balls?" questioned Cartman. "Fart on Princess Kenny's balls, Queen Whore! DO IT!" Cartman charged at Kenny and managed to hold him tight as he struggled to get freed. "Now, Queen Whore! Fart on Princess Kenny's balls!"

"But what about the Gentlemen's Code?!" demanded the government agent boss.

Ricky stared at him, confused. "Why do you even know that? Ugh, whatever! Let's just get this over with!"

"I don't think so!" The government agent boss pointed a gun at Ricky.

"NO!" **BANG! **Ricky watched in horror as Kyle was shot in the arm and had fallen to the ground, winching in pain.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" screamed the girls as Butters, Stan, and Jimmy rushed over and tackled the government agent boss to the ground.

"Now, Empress Ricky! We can't hold him off much longer! Do it!" shouted Stan as the girls tended to Kyle. Ricky nodded and rushed towards Kenny before turning around and letting out a fart.

**BOOM! **

* * *

After the events at the Tower of Darkness, a large explosion occured, and all the people who had turned into Nazi Zombies were back to normal. Soon, they began repairing South Park again, reconstructing the buildings that were destroyed.

Stan, Ricky, Kyle, and Cartman stared at Stark's Pond, planning to do something. "You guys sure about this?" asked Kyle.

"There's no other way," said Cartman, staring at the Stick of Truth.

"It drove our friend to madness and nearly killed us all," said Stan. Cartman sighed and stared at the Stick of Truth before throwing it at the pond, watching as the stick vanished in the water forever.

The four of them stayed like that for a while until Cartman asked, "So, what do you guys want to play next?"

"How about Dinosaur Hunters?" said Stan.

"Or Pharoahs and Mummies!" suggested Kyle.

"Let's ask Whore! What do you want to play next, dude?" Everyone looked at Ricky, wondering what she was going to say next.

"You're asking me what to play next? After what happened three days ago after dragging me into a game I didn't even get to be asked to play with the big fatass calling me names, fighting off hobos, beating and tying up a security guy, trying to make me learn gross farts, risking to bust a comrade out of detention, fighting a handicapped kid at the Inn, being abducted by aliens, watching a guy get raped by a machine after pressing wrong buttons, releasing that same guy who was supposed to help me but abandoned me, getting the Elves to take me to a Rape Chamber, fighting Underwear Gnomes, watching my parents doing something while being naked, fighting Nazi Zombies, going to a clinic to get records, witnessing an abortion on a MAN, a pedophile trying to get me to take off my clothes, going to Canada to translate something French when we could have just used Google Translate, fighting some kid who a certain wizard fatass had banished and watched as he built an army of darkness while using a dangerous green goo, seeing a government agent naked, fighting a boy dressed up like a princess for God knows what reason who then drank the goo and became a Nazi Zombie and lastly, who you guys made me fart on his BALLS!" Ricky took a deep breath and continued, "If you think I'm playing another game, then you're crazy! Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"

As Ricky started to leave, Kyle grabbed her hand and said, "Wait! I'm sorry, we didn't realize we put you in so much."

Ricky sighed and turned to him. "Alright, but back when that guy was going to shoot me, why save me?"

Kyle turned red and scratched his cheek. "Well...because I...sorta like you...But if you're willing, will you go out with me?"

Ricky looked surprised, then smiled and kissed his cheek, making him blush more red. "Sure. Friday night at the movies?"

"Y-yeah! See you there!" As Ricky left, Kyle grinned and rushed to Stan and Cartman. "You guys are not gonna believe this!"

* * *

**Whew! Finally finished! Also, those songs that the kids put on the radio, if you want to check them out on YouTube, go ahead. The last song Ricky put in is one of my favorites!**

**This is the final chapter, and no sequel! However, I will put in another South Park fanfic where it starts the four kids' adventures, but this time, five kids! Like, starting the series all over with a fifth person, Ricky! But not right now because I've got other things to focus on. Read and review!**


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